Owning Your Fire After Illness + the HerTurn Movement
With Dr. Jayne Dabu,DAOM, L.Ac., Dipl. Ac
If you ever feel like you have done so much in your life for other people and now you're ready to put yourself first for a change, or you feel your health has taken a toll because of putting yourself last and you're ready to take back the reins, then you're gonna love today’s episode.
This week I'm talking with Dr. Jayne Dabu,DAOM,L.Ac., who inspires women to take their turn in health, relationships, and career so they achieve invincible confidence, clarity, and control.
You'll learn how to put yourself first, how to advocate for your needs in healthcare, how to celebrate your "micro wins" , and how to get your voice back after being afraid to speak up for yourself.
(full transcript below)
In this episode you'll discover
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Dr. Jayne Dabu inspires women to take their turn in health, relationships and career so they achieve invincible confidence, clarity and control.
She has practiced Traditional Chinese Medicine for the past 15 years and has helped thousands of people suffering from chronic health conditions. Dr. Dabu is Founder & CEO of the following: Lotus Acupuncture and Holistic Health Clinic, Genesis Botanical Formulas and women's movement, Her Turn.
Dr. Dabu began as a professional ballerina and retired to work for Turner Broadcasting Networks. While working for Turner, she was diagnosed with cancer. After surviving cancer, she left the corporate world and enrolled in Acupuncture school and became a Doctor of Acupuncture and Oriental Medicine.
Dr. Dabu uses her personal and professional experiences to help people discover the source of their chronic health issues so that they can lead happy, healthy and transformed lives.
Dr. Dabu's supplement line has been nationally featured on major tv networks and recommended by Kevin Harrington, the original Shark from Shark Tank. She was featured in Blood, Milk + Honey, Atlanta Public TV, WVEC 13/ABC News Now (ABC News Affiliate), hosted internet radio show, "Nourishing Life" on VoiceAmerica, spoken at NASA, and guested on numerous podcasts and various stages in America.
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If you've been interested in learning more about coaching with Amanda, she's now booking coaching clients for 1-1 support in creating the relationship and orgasmic pleasure of their dreams. If you’ve been thinking about it, maybe we should talk! Link here to book a free call to see if we’re a fit.
EPISODE 215: Jayne Dabu
[Fun, Empowering Music]
Amanda Testa: Hello, and welcome to the Find Your Feminine Fire podcast. I am your host, Amanda Testa. I am a sex, love, and relationship coach, and in this podcast, my guests and I talk sex, love, and relationships, and everything that lights you up from the inside out. Welcome!
If you ever feel like you have potentially done so much in your life for other people and now you're really ready to put yourself first for a change or you feel like maybe your health has taken a toll on everything you’ve done and you're ready to take back the reins on your health, then you're gonna love today’s episode. Welcome, welcome, and today I have the pleasure of talking with Dr. Jayne Dabu who inspires women to take their turn in health, relationships, and career so they achieve invincible confidence, clarity, and control. She’s also a founder of the Her Turn Movement. So welcome, Dr. Jayne. Thank you so much for being here!
Jayne Dabu: Oh, thank you for having me. I’m super excited to be here and just share with everybody.
Amanda Testa: Yes!
Jayne Dabu: Yes, awesome! [Laughs] Thank you.
Amanda Testa: I was just so touched by your movement. That is actually how I found you to reach out, and I’m curious if you wouldn't mind sharing a little bit more about Her Turn and what inspired you to create it.
Jayne Dabu: Yeah, so, basically, Her Turn is a story movement, and it focuses on women's triumphs over anything in life. You know, I started out with health, of course, with a lot of my patients and just how they're navigating through today, and the lessons they’ve learned whether it was health, relationship, it doesn't matter, you know? So you’ll be hearing a lot of women’s stories there. That’s basically, in a nutshell, what it is. It’s like a mini docu-series, so you’ll hear these women speak for anywhere between eight to twelve minutes, and, ugh, I mean, some of them just bring me to tears. I love it after an interview because then I get to watch the rough draft, and it's not even final but oh, my god, it's just so great to be able to share women's stories to the world.
Amanda Testa: Yes, I agree, and I'm so excited to share more about it and have more people know about it and get involved and share it because I think that's one of the things that we don’t often talk enough about -- our success and really celebrating how far we've come. I feel, a lot of times, maybe there are some taboos around bragging and being proud of yourself and celebrating your accomplishments, but it's so important.
Jayne Dabu: It is. It's so important because we have this -- well, not just women, but speaking about women since this is more a women's story movement -- we have this ideal that we keep on trying to achieve when we always forget, like you said, where we came from. Like I always tell my patients, just celebrate the micro-wins, and instead of comparing your little win today to your ideal (don’t do that), look at where you started and celebrate that. There's a book on that called The Gap and The Gain, and they say that when you are looking at the gap between you and your ideal, then [Laughs] that's where you start living in the gap, and you just start being down on yourself.
Amanda Testa: Right.
Jayne Dabu: But you need to live in the gain part, you know? That book is by Dan Sullivan and Benjamin Hardy.
Amanda Testa: Yes.
Jayne Dabu: Definitely, definitely recommend that book. It's great. It'll give you a good mind shift there when you're living in the gap.
Amanda Testa: Yes, yes.
Jayne Dabu: So just pick up that book, and literally, within the first 30 pages, you're like, "Okay, got it! Let's go." So it's great. Yeah.
Amanda Testa: I love that, and I know, not only part of the inspiration for this is sharing women's stories, but also, you’ve practiced traditional Chinese medicine for the past 15 years and helped thousands of people that have suffered with chronic illness and health conditions, among many other things. So I'm curious to know, personally, what maybe inspired you to be so passionate about this.
Jayne Dabu: Yeah, so, that's a great question. Well, my story -- I won't talk too long about my story -- but my story started in 2005 when I became very sick. I was actually working for a large corporate media company in Atlanta and couldn’t figure out what was going on with me.
I was in my twenties, so I didn’t quite know how to communicate and speak to doctors. It was just like, "Okay, yes. All right, well, whatever you say. All right, whatever," and I didn’t have that ability to ask questions, you know, or be resourceful. And so, what happened was I was diagnosed with uterine cancer, and it was through that whole journey (before I had to come to a decision) when I discovered health, my health. I used to be a professional ballerina, and I thought I was pretty healthy, but my definition of health was not just going to the gym and maybe kind of eating right. I don’t know. My definition of health really changed then.
And so, when I was diagnosed with uterine cancer, then I was faced with a question, like, what next? Is this the end of my life, you know?
Here you are in your twenties, right? I was also dismissed by many doctors, like, five different gynecologists. It wasn’t until the fifth gynecologist really listened to me, and he was retiring, and when he told me that day, my diagnosis, he was crying. He was crying for me, yes, but also crying and sorry. He kept saying, "I'm so sorry," because he was saying sorry for all the other doctors that wouldn’t listen to me, and saying sorry on behalf of his medicine, you know?
Amanda Testa: Mm-hmm.
Jayne Dabu: I was like wow. I mean, I realized that later, but before he even could figure out the diagnosis, right -- when you are trying to get a diagnosis in conventional medicine, sometimes it takes months, sometimes it takes years, sometimes it does take many years, and in the meantime, why don't you just take charge of your health? At least I had a friend in acupuncture school that said, "Hey, why don’t you go see an acupuncturist?" Another person said, "Hey, go do this. Go do some counseling." So I started just doing that while I was in the wings just waiting and waiting for answers. Sometimes you just can't wait for answers; you have to go out and seek it on your own, however way.
Amanda Testa: Yes.
Jayne Dabu: But the person I -- and I wish I could find this lady today. I remember it must have been the second or third gynecologist. She was doing an ultrasound on my belly, my lower abdomen, and she goes (she was whispering), "You know what, this lady, this doctor, I know I work for her, but she's just gonna give you birth control pills. That's all she's gonna do," and I go, "Okay, so what are you saying?" She said, "Here, and she scribbled down this phone number. She didn’t even tell me what the name of this -- I was like okay, some random phone number! She goes, "Just call this phone number, and they do these free workshops outside of Atlanta, and you have to attend it." So I went, I attended it, and it was like a functional medicine -- I guess it wasn’t really functional medicine. I don’t know what it was, but I went, and they explained the root causes of disease, and then I was like, "Oh, my god."
After that talk, I was sold. I'm like let's do it because they were still trying to figure it out, and I just started working on my health, you know? Let me just go to the end. Before I had to choose -- because they said with uterine cancer, you cannot get the stage of it until you take the uterus out. So I don’t know if people know that, so I'm like okay, so I'm in my twenties. I wanted to have a child. So you're faced with that decision -- I don’t even know if it's a choice -- that decision. We'll take it out or not, and so, I should say I was working on my health with the naturopathic doctors, the acupuncturists, the spiritual counseling for several months (probably six, seven, eight months), and I kept pushing off the surgery, and the doctor's like, "You need to stop gambling with your life," but what I noticed in those months I was working was things were changing. I wasn’t as bloated. Certain things, you know, in your twenties that you notice. Oh, my acne is going away. What's going on? My period started getting better. He goes, "You better get this out," you know, and I was like, "Okay, well, I don’t want to play with my life. I need to know what stage it's at.”
They did tell me my cancer was about a golf-ball-size tumor. That was, I think, in November of 2005 when I had the best period ever, and December 13th, 2005 is when I was scheduled for my hysterectomy, and I did fight with them to keep my ovaries. I said, "Please let me keep my ovaries!" Oh, my god, I had to fight with them to keep them. They go, "No, we should --," I said, "No, that's it! That's the only -- that’s non-negotiable."
So they went ahead and went through with the hysterectomy just so I could stage it, and then it was June 6th, 2006, I remember, when the pathologist called and said, "Oh, my gosh, we could hardly find cancer. I think you're in remission. You're fine." I was like, "What?! Did I just heal myself all these months?" I didn’t know, in my twenties, well enough to even say, "Hey, can you just check and do a CT scan again?" I don’t know. I didn’t know.
I just did it because I got a little scared, you know? Of course, you know? So, well, that was basically it, and I celebrated, and I go, well, I don’t want this to come back. I just quit my corporate job. I said goodbye, I'm gonna go to traditional Chinese medicine school, and if what I did helped me, this is so powerful because I can go and help other women, so they are not in my shoes ever again. Everything I learned (spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically) from just my experience, I mean, it's priceless, you know?
So that's the original story that inspired Her Turn.
Amanda Testa: Yes.
Jayne Dabu: After being a practitioner for so many years, really, what's payment is not the money you pay me; the payment is you overcoming it, and I'm constantly -- you know what gets me up in the morning is seeing my patients and hearing their stories. I'm like these stories are so good. Someone's gotta tell them!
Amanda Testa: Yeah.
Jayne Dabu: Because it's only between you and me in this little room. Who's gonna hear these stories, you know?
So I just was like it's her turn. It's her turn to tell her story. That's basically it, you know? I just love it. I love it so much, and like I was telling you, it's a labor of love, and when these patients -- they tell me, but when they watch themselves on film, they're like, "Wow, did I do all that?" I'm like, "Yes, you did that! You did that! I know you're a work in progress, but it's still going on." So that's basically what inspired Her Turn. That was a long story, but it was a lot. It was a lot.
Amanda Testa: Yeah, that's a powerful story, and I really want to honor all you've been through and celebrate where you are now.
Jayne Dabu: Thank you.
Amanda Testa: I think one thing that I really heard from that, too, is just the power of advocating for yourself and just looking for solutions and really doing all that you can to support your health along the way because, yes, you never know what might happen, and even if you're as healthy as possible, there are still random things that can happen. So it's like how do you look at your holistic health -- and it sounds like that was a big part of it too. Not just going to the doctor, but also functional medicine and naturopaths and acupuncture and emotional therapy and all the things.
Jayne Dabu: Absolutely, everything, and that's what I try to impart on my patients. I go, "I love you, but I don’t want to see you here every day. You're gonna have to take charge of yourself," you know? They have to reconnect with themselves.
Amanda Testa: Yeah.
Jayne Dabu: They've lost that connection to themselves. So if they're not even empowered with themselves, how can they feel in many areas of their life and their relationships and their sexuality and whatever that looks like to them, you know? It's so important, and I find that once they get their health back, oh, my goodness, especially if they're mothers. They come back and go, "Oh, my god, my husband is not used to this new me," and I'm like, "Well, it's different now, you know?" You know, 'cause they're not taking the backseat in their relationships or their job or whatever it is.
Amanda Testa: Right.
Jayne Dabu: I find health is such a cornerstone and people don’t prioritize it. They just don’t. I mean, you can't live if you don’t have your health.
Amanda Testa: Right.
Jayne Dabu: You can't make money. You can't have anything. You just can't.
Amanda Testa: Yes.
Jayne Dabu: You know, so that's basically it in a nutshell for that. [Laughs] I'm just so happy that when they do come here it's not just the needles, it's the mind shift when they see me, you know?
Amanda Testa: I'm wondering, too, 'cause one thing you mentioned is seeing so many women that lose connection to themselves.
Jayne Dabu: Yeah, it's huge.
Amanda Testa: I see that a lot as well. That was my story too. I remember one morning looking in the mirror and I had zero connection with the human looking back. I was like what happened to me. And so, I'm wondering what you see, how that presents in a lot of women, or what are the things that might be holding them back from finding that connection in themselves and in their health?
Jayne Dabu: You know, what I find and what I hear a lot -- and it was even me, too, is I kept putting other people first instead of me. You know, even at a younger age that's what I did. Everybody else's needs before me, and that's one of the top ones I hear with my patients and even with friends -- not prioritizing themselves, and then they find themselves out of alignment.
They don’t know who they are because they’ve been living their life for other people, and if you don’t take charge of your own life, then your life's just gonna run you. I usually give this kind of visual of a plastic bag blowing in the wind or this buoy that's just in the water just going wherever everything else goes. I would say that's the top one. That's where people are held back, and then they don’t even know how to make small decisions, small choices, you know? I clearly remember my counselor when I was sick with cancer saying, "Well, just start with what am I gonna wear today? What do I feel like wearing?" It was that simple! Should I wear blue? Should I wear yellow?
Amanda Testa: Right.
Jayne Dabu: You know, I couldn’t even make a small choice like that. I know it sounds silly, but you have to start with the small stuff: "Do these shoes look good?" I mean, I couldn't even make a choice. What was wrong with me? [Laughs]
Amanda Testa: Yeah, well, I think many people could relate to that, right?
Jayne Dabu: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Amanda Testa: I think if you're looking to make big changes it can feel overwhelming, so starting with those little, simple things can be so huge, right?
Jayne Dabu: I know, and then it builds up from there. [Laughs] Just start with the small stuff. Even, “Where do I want to eat?” "Well, I want to eat here." “Why?” "Because I want to," you know? That's it. Stand strong behind what your choice is. Be empowered by it no matter what it is, small or large, and it grows, you know?
Amanda Testa: Yeah, I think that initial thing of tuning in like what do I want or what do I need and then listening. It can be the smallest. I love that. You're like go into the refrigerator. What is it that you really want? What is your body telling you, right?
Jayne Dabu: [Laughs] Exactly.
Amanda Testa: Okay, good, and then celebrate when you did it.
Jayne Dabu: Yeah, yeah, not just making decisions, but they just don’t listen to their body too. They lose their voice in speaking up. That was one of my biggest things. I was on mute for a lot of my life, and I'm saying that literally because I was a professional ballerina, and they don’t speak. We express ourselves through our body, and then once I got cancer, oh, I was unmuted then, and I continue to be. I've unmuted myself, so [Laughs] I will speak up, and that's it. A lot of women don’t. Someone told me -- I think it was one of my patients -- she goes, "I don’t know. When I hit 40, I just started speaking up." I'm like is it a magic number? What is it? Another lady's like, "When I hit 60, I started speaking up." I'm like is it a decade thing? No. Maybe it's an experiential thing, but it's important to speak up. That's all. Find your voice.
Amanda Testa: Right.
Jayne Dabu: Be your own advocate. Stay strong with all your decisions. You're gonna make it, you know? Don’t waver.
Amanda Testa: I'm wondering what some of the things were that helped you to feel like you could get your voice back?
Jayne Dabu: Oh, like I said, it was the small things, and then finding out when -- hmm, well, I was a patient advocate. Being my own patient advocate, speaking up, and when they had resistance, I would ask, "Well, why?" [Laughs] People don't like it when I go, "Well, why?"
Oh, goodness, when my dad was sick I'm sure other medical doctors didn’t like me. I go, "Well, why do you want him to -- can you explain why? Can you clarify that, please?" I was even just asking clarifying questions which was also speaking up instead of just blindly saying, "Okay, not asking questions." I think that was the large thing, and then when they would say something that didn’t make sense to me, whether it was -- I was like, well, that sounds -- I mean, in my brain (I don’t say it) I was like that sounds ridiculous. You want me to do what? Then I start asking more questions, 'cause the more questions you ask, sometimes they're just on automatic pilot, too, telling you things, especially if it's their job all the time doing it.
Do they even question why? I don’t know, you know? Sometimes we're just programmed, and sometimes asking questions can deprogram other people from the regular, [Laughs] "Here's a script, and this is what I'm gonna say because this is what I do every day," you know? I think that helped me to start to speak up because when I questioned, I noticed there were some cracks there in other people.
So yeah, questioning why but not being non-compliant. You have to be compliant. I don’t want to mislead people.
Amanda Testa: Right.
Jayne Dabu: Right? They have to do what's right for you.
Amanda Testa: I think that curiosity in really listening to what's inside and naming the things that you're concerned about or have questions on -- and I think one of the things that you mentioned earlier, too, which I think is just so mind-boggling, and I never really learned or knew about until I started doing this work around pleasure and sexuality is that, often, hysterectomies are a very common procedure, and sometimes they are needed, and sometimes they can save certain parts of your reproductive system, but sometimes they just automatically take it all out.
And so, I'm curious what -- when you had that conversation with your doctor you mentioned they were very resistant, 'cause that's the other thing, too. I'm sure sometimes it's scary to stand up to an authority figure of any kind, especially if you're someone who's conditioned to please and say yes in our patriarchal culture. So I'm curious how that went.
Jayne Dabu: Oh, how that went -- speaking up? It was a little scary. I remember my heart beating. I was in my twenties. I was like ahh, I was freaking out, but it was a little voice, and I said, "I really don’t want to do that," and he goes, "Well, why?" And I go, "Well, because you haven’t showed me otherwise that I have cancer there, you know? So why would I do that?" Then, I started speaking up. It was like that, and he goes, "Well, yeah, that's a good point." "Yes, okay, good," and we had to negotiate that, and I said, "Well, what if I want to have children one day?" "Oh, yeah, that's another good point. Well, if we see that something is off then we'll go there," right? I go, "Okay, that's good."
Another thing I wanted to say to that was -- and this is something I often hear. Now, I had a male doctor, you know, at that time, and, of course, he wouldn’t know what it feels like to be a woman, right? He was a very hetero male doctor (this was 2005), and the thing that is never talked about is the feeling -- and even my breast cancer women -- is the feeling that -- it's strange, that attachment we have to our breasts and our uterus, our ovaries. I remember feeling a lot of depression about that not because oh, I won't be able to bear children, but I felt less than a woman. I was not a whole woman. I was just part of a woman. I know that sounds strange, but I've heard that, not just with me, but sometimes I'll ask my patients after they've had a radical hysterectomy, full mastectomy, whatever, oophorectomy, whatever, any of those ectomies of the female reproductive parts, and they feel like they're not feeling that sexuality, you know?
So it's a huge thing that's not talked about. I'm so happy to speak to them about that 'cause I understand that, too, of how you feel that.
Amanda Testa: Yeah.
Jayne Dabu: It's a process for sure, you know? [Laughs] It is, and learning to love your body now that there's a hole there, you know?
Amanda Testa: I think it's interesting 'cause as you mention that, I do know I have worked with clients who have felt that, and once they had a hysterectomy, they didn’t feel pleasure the same way or kind of went through the grieving process, and I think there's so much energetically that can be done to just even honor that part 'cause you still have the energetic energy even if you don’t have the physical organ, right, and we just aren’t taught to connect to that which you can do.
Jayne Dabu: Mm-hmm.
Amanda Testa: Our body is very capable of pleasure and rewiring itself in all kinds of amazing ways, but I think no one would know unless we talk about it because most of the time they just assume, "Well, that part of my life's over," right?
Jayne Dabu: Right, exactly. Then they just kind of stop trying to be -- if they want to dress up, they just stop. They stop trying to -- you know, "I want to feel good. Nah, I don’t want to 'cause I don’t have that anymore," you know? I don’t want them to feel that way. I want them to love their body where they're at right now, and at least all you lost was maybe that, but you're still there. [Laughs] You're not a shell of a person, you're still there, you know?
Amanda Testa: Of course.
Jayne Dabu: So it's been pretty powerful. [Laughs]
Amanda Testa: This is something that I would love to see. I'm just gonna put it out there as a wish in the world. I wish that when women had to have these procedures that they could be told what to expect or, like, maybe you should have a little ceremony for the parts of your body that you're gonna lose. Maybe you should honor what you've experienced and really invite this new chapter with love and how acceptance or just even neutrality or whatever feels accessible, and just deal with the grief and know that that's part of having support around that, right?
Jayne Dabu: I was gonna say I'm so happy you said that because I actually do that with my patients already because I know what it's like. I've been there emotionally, physically, everything. I've gone through it personally. I just did that with someone that was gonna get their gallbladder out. Now, I know that's not a reproductive -- but that's part of your -- you know. The gallbladder -- at that point, we tried to save it, but there are times when you just have to take it out. It just has to be taken out, you know? It would harm you more than keeping it in. She made that choice. I would honor whatever she would say, and she was so sad, and I was like, "But you need to start thanking that gallbladder for saving you. Forgive yourself for not knowing better. It's okay, but now, we have to send it off, and then now give a lot of love to that liver 'cause it's gonna be doing the job of two organs now so now you need to really take care of that place." And so, we did a meditation after her acupuncture treatment. She was like, "Ah, I feel so much better. Thank you for that." So it's funny you said that. That's what I do when people have to get parts taken out of them.
Amanda Testa: Right, well, I figured that might be part of your practice since, you know, all that you are doing there.
Jayne Dabu: [Laughs]
Amanda Testa: I think there is such a beautiful way that we can integrate all these different forms of medicine, and I just like to have those visuals of every person that has to have something removed can have a -- I will tell a funny side story. I had to have a tooth extracted the other week. It's this whole long story, but anyways, I do a lot of trauma resolution, and so, I work with a somatic experiencing coach, and I love that type of work (really getting into the body), and so, for every time I have a procedure -- even I had a pelvic ultrasound earlier, and it was an extremely non-trauma-informed experience, I will just say, and I'm thinking even just the -- I know it's getting better, and I will share, yes, it's getting so much better that there's a lot more education around that for practitioners and providers, but for being in the driver's seat of that, being able to work with someone to spend some time with these parts and letting them have their experience was huge for both the pelvic ultrasound and the tooth extraction and all the things. It seems so minor, but there's a lot there in your body, right?
Jayne Dabu: There is. Absolutely.
Amanda Testa: [Laughs]
Jayne Dabu: No, that's a really good story. You know, I'm so glad you brought that up, too. Besides the aftermath of a surgery (even if it's a tooth being extracted), when my patients say, "I'm about to have this surgery," -- I remember a patient, and she was about to have a mastectomy, and, of course, there's a lot of fear about that, you know? Of course, they could go to counseling, but then there's another dimension to that, and what I usually tell my patients is, "Okay, what we're going to do is we're gonna create how this atmosphere's going to be." I know this may sound crazy, but I did this with my doctors right before the hysterectomy. I said, "Could you please --, I have a CD," and it was meditation music, 'cause I know! My friend who is an OR nurse, she said they do listen to music. I didn’t want them blaring some crazy music while they're cutting into me, right? 'Cause it's all energy, right?
If you were playing some horrible music that was bad, with a lot of words, I don’t want that while you're cutting into me. So I got this meditation CD. I said, "Please, you have to have --," and I didn’t just tell him, I told other people on the team, "Please make sure you play this meditation music. I want calmness in this room while you're cutting into me." They were like, "Okay."
So I did that. I even said, "Is it possible to do some essential oils?" Well, I couldn’t do that because, you know, they didn’t want an infection so at least that, and I sat there, and I said, let's pray, and I prayed for them, and they were like, "Wow, no one's ever done this before." I sent a lot of energy to them while I was preparing for my surgery, right? It's so important how you enter surgery and how you exit a surgery. That's what I tell most of my patients. How do you want to create this surgery and really have them meditate on that, right?
Amanda Testa: Ah.
Jayne Dabu: Sometimes they do, do that. Yeah, it can change your whole outcome too, right?
Amanda Testa: Right. I mean, 'cause, like you said earlier, we're all just going through our days, busy. Just like everyone you're like, "Okay, I've got this procedure, I've got that procedure. I’ve got -- la, la, la." Everyone's just busy going through their day, so when you just invite -- I mean, of course, they're always doing their best to give good care, but just that extra reminder of, like, be really mindful and calm as you do this.
Jayne Dabu: Please.
Amanda Testa: I love that.
Jayne Dabu: It's my body. Please. I know it might be the seventh hysterectomy of the day, but just right there, this is gonna be a special hysterectomy today. We're gonna be calm, and you're gonna be relaxed, you know? What's funny, and I'm sure the doctor was like, "Who's this little 20-year-old telling me what to do?"
Amanda Testa: Right?
Jayne Dabu: [Laughs] I'm like seriously, it means so much to me, and I just really told them it would mean the world to me 'cause I'm really scared. And so, to alleviate my fear, you doing this will help me. Thank you.
Amanda Testa: Yeah.
Jayne Dabu: So it was probably a lot to ask for a little 20-year-old, right? [Laughs]
Amanda Testa: But, you know, I think the thing is all you can hear is a “no,” and more likely than not, they're gonna probably do what they can to work with you to be comfortable, right?
Jayne Dabu: That's right. That's right, and they did let me put some essential oils in my diffuser after surgery. [Laughs] I was like, "Thank you!" [Laughs] I brought some mood lighting in. You know, anything to help me in that sterile, cold hospital room, you know? So when I go visit anybody in the hospital -- well, maybe not during COVID times, but now we can go. I actually went to see a patient in the hospital. I brought her -- I don’t know if you can see -- you can't really see behind me, but I have this selenite lamp. I brought her one of those. I brought her some essential oil diffusers. She said it changed the whole entire room. I did some Tai Chi and Qigong while she was laying there sleeping, and then all the nurses told her -- I didn’t know this until after she got out of the hospital -- they told her, "Oh, my god, we love coming in here because the energy's so nice!" You can shift that. You really can. So it's super important. I hope that's a little tip for people out there.
Amanda Testa: I love that, and also because, yes, those people might have five call buttons going off at once, and they might just enjoy a moment of peace as well.
Jayne Dabu: Well, yeah, I think she said they liked hanging out there, and they're like, "Oh, I've gotta go! Next room," you know? Anytime they wanted to they'd just stop by her room which is great, you know? It makes it very calm in the middle of their crazy day especially in the hospital.
Amanda Testa: Yes.
Jayne Dabu: They're busy people. [Laughs]
Amanda Testa: I love this. You know, one other question that I would love to ask just because I'm sure you probably have a lot of women coming to you wanting to get more energy as they age, maybe wanting to get their libido rolling again.
Jayne Dabu: Yes.
Amanda Testa: I'm wondering what you might share around that.
Jayne Dabu: Oh, energy, libido, yes. Gosh, it's happening earlier and earlier. Before, it was just oh, perimenopause, menopause, but now it's 35, now it's 28, now it's I'm in college. I'm like oh, my god, it's coming earlier! A lot of tips around that. Diet has everything to do with it. The cornerstone of your health is your diet. What you put in is what you'll get out, right?
Boundaries with your time -- you know, making sure you're scheduling yourself appropriately. So many times, like you said, people are just running all over the place, and we're not intentional, but really being intentional with your time and who you're spending it with 'cause you don’t want to be in situations or with people that are sucking or draining your energy. We've got to think about that -- besides your adrenals. There are those things too. Relationships -- are you getting what you need from our relationships? Are you giving more? That part, that's so important. Of course, where you live. I get into the feng shui of it. Like, what's going on there? Take a picture of that house. Let me see what's going on there. That can also drain your energy too, right? The surroundings are important -- all the external stuff, like I was saying.
Then, obviously, when they come in we're going to be doing some physical stuff like the Chinese medicine, the functional medicine, that will help the libido and the other stuff. I need to remove all those obstacles that are draining that, 'cause I can only work on that physical and the energetics up here, but then they have to be responsible for their surroundings and relationships and their job.
It's funny 'cause sometimes if they don’t do that part -- but once I get the libido, the energy, the hot flashes, it could be irregular period, or if there's a fertility issue, if we can get that in place, sometimes it just changes everything externally, but I try to get them to do as much externally that they can control. Sometimes you can't just leave a job, you know?
Amanda Testa: Right.
Jayne Dabu: So I work on goals for that because I'm trying to give them the best life, not just the best health because your health is also a cornerstone for your whole life too. So we're trying to work on everything. It's a layered process, I will say. It's a process, and people don’t realize that about their health and their relationships, but there is no magic wand or pill. I don’t know who is telling you that, but that just doesn’t work. You're gonna have to work on it whether it's your sexuality, your libido, everything.
Amanda Testa: Mm-hmm, yes, I know there's that new drug that is out there for women's libido which, actually, I was like yeah, that's not gonna solve your problems.
Jayne Dabu: Yeah.
Amanda Testa: There's a great thing for placebo, so that's good, but usually there’s lots of layers, right?
Jayne Dabu: Definitely. For sure. [Laughs]
Amanda Testa: I think it's so interesting you mention, too -- 'cause there's a great book about sexuality called Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski. I just love her very much. She's a sex educator and researcher. Anyways, what she found a lot of times, too, is, really, at the root is burnout.
Jayne Dabu: Yes, yes.
Amanda Testa: And so, I think a lot of this that you're mentioning, too, kind of goes hand in hand with burnout.
Jayne Dabu: Oh, yeah, you can be burned out in all areas of your life for sure. It definitely will mess with your sexuality, your libido, your energy. Oh, my god, you could be burnt out on certain people, you know? It could just be a personal relationship too. It's funny, I was burnt out on -- and I'm just gonna be very honest here and very transparent because -- I've never shared this, actually, in a podcast.
Maybe to patients one-on-one, but I don’t mind. When I got down to the root cause of my issue besides, you know, maybe not being on top of my health a little bit, but I was in a job that was toxic. I was in a relationship that was toxic, right? At the same time, my sexuality too (because I'm gay) has a lot to do with the uterus too. I was killing myself and not coming to my own (who I am as a person) and accepting myself, right? So that's a huge part. It took me many years. The shame that I felt, and shame is huge when it comes to cancer. Shame. I think I was watching some Brené Brown video. Oh, my gosh, she's great with that stuff. I have to keep watching it over and over and over and over again, but that's a program that's there for me, right? Finally accepting who I am as a person, loving myself as a person, and from there, that's where sexuality will come, libido, energy. Just living who you are is important and honoring that.
Amanda Testa: Yes, yes.
Jayne Dabu: I find that with a lot of women, whatever it is, they're not honoring a part of themselves, and they've shoved it so down that how can you have that “I feel beautiful, I want to be wanted?” You can't have that if you're not honoring that part of you. You're killing that part of you. I didn't know it, but I was secretly killing myself without knowing. I didn’t know! I didn’t know any better, you know?
Amanda Testa: Yeah.
Jayne Dabu: So I think that's a huge, huge thing as well. I'm glad to share that with people who are listening. There's something to be said for that.
Amanda Testa: Yeah.
Jayne Dabu: And then forgiving yourself is important.
Amanda Testa: Yeah, thank you for that because I do think there are a lot of people that do kind of find themselves at these crossroads in life and are just like okay, this is no longer okay or I've been living this lie or I've been trying to be someone I'm not, and it's gonna be painful, and I'm gonna follow that truth, and everything might fall apart, and everything might be even more amazing on the other side, right?
Jayne Dabu: That's right, but you have to take the leap, and those people that are not there to support you weren’t your friends, they didn’t love you anyways, you know?
Amanda Testa: Mm.
Jayne Dabu: At least that's what cancer taught me, you know? A lot of people just -- I don’t even know -- they just scattered like at a bar when the lights turn on and everybody scatters like cockroaches. It's like where did they go? [Laughs] They're gone! But you know what? All that toxicity didn’t need to be in my life. I needed the right and perfect people, and god, that was such a huge lesson for me in my early twenties. It was big. Then you ask yourself, "Well, whose life am I living? Am I living my life or your life or what society is supposed to tell me (who I should be, how I should act, what I should wear)," you know?
Amanda Testa: Yes.
Jayne Dabu: You can't create a life you love or love the life you live if you are living someone else's life or from a place of limitation.
How can you create your life, you know? Once you're aware and you get past those limitations, that's when endless possibilities show up for you. It's easier said than done, but everybody has to walk through that themselves on their own timeline, you know? You have to just respect that about people. I mean, that's their life. That's not your life so who are we to judge? You’ve got to let them be happy, you know?
Amanda Testa: Yes, yes.
Jayne Dabu: So that's my preaching for today. [Laughs]
Amanda Testa: Well, thank you so much, Dr. Jayne, for all your wisdom and for all your creating and the amazing things you're doing. I'd love if you would just share with all the listeners where they can connect with you, learn more about your practice, learn more about Her Turn, and all the other amazing things you have going on.
Jayne Dabu: Absolutely! Okay, so I have a couple of things. You can find me on Facebook under Dr. Jayne Dabu. You can find our clinic, Lotus Acupuncture Clinic. You can also find me on Instagram under @drjaynedabu. I also have a supplement line called Genesis Botanical Formulas, so you can also find me on Instagram. I haven’t quite figured out TikTok yet, but I will get there one day. [Laughs]
Now, I am looking for delegates of Her Turn that want to share their story. So if you are interested and you want a little mini docuseries, this is free of charge. If you're okay to share your message with the world, and I'm saying please, share your message. I mean, it took me many years to speak up, right? I mean, we don’t wanna be selfish with that because you never know (just like that lady gave me that phone number that day) how your life will change. If she didn’t give me that phone number, I wouldn’t be here today. I would have been dead probably in 2005. So if you want to share your story, you can make a huge impact, and you'll never know who's listening on the other side.
So herturn.me. There's a schedule down there. You can go ahead and sign up, and we'll have someone from our team call you and interview you and see if you would be a great candidate for that. I would love to hear your stories 'cause all I hear is what's in my room here in my acupuncture rooms, but I'd love to hear other people's stories too.
So there's that. I also have drdabu.com, Genesis Botanical Formulas for supplements. Soon I will be hosting a four-hour masterclass on yourfourturnhealthlife.com. So that's a lot of websites. [Laughs] If you just got one, great! Just go there, and you'll find everything else from there, but I had to throw everything in there so yeah.
Amanda Testa: I'll make sure to list all those in the show notes for everyone listening so that you can find that. So thank you so much, again, for being here. Thank you all for listening. Please, yes, share your stories! I am excited to check out this project as it continues to unfold, and thank you all for listening. We will see you next week!
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Thank you so much for listening to the Find Your Feminine Fire podcast. This is your host, Amanda Testa, and if you have felt a calling while listening to this podcast to take this work to a deeper level, this is your golden invitation.
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