JOIN IN THE DISCUSSION ON THIS EPISODE AND MORE IN MY FREE FACEBOOK GROUP, FIND YOUR FEMININE FIRE HERE.

Amanda Testa is a trusted healer, coach, and guide who’s served hundreds of clients over the years with masterful skills in coaching, pleasure embodiment, and somatic trauma resolution.

After thousands of hours of training in trauma informed sex and relationship coaching, tantric sex coaching, energy healing, somatic trauma resolution, breathwork, yoni egg coaching and more, she’s seen time and time again the magic and wisdom of our bodies.

We all have the ability to return to our blueprint of health, aliveness, pleasure and sovereignty, and you can too.

With her powerful, loving and gentle support her clients find their desire and pleasure again, find safety and bliss in their bodies, and remember they are enough just as they are.

Find out more about her new monthly Pleasure Membership HERE.

Want more support? Schedule a confidential 1-1 call with Amanda here.

Have a topic or question you'd like Amanda to address on a future episode? Submit it on this anonymous form.

If you liked this episode, please consider giving me a 5 Star Review on Apple Podcasts! It truly does help the podcast grow. 

EPISODE 252: Trauma-Informed Care


[Fun, Empowering Music]

Amanda Testa: Hello, and welcome to the Find Your Feminine Fire podcast. I am your host, Amanda Testa. I am a sex, love, and relationship coach, and in this podcast, my guests and I talk sex, love, and relationships, and everything that lights you up from the inside out. Welcome!

_______

Hello, and welcome to the podcast. Today, I’m talking about why trauma-informed care is so key, especially when working with pleasure. I’m gonna tell you a story. Last year, I had an appointment. I had to go in for a pelvic ultrasound, and so, when I get to the appointment, first of all, most doctor’s offices are very sterile, not very warm and welcoming. And so, I am getting ready for the pelvic ultrasound, which basically is they insert an ultrasound wand vaginally and kind of make sure everything’s looking all right. They check the insides of your ovaries through an internal probe, basically. [Laughs]

1:01

And so, I get there, and I get into the stirrups and immediately start shaking. One of the things, if anyone does a lot of work around this or is familiar with TRE, that’s Trauma Release Exercises, there are certain positions that you can put your body in that actually naturally invite in a shake, and when you know what’s happening, basically, it’s your body just kind of releasing stress, releasing pent up things that it needs to let go of, but if you aren't aware of this, it can be really scary for people, and so, I’m sitting here, shaking like a leaf. They never even mention one thing about it, and they're like, “Okay, one, two, three,” shove the thing in.

First of all, that was an extremely non-trauma-informed visit, and especially working with these tender areas, and this is something that’s no fault for these practitioners. They're probably not taught this, but even just in that experience, I could tell you I just remember laying there, and my legs are shaking, and these poor people are like, “Oh, I’m sorry. We’re almost done,” and I literally was laughing because I was like, well, you know, this position will encourage that.

2:06

If people have stuff to release, it’s gonna happen, and I would imagine that in that particular instance, that type of thing probably happens a lot because if anyone has experienced any type of sexual trauma, oftentimes, these types of practices, these types of procedures can elicit a response. If the practitioners don't know how to handle it, then that can be hard for the patient.

The reason I tell you this story is just because these are the normal things that we go through as women, oftentimes, in doctor’s offices going to get your gyno appointment yearly. All these things where we’re put into positions where we might not feel very comfortable, but there are things that we can do to feel more comfortable, and this is one of the things that I really am very passionate about because I do believe trauma-informed care is so key, especially when working with pleasure, because our pleasure is wrapped up in a whole lot of other things for most of us, and on this podcast episode, I’m gonna talk a little bit more about what trauma-informed care is and how you can advocate for yourself if you're in a position where you might be uncomfortable.

3:06

Some of the key things that I think are so important is to always, number one, listen to your own body, and it can be very challenging because we’ve been disconnected from it our whole life, let’s be honest, and we’ve also been conditioned to not speak up when there’s a power dynamic, specifically if you think about a doctor’s office and a patient. There’s often more power to the provider than the patient in that scenario, so it can feel uncomfortable or embarrassing to speak up because you're like, “Well, I guess this is what’s supposed to happen, and might as well just override all my body’s impulses and just lay here and let them do what they need to do.” [Laughs] Sad but true, right?

Even me, looking back, I was like, “Man, I could have advocated for myself,” but in that moment I was in a response where I could not advocate for myself. And so, that is why even if they would have said, “Hey, just so you know, this position might make your legs shake a little bit. It’s okay. Don't worry about it. If it feels too much at any time, just let us know, and we can pause for a minute.” The problem is that really affects their turn time, and I’m sure they don't really want to spend hours dealing with people,.

4:03

They want to just move onto the next patient, which is unfortunate in the healthcare industry. [Laughs] So that’s a whole other podcast.

But I’m gonna share a little bit about what is trauma-informed care and why I feel like it’s so important, especially in my work with pleasure because not just as the doctor’s office, but when you're working with your sexuality, when you're working with your feminine fire, these things are all so wrapped up, and one of the things is you have to honor the time it takes, right? One of my mentors -- I love that Layla Martin says this. She says sometimes you can only -- you know, this is the truth about any situation -- it can only go as fast as the slowest part of you can go. Often, that can be very frustrating, right? We want to override that part. We want to push through. We want to just move on. And healing doesn't work like that. Our body doesn't work like that. So, some of the key things are not pushing, not forcing.

One of the reasons I love the ReBloom trauma-resolution model so much -- it’s one of the certifications that I did through Rachael Maddox; I just adore her -- because when we’re working with sexuality, even if you are super healthy and you’ve had a very non-trauma background, there are still things that can be tender territory, right?

5:11

And so, I feel like anyone in this industry needs to have these skills because it’s very easy to push someone past their comfort level, and some teachers have that style, right? They're very young. They want to just push. They're like, “I’m gonna push something, and you're gonna have an experience.” I personally don't like that approach because I can see the negative effects of it, and I’ve seen it through my clients where it’s backfired. When you override your body’s impulses, then you're gonna be set back a little bit, right?

Oftentimes, that can be what happens in long-term relationships, with my clients that are in long-term relationships, and they're trying to get the spark back where they have just been so disconnected from themselves, where they maybe say yes when they don't really want to, and even in a loving relationship, when you are saying yes when your body is saying no, over time that can create some residual things within your body where you might feel pain or you might feel shut down. You might not want to be intimate. This is why part of the journey is making sure you learn the language of your body and how to listen to it.

6:07

And so, what I love about ReBloom is it includes story and myth and rituals and archetypes and metaphors because this is a great way to kind of take a step back and look at the overall picture because we are looking at the holistic person, right? You can't just extract certain areas of your life. They all blend together, right? All of your body parts blend together. We are a holistic being, so it’s important to be able to sometimes see the forest through the top of the trees, so to speak, so you can see what’s going on, and also focus on health as the foundation versus trauma. We focus on health. What is working? Because we all have this blueprint of health at our core, this original essence, the perfection of our divine blueprint, right? That is perfect, and throughout our lives, different imprints, different things happen that leave residue.

6:59

What happens, the way this shows up, another term Rachael says, which I love is she calls it trauma is an embodied violation hangover. So, something has happened, and it was in the past, but it’s showing up today. Sometimes it’s even subconsciously so we might not be aware of it, right? Maybe it’s feeling totally shut down or numb around your sexuality or feeling zero pleasure or a lack of libido. There are so many different ways these kinds of things show up - how you relate, how your relationships pan out. So, what we want to do is focus on the health that you already have because no matter what you’ve been through, you have that health in certain areas. And so, we use archetypes to pull out and draw out the strengths of you and really go from a strength-based approach.

Also knowing that lens, that there are a lot of systems of oppression and cultural trauma spells that we are all under and living in that are very real and deeply affect everyone’s experience in a different way. So, some people are way more affected, obviously, because of these cultures and the systems of oppression that we’re in.

The other thing is kind of understanding how all these different aspects of regulation can intersect, like how we can take care of ourselves, how we can regulate on our own, right?

8:06

These are some of the things I talk about a lot about finding a resource, finding these places of comfort, finding a way to feel safe enough in your body to explore, co-regulation (finding people that it feels safe enough to be around), community-regulation (again, finding the community that feels supportive, that feels stable), and nature-regulation (which I love so much about this model because I’m very much so connected with nature, and it’s always been a healing, soul-nourishing place for me even just simply looking at the patterns that you see in nature, right?) No matter how chaotic things can seem or how overwhelmed you feel or how stressed out, some of the things that, often, we can count on are the fact that the sun is gonna rise and the sun is gonna set. We can count on just the beauty of watching a flock of birds fly by, right? We can just listen to the sounds outside our door to connect to the aliveness that exists in our ecosystem that we are a part of, so we, too, have that in us, right? I love it so much!

9:00

Also everyone has a different timeline. I think that’s so important to note, and I think that’s one of the things when you're talking about trauma-informed care is understanding that everybody has their own pace, and so, you can't compare yourself to others, especially around sexuality. Some people are gonna have a real quick access to pleasure. Other people, it takes a little more time. But what I do know is time and time again, if you show up for yourself and you're consistent over time, you will see the changes that you want, and it might take longer than you want, but you will get there. The key is just showing up for yourself and showing up for your practice and trusting that you will get what you want because you're showing up for yourself, and that is a huge part of it.

Also, knowing that, really, meeting whatever comes with presence, right? Like I was just saying, you might not always have a joyous experience, but just meeting whatever comes up with presence and having and learning the skills to hold whatever comes up, that is in cooperation with your body’s current capacity, right? Not pushing, not forcing, as I mentioned earlier.

10:01

It’s kind of doing the beautiful thing of titration where you kind of dip into where it feels hard and go back to where it feels good so that there is not an overwhelm, because you want to gently stretch your nervous system, not strain it, right? You want to stretch it but not over-stress it because when it’s over-stressed, it’s gonna shut down and have the opposite effect of what you want.

So, the other thing is having a lot of consent along the way. I think that is such a key thing, especially working with pleasure, and I sometimes have been in environments or gone to things where people lovingly -- they’re not trying to cause any harm, A lot of these people, they're not trying to cause harm, they just don't know the difference. So, you know, you go to an event, and maybe they force you to eye-gaze or they force you to give someone a hug. These kinds of things, you’ve got to get consent, and you've got to make sure that people are opting in, that you have the chance to say yes or that you have the chance to say no, and that there are layers in which you can engage with things, right?

Some of the key things to bring in when you are working around sexuality and just kind of having that ability to speak up for yourself is, number one, having compassion, right?

11:04

Having compassion for yourself and for your experience because we are all in this together. We’re all learning. We all are doing our best. Curiosity: being curious instead of judging or wishing things were different or beating yourself up, just being curious about what your experience is, having kindness, and being open, having an open mind and being open to receiving all the support, being open to receiving all the support. That, my friends, is such an important thing because that could be hard, too, right? That could be hard to receive support, so that can be another muscle that we work to stretch.

And so, what does trauma-informed mean? Well, basically, the definition of trauma-informed care means understanding, anticipating, and responding to the issues, expectations, and special needs that may arise when working with a person who has been victimized, but at minimum, trauma-informed services seek to do no harm, and I think it’s recognizing the pervasiveness of trauma in the world and seeking to be responsive to this reality.

11:59

I actually was just on a call yesterday with Dr. Peter Levine teaching, who founded Somatic Experiencing, which is a very popular somatic trauma-resolution program that I love and have been very influenced by. (a lot of the work that I do is body-based trauma resolution which that’s what somatic means (of the body).

So, basically, what you're doing is you're allowing your body to share its wisdom and going in cooperation with what it wants to do to move through things and to kind of remind you that you do have that health within you, so it’s kind of helping you to do the work of reprogramming your inner landscape, so to speak, so it’s more healthy and that you can remember that you have that health within you.

But one of the things he was saying was that, you know, he started in the ‘60s, and that how trauma has just gotten way worse and the things that he sees are way worse, and so, I think that it’s a societal thing, but it just is heartbreaking to me, but anyways, the point is is that, basically, most people have been affected by it in some way, and so, we need to have these tools.

12:58

And so, I’m telling you this, too, as you are a consumer (maybe you’re a consumer of services) that you want to (especially in this realm of sexuality) make sure that you're working with someone who is, at the bare minimum, trauma informed. The beautiful thing about the type of coaching that I do that works well with a lot of my clients because they also have worked with therapists, because they have dealt with a lot of the major things that they’ve been through, but there are still the tendrils, and they want to resolve that specifically around their sexuality.

Some of the things that are really important for you when you are in an experience is just making sure that you feel safe enough to participate. If you don't, then what are the things that you need to call out or what are the things that you need to feel that way, right? These can be multi-layered, but it’s just something to think of. What can feel safe enough for one person might feel very threatening for another person. So, oftentimes, that’s one of the things that irritates me, and I have had a fault with it as well because before I did a lot of this training, I would do some of these things like saying, “Oh, this is a safe space.” Well, maybe it is, and maybe it isn't. That’s not for me to decide.

14:05

What I can do is create the intention that this is a space where there’s openness, there’s communication, where there is the potential for someone to feel safe enough to participate and that they have layers in which they want to participate before they decide what to do, so that people can show up whether I’m leading a full moon circle or whether I’m teaching a retreat for hundreds of people, it doesn't matter. When I’m in these experiences, my goal is to create an environment where there is an opportunity for every single person there to find a way to engage that feels doable for them.

The other thing is knowing that as you move into your life and you’re getting into situations like, say, for example, you are going to the doctor, and you need to get your yearly exam. This is something that I have practiced, and it’s actually been met with a lot of positive response from the caregivers. Ideally, what would be great to see is that when you go to your yearly exam, they spend time talking to you about your anatomy, they explain what’s what, they even show you your cervix, right?

15:09

How amazing would that be? Has that ever happened to you? I’m curious. It has not happened to me unless I asked specifically because I'm curious about my body. And I think one of the right things, especially in this day and age with all that’s going on in the reproductive justice lack-of, that it’s important to know your own body and be able to check out your own cervix.

I love Pamela Samuelson. They do an amazing workshop that I highly recommend called Take Back The Speculum where you will have an incredible sex ed class that you never got. I can guarantee you probably have never gotten it. And you also have the opportunity to look at your own cervix. Again, what are the benefits of that? That you can see what’s going on, that you can know it’s normal, that you can look at your cycles and how things look throughout the cycle. I mean, there are so many great things that we can do for ourselves if we have the desire to learn. Granted, maybe that doesn't float your boat, and that’s okay too, but what’s great about it is when you go to the doctor, they should be telling you these things, right? We shouldn't have to self-source information, but we do. And so, that’s why we’re here, right? We’re here to help so that you can learn this stuff.

16:09

I love it. I just did a big Anatomy of Pleasure Workshop, and I think that it’s a key thing for most people because I even remember as a well-educated, college-educated person in my thirties when I first started doing this work around sexuality and started learning so much more about my own body, I was like, “holy moly! How did I not know these things?” There’s so much you don't know. So, the good news is it’s easy to learn, and it’s all very simple and learnable. That workshop was in my Pleasure Membership. If that’s something you're interested in, you can check it out!

Back to my story of how you can advocate for yourself in situations, like, for example, when you go to the gyno. So, one of the things I did, which was really helpful, is I just let them know, “Hey, I would like to kind of have some say in how this goes. So, when it’s time to insert the speculum, could I please do it myself?” The first person that I said that to didn't like that at all, but I insisted, and then they obliged me, right? Then I started going to the midwives because when I was 35 weeks pregnant I switched to the midwives, and that was amazing because they are so supportive and so consensual.

17:08

I always feel like the midwives are like a loving aunt. That’s what it felt like. It feels like my loving aunt, just offering to give me some support. But anyways, so I was like, “Can I please insert the speculum myself?” They're like, “Of course!” which is great because then you can take all the time you need. You can go slow. You can be in charge of the process, and it’s not really that hard to do. You can't mess it up.

So, those are some things you can ask for. You can ask for what you need, like, “I feel cold. Could I get another blanket?” “My feet are cold. Can I borrow some socks?” Most doctor’s offices have these things or blankets or all the things. It’s learning to kind of ask for that. And then if they're not willing to do so, find another provider who is.

The whole reason I’m bringing all this up is because my goal in my whole world around this work I do around sexuality is to make it accessible, to make it feel doable, to find a way to approach it that is a full-body yes. And that, to me, is so important, and that’s why I feel like so many of my clients really do appreciate the way that I hold space for them.

18:08

A lot of times they have gone through a lot, you know? And that’s what I hear time and time again from these clients is that, “You made me feel safe,” and, really, what I’m doing is I’m not making them feel safe, I’m helping them find that within themselves, which, then, that is the win because they can use that wherever they are in their lives, right? It’s not me, it’s what I’m reminding them that they are capable of. It’s what they are finding in themselves, and it’s also really so important to meet people where they are.

I’ve been doing this for almost a decade now, and I can look back to when I first started (I’m sure most people can look back to when they first started in their things that they're like, “Oh, gosh, that was not very good that I did that,” or, “I’m sure I learned a hard lesson or two.” Most people probably at some point in their beginning stages of whatever they're doing they might have made a mistake or two that now they know better, right? But when you know better, then you do better.) I say that to just let you know that I’m always open to feedback and learning, and I’m constantly dedicated to improving my craft and getting better at what I do because I want to provide an environment that if you're gonna come to me, and you want to work around your sexuality, that you know that you're never gonna be pushed, that you're never gonna be forced, that you get to be in charge of everything. It goes at the pace that you want.

19:17

One of my clients just recently sent me the most kind note, and she said:

“Working with Amanda was so helpful. Every session was relaxing, supportive, and safe. I was so impressed at the meditations and visualizations she would walk me through, as well as the homework, tips, and reframes that she would suggest. Everything was done at a level I can handle, and she only pushed me to grow and learn at a pace that felt good to me. She provided a different perspective and offered ideas that I never would have thought to consider on my own to help me feel more comfortable and safe in my body. Amanda really understands how to support you at whatever level you need. I am so thankful for the time I had working with her.”

I share that because I want you to know that if you're gonna come to me, that you're gonna be in an environment where your needs are honored, first and foremost.

20:00

So, that is why I wanted to share more about the importance of trauma-informed care when it comes to pleasure because, unfortunately in our society, it is so mixed-up hand in hand.

Thank you for listening to this week’s podcast. I hope that this was helpful in kind of understanding you’ve probably seen trauma-informed care all over these days. It’s everywhere. Everyone’s talking about it. The thing is, is there’s a difference between trauma-informed care and a trauma specialist, right? There’s a difference between trauma resolution and just being aware, and so, that’s why I did a bunch of additional training around trauma resolution because I wanted to feel more confident in supporting people. And, granted, that’s why I say I’m not a therapist, I’m a coach. But there is so much amazing body-based resolution that can happen when you honor help and foundation, when you honor your client and their pace, and when you celebrate every little step of the way because that is so important, too. We always give ourselves such a hard time and don't reflect on the progress that we’ve made, and so, I think that’s a key thing, too, is realizing that when you're making these steps, they're huge.

21:05

I read this book once called The Slight Edge. I forget who wrote it now, but basically, he was talking about things that are easy to do and easy not to do. But say you're flying a plane across the US, if you go two degrees off course, you're gonna end up in a totally different place. The same thing that can happen when we’re looking at the trajectory of our life, when we make these little, tiny, doable changes (and that’s why I love small, doable pops of pleasure or ways to weave in what feels good), that, over a period of time makes a huge difference in where you end up. So, it doesn't have to be a sprint. It doesn't have to be hard and scary. It could be gentle and nurturing and done in a way that you can totally hold it.

Sending you lots of love. Thanks for tuning in. And if you are looking to learn more about this, then you can always reach out to me. Shoot me a DM on Instagram @abtesta. You can email me at info@amandatesta.com, and I can happily support you.

22:05

Have a beautiful rest of your day!

_______

Thank you so much for listening to the Find Your Feminine Fire podcast. This is your host, Amanda Testa, and if you have felt a calling while listening to this podcast to take this work to a deeper level, this is your golden invitation.

I invite you to reach out. You can contact me at amandatesta.com/activate, and we can have a heart-to-heart to discuss more about how this work can transform your life.

You can also join us on Facebook in the Find Your Feminine Fire group, and if you’ve enjoyed this podcast, please share with your friends. Go to iTunes and give me a five-star rating and a raving review so I can connect with other amazing listeners like yourself.

Thank you so much for being a part of the community.

[Fun, Empowering Music]

JOIN IN THE DISCUSSION ON THIS EPISODE AND MORE IN MY FREE FACEBOOK GROUP, FIND YOUR FEMININE FIRE HERE.

As co-founder of the Global Grit Institute, a mental health training platform for leaders and coaches, co-founder of the Dharma Coaching Institute, training thousands to live their best lives, and a thriving coach in her own right, Neeta Bhushan has helped thousands of people move past their heartbreaks, failures, and disappointments. And after years of research into human behavior, observing people in their worst and best moments, being a mother of two small children, and failing more than a few times herself, Neeta knows what it takes to get back up no matter what bowled you over. Her new book, That Sucked, Now What? is a real-talk guide to personal growth that draws on and embraces the suck–and helps you break through to lasting, audacious resilience.

Connect with Dr. Neeta here.

Grab her newest book HERE.

Want more support? Schedule a confidential 1-1 call with Amanda here.

Have a topic or question you'd like Amanda to address on a future episode? Submit it on this anonymous form.

If you liked this episode, please consider giving me a 5 Star Review on Apple Podcasts! It truly does help the podcast grow. 

EPISODE 251: with Dr. Neeta


[Fun, Empowering Music]

Amanda Testa: Hello, and welcome to the Find Your Feminine Fire podcast. I am your host, Amanda Testa. I am a sex, love, and relationship coach, and in this podcast, my guests and I talk sex, love, and relationships, and everything that lights you up from the inside out. Welcome!

_______

If you have ever gone through a life transition, and something really challenging and sucky happened, and you're finding yourself on the other side being like, “Okay, now what?” I think that many of us can relate to this type of experience, and I’m really excited because, today, I have a very special guest who’s gonna share more about how to thrive after transition, along with a lot of other really great things we’re gonna dive into today.

So, welcome to Dr. Neeta Bhushan, who is going to be talking with us around her new book That Sucked. Now What? as well as her framework of bouncing back and really how you can do that. So, welcome so much. Thank you so much for being here, Dr. Neeta, and if you wouldn't mind, I’d love to hear a little bit more about kind of your story and why this work is such a passion for you.

1:06

Dr. Neeta Bhushan: Oh, wow. Yes, thank you so much, Amanda. I really appreciate it. Yeah, so, I was born and raised in Chicago to immigrant parents. My father was from India. My mom was from the Philippines. You know, I’ve had a lot of expectations that were put on me. My parents wanted the American dream. They both came from different places in the world, and I grew up having to have these expectations on myself that were obligations. I was the oldest daughter out of three of us, and this idea of academic drive and success and all of the stereotypes that you would ever think of an Asian immigrant family, yeah, that was definitely my household.

So, as I got into my older years and I had two younger brothers, we would definitely get into this season of life where I’d have to grow up really fast.

2:00

So, at ten years old, I became a child caretaker. My mom was battling breast cancer at the time, and, you know, with immigrant households, many times you come to The States and you're kind of in survival mode, right? You want to keep up with the Joneses, you want to belong, and you want to fit in. And so, I was doing piano classes, like, all of these things, dance classes, all these cultural things. So, it was like doing, doing, doing, but also, we had an elephant in the room. My mom was dying of cancer, and it was a lot of emotions. It was really a lot for my father, and I would, then, go on for six years like this growing up with a lot of the caretaking, a lot of the responsibilities, and also, trying to fulfill my duties at home, getting straight A’s, getting all the accolades, all the achievements, etcetera.

And then I would lose my mom at 16. I would lose my brother a year later to a severe sudden asthma attack, and then two years after that I would, then, lose my dad.

3:00

So, within that period of five years, and, ultimately, from 10 to 19, I would lose 3 members of my immediate family. So, it was definitely a lot, and I was left to, then, raise my youngest brother who was 14 at the time. And so, really, through that survival mode, I’m entering my 20s with all this fervor and ignition of, “Okay, well, that sucked. Now what?” And for me, the “now what” part at that point of my life was, “All right, I don't want anybody to feel bad for me. I do not want the pity. I want to just belong.” Fitting in was a huge thing for me at that point, so I did whatever it took to just have this quote-unquote “normal” life.

I went on, got married, and then, of course, at the end of my 20s they call it the Saturn Return. I was actually having the biggest awakening of my life when I found myself in this very toxic relationship, and I had to get out.

4:04

And so, that was really the beginning of my healing journey because, really, facing a lot of the demons that I had shoved under a rug -- I had put it in a closet, packed it up, tightly wound it, sat on it, and it rose up to the surface in such a big way, so big that I finally fell, and I finally broke down, and I finally let it all out, and I finally began to grieve, and I finally began my healing journey and my grieving process of healing the little girl that just wanted love and attention and support and all of the things that she couldn't have because she had to grow up so early.

And so, that took me through another decade of healing, unraveling, and unlearning because, on the outside, I was materially successful. I had an incredible career that I had built. I was a cosmetic dentist. I had all of the trappings of success before 30 and then slowly and steadily started to unravel it, and I sold my first business.

5:07

I retired from dentistry, and I really wanted to chart what that would look like, so I spent a lot of time with healers, shamans, traveling the world, really understanding and interviewing people on what they thought success was. And, for me, it was also to gain confidence and clarity on, okay, what are the throughlines or the themes in my life, and that was really resilience and grit. And so, I went on to write my very first book, Emotional Grit.

And from that point, it generally took me to a place of making peace with a lot of the stories that I was carrying on in my past and also, then, arriving to finding love again and finding my now husband and entering into this next chapter of my life which was motherhood. And it was also embracing the duality of the chaotic times, the messy moments that we all go through and really coming up with a process of how I show up in the world and helping people in this stage of my life, which is through talks, through many of our companies (I run three different companies), as well as being able to speak to you, Amanda, and share stories like this.

6:30

Amanda Testa: First of all, I really just want to honor all that you've been through and all that you've held in your life and just witness that, and also knowing that how everything sometimes comes back at a time maybe when we were thinking we’ve moved past all this and we were in a great place, like you mentioned. You have all these material things, everything's going well, but all these signs are coming and just all of the things that are requiring deeper support and deeper healing and just the journey that you went on to try to find that and how you’ve come up with these amazing frameworks, too, from your experience and that you are able to now help others. And so, celebrating you and all that you are doing, too.

7:08

Dr. Neeta Bhushan: Mm, thank you. Thank you. I receive that, for sure.

Amanda Testa: And so, I’m wondering when it comes to what it really takes to help people have this resilience and the framework to bounce back, can you talk a little bit more about kind of what you’ve created around that?

Dr. Neeta Bhushan: Yeah, so, one of the frameworks as I put my research hat on because I was a psychology major in college, and, before I went into dentistry, what I really loved is really understanding and being curious about the patterns and the why that we do things. And what I’ve recognized in this work is there are four parts to somebody’s bounce factor, and their bounce factor is their ability to bounce back after tough moments (after a break-up, after a heartbreak, after a divorce, after a sucky moment, after they didn’t get the proposal or they didn't get the promotion, after they went on and they tried to share their thoughts with a new audience for the first time or maybe share a pitch with somebody for the first time, and they heard crickets). And so, I think that it comes down to four different areas.

8:16

The first one is your upbringing. I share a lot about my upbringing, a lot about my story, and the reason why I do that is really to give context but also for you and your listeners to really understand, well, perhaps you are picking the same types of people in your life. Perhaps it was the same kinds of friendships that were toxic or that betrayed you in some way. What was actually missing? Whose love were you actually yearning for, right? So, to look at the upbringing of where you're at because those things can't be changed, but we can actually make peace with it. And so, that’s the first part is understanding your upbringing. How were women viewed in your life when you were younger, right?

9:01

Who were your very first relationships? Did you have a good relationship with your mom or dad, aunt, uncle who were in your life, right? Who were those big caretakers that you were longing for attention? I know that in many cultures, a lot of times women can't speak up or, especially in Asian culture, we can't even voice our opinion. It’s very much like, “Listen to the elder.” And so, how did that, then, play a role in how you're showing up now or how you take on big risks, how you stretch yourself, how you challenge yourself, right? So, again, making peace with that upbringing piece is huge.

Then we get into the second part which is how often are you exposed to good stress and your current environment because your current environment you can change, and I think in the last few years, we’ve been in this bubble of complacency because we’ve had to be in our homes and things like that, so a lot of times, we’re getting used to kind of the five-o’clock Netflix ‘til nine o’clock or what have you, and we’re not really stretching ourselves because we’ve been used to a certain way of being with one another.

10:04

And so, how can you actually add more good stress to your life? And something as simple as that (which I talk about in the book and I give a whole list of resources on how to start) is it could be taking a cold shower for ten seconds, increasing that factor. Why a cold shower? Well, we know studies have shown that cold water wakes up our cells and gives good blood flow, circulation, all of the things, but who really likes a cold shower? I mean, nobody, really. We have to train for it, and so, that’s just one example.

But other examples could be having a difficult conversation with somebody that you've been putting off, being able to share, “Hey, this is not gonna work for me,” and being honest and truthful about that. For a lot of people that’s like, “Ah! Oh no, why are you gonna test me like that?” It could also be saying no, enforcing your boundaries and what your boundaries would look like because, for a lot of us, we’re people pleasers. We want to be liked. And so, how to actually evoke or practice that good stress -- and it could even be going to a networking event and introducing yourself to two or three people that you don't already know, and that can also be jarring for a lot of people but being able to stretch yourself so that you can actually expand into that next evolution.

11:17

The third part of this is really getting into your emotional capacity and allowing yourself to feel. A lot of times when we go through tough moments in our life, we bury them just like how I shared in the beginning of this story. I put it in a box, I put it in a closet, and I buried it, and I packed all of my layers of clothing and clothes so that I wouldn't have to go through the depths in those dark places. But what if you are able to unpack that? What if you are able to literally open that closet door and take out all of those old clothes that no longer fit you but really peel back and open that Pandora’s box and really say, “Wow, that sucked, and that really, really sucked,” and to sit with whatever the discomforting emotions that could come up around it.

12:07

When I talk about “that sucked, now what,” it’s not just to passively move onto the next. No, it’s a catchy phrase, and I’m glad I got your attention, but it’s to sit with, not in the victim state and not the victor state, but it’s that vulnerability place of, okay, acknowledging what was the hurt, where it hurt, where it’s actually feeling weird or uncomfortable in your body, and literally sitting with it for a second or so. I actually go through a process of how to really process your emotions when you're going through a tough time. It’s all in the book, and actually for your listeners, when they actually pre-order a copy of the book from thatsuckednowwhat.com, you can actually get my free 40-page guidebook that actually takes you through the processes of emotions (like, what are you actually feeling, how to internalize it, how to hold it, when to let it go, how to release it properly so we’re not sitting in the suck for too long, but we actually can take action as a result).

13:10

The third part is that emotional capacity - can you stretch yourself to feel some of these uncomfortable feelings and make peace with it.

Then the fourth factor is your self-awareness, and this is huge. This is huge for anyone listening right now who is thinking, “All right, what can I do? What can I do? What can I do?” But many times, how can you be? How can we just be in the moment, and how can we notice if we can just do a quick check or a quick body scan, what is feeling out of alignment? How can we integrate the parts of us that maybe we were rejecting, that maybe we didn't want to feel, that maybe we wanted to leave in the closet but now they're there, and how can we love the parts of ourself that still need a little extra love and attention but, perhaps, maybe you can call on it when you are feeling tender or you are needing a little bit more courage or bravery from yourself to say, “All right. I can go through this one more meeting. I can stand up to my boss. I can share the uncomfortable thing.”

14:15

But notice it in your body when you feel like you're being stretched, when you feel like you're being taken advantage of, when you feel that this person is betraying you, when you feel that your boss is requiring more from you, notice where that sits and how that is either in alignment with you or no longer in alignment. That is radical self-awareness. That is the fourth piece of literally knowing, okay, checking in with yourself if this is a heck yes or a no.

Amanda Testa: Ah, so good. You know, those deeper explorations are so important, and even just being aware. So often people don't love being in their body, right? They struggle to be in their body and to feel the sensations and notice what’s happening, and it’s such an important thing to tune into, and I love how you talk about just increasing those good stressors so that it actually increases your capacity to hold those things, to feel the things that are uncomfortable, that are so important to process, like you say, and integrate those things that are so important.

15:16

And so, I’m wondering, too, for people that might be listening that are maybe tender right now or they're kind of in the midst of something or kind of I think sometimes, too, when people are having a really hard time, they know what to do but they can't do the things, right? So, what strategies can you have to help people in that state?

Dr. Neeta Bhushan: Oh, yes, this is a great question. So, if you are in what I call the suck, right, we want to embrace the suck, and I want you to even just (if you're one to journal, this is a great journaling exercise that I can leave with your listeners) take your journal or take your phone or something to write with but list out what is it that you're actually feeling right now. What is it that you're feeling?

16:01

What emotion is that big emotion that you are experiencing right now, whether it’s feeling hurt, whether it’s feeling sad, depressed, anxious, overwhelmed, stressed. What is that feeling? Then I want you to think of, okay, where do you usually feel that tension? Where do you feel that tension in your body? Some of us feel it as like a tension headache on the sides of our head. Some of us feel it in our hearts, that heavy weight in our hearts. Some of us feel it in our guts where sometimes maybe you have to go to the bathroom a couple times, and that’s actually our gut telling you that, “All right, there's a little bit of that overwhelm, a little bit of that anxiety,” but really pay attention to what is it that your body needs at this moment. Does it need to sit on the couch and lay on the couch? What is it that you need in order to feel nourished? This is a beautiful self-care practice. You can actually journal all of this out.

17:00

Finally, who is it? Maybe it’s a person. Maybe it’s just time. Maybe it’s you sitting and looking at the mirror or maybe it’s a physical representation of just holding yourself and hugging yourself. But how can you give yourself that nourishment, that love, that support, and to literally make out that list. So, maybe it could look like walking in your garden. Maybe it could look like walking around the block. Maybe it could be as simple as if you're in the middle of a city or maybe in the suburbs, finding the flowers as you're walking by, and right around the time of fall, there may not be many flowers, but it allows you to be present, and that’s the beauty in this exercise is allowing you to be present with what can feel nourishing. It could be as simple as lighting up a candle. It could be as simple as drawing a bath for yourself and giving that intentionality of I see you, I’m with you, I’m gonna hold you.

18:05

And I have many of these types of journal prompts and exercises that are also in the book that are also actually in the free guidebook that I have for those of you who purchase a book today at thatsuckednowwhat.com along with a five-day healing practice to start healing some of the relationships, especially in relationships, our interpersonal dynamics are one of the greatest ways to really grow ourselves, and most of us shy away from those big conventions. Most of us do not like confrontation. Most of us want to put a blanket over our heads and pretend that it never happened. And so, then, we have these negative charges that we’re not clearing because we’re so afraid of what is happening. So, I take you through five days of being able to heal. It’s a full healing practice and journey to heal, not only your relationships (that’s day one), but also how to invite grit and grace in your life and build that resilience, how to invite abundance in your life after you’ve healed those relationships so that you can have more courageous and brave conversations, and then finally, on the last day, we go into how to connect back to yourself.

19:17

And so, doing rituals just like how we just discovered here would be an amazing way, so, yes, so all of the juiciness in this five-day healing practice that you get for free when you purchase the book.

Amanda Testa: I love that. It’s so key when you're in those moments to find those inner resources, and sometimes it can be hard. So I love that, you know, making your list of the things that support you and doing those things. One of my teachers (and I love this) calls it the full exhale list, everything that makes your body go [Exhales] and write all those things down because sometimes we forget, especially when we’re having a hard time.

Dr. Neeta Bhushan: Especially.

Amanda Testa: One of the things, too, I wanted to ask about, because I feel like we can do a lot for our own selves but also healing in community is so key and important, having supportive people around you, and I’d love if you would share a little bit about some of the ways that you can create and build that supportive group around you during tough moments.

20:11

Dr. Neeta Bhushan: Yeah, so I call it your support soul posse. We all have them. They're all around us. Sometimes they're the ones that you shun away. They're the ones that are checking in on you when you know you're going through a sucky time. They're the ones that are really wanting to be there for you. They want to support you. And so, this is the time to receive, especially if you're the one that’s constantly doing or giving or sharing. This is where you get to receive, and many times it’s so hard for us to receive help and support. That’s actually the hardest thing to receive is help and support, and you may not realize, but your support soul posse may just be around you, and it could look like -- and I share a lot of these ways in part two of That Sucked. Now What?

21:00

And it’s because there are five steps to this framework that I talk about which is the Fly Forward Framework, and in that, when you're at the magnify stage, you really want to surround yourself with people that support you, and one of the ways that you can do that is to get out of your comfort zone. Make a list of all the ways where the activities that light you up (it could be yoga, it could be going on retreats, it could be going to networking events, it could be doing meet-up groups), whatever really brings you that joy (taking a pottery class, taking a painting class, going for walks in the park and signing up with other people), that’s where you find your people. So, make a list of all the places where your people are hanging out. That’s number one if you don't already have a support soul posse.

If you do, number two, you want to be the gatherer. You want to be that way-shower. You want to be the person that brings everyone together, meaning that maybe you can have a circle ritual, and you have that two-hour window where it’s in the beginning of the day, end of the day, or have it on the weekend, but have a time where there’s a start time and an end time so that you're actually sitting in community, sitting in a circle, and why a circle?

22:15

Well, because that’s how we can actually relate to one another. There have been thousands of years of women across the globe, across the world, and in ancient traditions, and our ancestors would sit in a circle and just share and sing and celebrate one another, and this is how you -- it doesn't have to be a lot of people. It could be as small as three people to take a group. Three people plus yourself, four. That’s your sister, your mom, and your neighbor. But to allow yourself to sit in community and actually ask, “How are you really doing, and what is it that I can support you with right now? What is it that you need? What are some of the things that are challenging for you?” Because when we can talk about that-sucked-now-what moments, then we can actually be a bridge and a pillar of support for each other, and this is one of the ways, among many, that you can do to magnify the community in your life with starting just with a few people that probably love you so much.

23:19

Amanda Testa: Yes, I love that so much. Even just talking about things sometimes can be so freeing. So often, you think you're in it alone, but when you talk about it, you’ll find you're not most of the time, right? People can relate because they want to be there for you and also we don't often talk a lot about the bad things in our lives or the sucky things, right? The more we can open up and talk about that, people realize, “Oh, they're not alone. Oh, we’ve all experienced sucky things,” but also really allowing yourself to receive, like you say, that’s not always an easy thing. So, I love that advice, too, just like the people reaching out to you, let them help you.

Dr. Neeta Bhushan: Absolutely.

24:03

Amanda Testa: Give them something to do that you need. If people keep calling you for help, be like, “You know what I’d really love is if you would come and fold my laundry. Is that available to you?” Maybe it is, right? You never know!

Dr. Neeta Bhushan: Absolutely! That’s the best.

Amanda Testa: Or whatever! [Laughs] Sometimes especially for a new mom, right? Because you mentioned, too, moving into motherhood is a big transition, and while it’s a beautiful, amazing thing, often there’s a lot that can come up with that, and so, I mean even there I’m wondering what advice you have for kind of finding these times for yourself when you have so many responsibilities and people that need you and all of that.

Dr. Neeta Bhushan: Oh, wow, yes, and honestly, Amanda, that’s been such a journey, you know? I think that in the book I definitely make sure to address a lot of the loneliness that can happen when we’re actually trying to figure ourselves out again, trying to reinvent ourselves.

25:00

I talk about the Fly Forward Framework in the book, and that’s part two because it’s understanding what happens when we are going through a tough time or a life initiation. We have a fall, and having a fall is stage number one. That’s the first stage. You're going through this pivotal moment, and it was either a diagnosis, it was maybe somebody left you, it was you didn't get the promotion, or you got fired, or something big and monumental happened. And where some of the emotions around it is you're shocked, you're feeling hopeless, you're feeling helpless. Maybe you're in that victim mode, but then we get into stage two where it’s that ignition.

It’s that ignition because, hey, it wasn't expected. This was unexpected that happened, and now there’s an urgency. It’s a crisis. You got a medical diagnosis. Something happened. So, now, it’s allowing yourself to change, make change. And sometimes in that ignition stage we have to, then, prioritize our selfcare.

26:03

We have to prioritize when we’re going to be nourishing ourselves. And so, even in my own life, when I had to prioritize after I left this really monumental and abusive marriage, I had to prioritize my healing for the first time ever because I had finally fallen apart which meant seeing the therapist, which meant seeing my coaches and healers and body workers and literally locking that time in the schedule, and that’s a huge part of igniting.

Because then we get to rising where rising stage (that’s stage three) when you're actually having that new sense of confidence and new curiosity on, “Okay, I know I have a busy week,” but instead of saying I have a busy week, we’re saying, “Okay, here’s where I can make time. I can make 20 minutes work here for my own walk around the block. I can make ten minutes work here where I can actually do jumping jacks or rejuvenate or jump up and down and rejuvenate my body so I can have more energy for the afternoon,” but you're actually looking at your schedule and seeing the slots where you can actually make that work.

27:14

Then when we get into parts four and five, magnify and the thriving stage, magnifying stage, you're actually now making peace with your past. You're making peace with and forgiving yourself for whatever it is that you had went through, and now you have more time because you're seeing every opportunity as a possibility for nourishment and self-care. When we get into thriving (that’s stage five), that’s actually paying it forward to other people in your community, and that’s where you’re having soul posse gatherings, you're connecting your support posse with other people as well because you want the best for them as well, and it’s just paying it forward. It could look like volunteering on a Sunday with your soul support posse. It could be taking a trip together so that you're actually making shared memories because you're passing that forward.

28:09

Amanda Testa: Yes, ah, so beautiful. Well, I feel like I’m curious, too, when people are wanting support I know they can get your book, but I’d love if you’d share, too, where people can connect with you and learn more about you and all of the wonderful things you're doing in the world.

Dr. Neeta Bhushan: Absolutely. Well, you can definitely find me on Instagram @neetabhushan, and we have a whole slew of courses as well as resources at globalgrit.co, and honestly, the best way to connect now is to grab your free bonuses at thatsuckednowwhat.com.

Amanda Testa: Beautiful. Well, I am wondering, too, specifically because my podcast is a lot around sexuality and getting your feminine fire back, and all of these things are all so connected. And so, I’m wondering, maybe if there’s any insight you could share around that before we close.

29:02

Dr. Neeta Bhushan: Absolutely. I think that many times when we’re going through tough moments because of what society has told us about our own sexuality, of our own sensuality, of our own pleasure, it’s often diminished, or it’s often looked at in a bad light. And when we talk about the wounded feminine and the wounded masculine, for me, it was having to do and to prove and to be for other people, and I think what’s so beautiful is when we can actually soften and soften into our feminine and reclaim that power back, and this is the now what part. This is the magnifying part of really reclaiming what lights you up.

I noticed that this year, in fact, as I reinvented myself, yet again, after having my second child, it was how can I gain that sensuality back? How can I gain my own flair of how I felt in my body again after the chaotic messiness of having two kids, breastfeeding, and all the things, and not really wanting to be open with my husband, like really having to redefine what that looks like and having to block out time even for intimacy.

30:20

But, for me, the intimacy looked so different, and how were we able to navigate some of these different and challenging conversations that are so important in a monogamous relationship, let alone any sort of relationship, but I think also with having two children, he was also sharing, “Okay, well --,” and we had this open conversation to say, “All right, how do you want to explore your sensuality in this stage?”

And so, I started taking pole dancing and floorwork to just get back into my body to feel alive because a lot of times, after the first kid, things don't feel necessarily right, and you're falling back in love with yourself in your new body in the way that it is again.

31:03

Same thing with my second baby, but I also, for my daughter, it was like reminding me of that essence of play and love. And that’s literally stage four and five and a little bit of stage three of Flying Forward is we have that rising period where you're rising, and you're also rediscovering what lights you up in different ways. For me, before it was triathlons and it’s very masculine, and now, it’s like, no, I want to play. I want to dance. I want to have that strength so I can do the pole tricks but also really love and celebrate my own sexuality in this season and stage of my life, and that is the magnifying part. That is the thriving part.

Amanda Testa: Yes! Well, thank you so much, again, for being here and for sharing so much of your wisdom. I will make sure, too, to share in the show notes where everyone can find you, all your websites, and where you can get the book. That Sucked. Now What? is the name which I love. Yeah, and I just so appreciate all that you're bringing. So, thank you.

32:12

[Fun, Empowering Music]

Dr. Neeta Bhushan: Ah, thank you so much, love. I appreciate you for having me.

Amanda Testa: Yes and thank you all for listening. We will see you next week!

Thank you so much for listening to the Find Your Feminine Fire podcast. This is your host, Amanda Testa, and if you have felt a calling while listening to this podcast to take this work to a deeper level, this is your golden invitation.

I invite you to reach out. You can contact me at amandatesta.com/activate, and we can have a heart-to-heart to discuss more about how this work can transform your life.

You can also join us on Facebook in the Find Your Feminine Fire group, and if you’ve enjoyed this podcast, please share with your friends. Go to iTunes and give me a five-star rating and a raving review so I can connect with other amazing listeners like yourself.

Thank you so much for being a part of the community.

[Fun, Empowering Music]

JOIN IN THE DISCUSSION ON THIS EPISODE AND MORE IN MY FREE FACEBOOK GROUP, FIND YOUR FEMININE FIRE HERE.

Amanda Testa is a trusted healer, coach, and guide who’s served hundreds of clients over the years with masterful skills in coaching, pleasure embodiment, and somatic trauma resolution.

After thousands of hours of training in trauma informed sex and relationship coaching, tantric sex coaching, energy healing, somatic trauma resolution, breathwork, yoni egg coaching and more, she’s seen time and time again the magic and wisdom of our bodies.

We all have the ability to return to our blueprint of health, aliveness, pleasure and sovereignty, and you can too.

With her powerful, loving and gentle support her clients find their desire and pleasure again, find safety and bliss in their bodies, and remember they are enough just as they are.

Find out more about her new monthly Pleasure Membership HERE.  

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EPISODE 250: The Pleasure Foundation Membership is Now Open!


Amanda Testa: Hello, and welcome to the Find Your Feminine Fire podcast. I am your host, Amanda Testa, and today is day six of six solo podcast minisodes on stories about fun and desire, and today I’m going to share with you all of the details of The Pleasure Foundation. So, this episode is an invitation to join my new pleasure membership.

If you have tuned into the past five episodes, you’ll have heard quite a few stories around pleasure and desire, why it feels hard, why just a dose of fun can revive your desire, what makes it hard, how it all comes together, why it’s so key and important. Really, the intention for The Pleasure Foundation is to remind you that your pleasure matters. You matter. You enjoying your life matters, right? Your pleasure is a key part of that. I am so grateful for you for listening in and for being here because this just shows that you are someone who does care about your desire.

1:01

You care about your pleasure. You value yourself and your experience in this world and want it to be good, right? I think that’s an amazing thing to claim. In our busy lives, it can be so easy to forget to center our own pleasure, right? It can be so easy. We are so conditioned to take care of everyone else, and I know, myself, I have to make it a real priority to do because it is not easy. It’s so much easier to do something for someone else, to clean up my house or to be on calls with clients all day or to be doing things to support things I’m passionate about. I love to be busy, and also, I love to slow down and do nothing. That has been an art that I have cultivated of being able to slow down and be with what feels good and to enjoy pleasure for my own nourishment. The Pleasure Foundation is a space dedicated to cultivating this, to cultivating your sexual aliveness, your sensuality, your nervous system regulation.

So, with this membership, you’ll enjoy pleasure rituals each month guided by me and my guests as well as you’ll get community support and much more.

2:03

The key is I want this to be doable. One of the things about our nervous system is, in our crazy world that we live in, it’s very often the case that we are running around, we are either busy and kind of over-stressing ourselves to the point where, then, we shut down. And so, it can be very common that we’re up and down and up and down. Really, what we want to be is a little more centered, a little more in that range of resilience, that place where we feel more resourced, like we’re more able to respond versus react when things feel stressful.

One of the great ways to do that is through pleasure practices. And so, what you can expect from The Pleasure Foundation membership is it’s a simple way to practice regularly supporting your pleasure nourishment. You’ll get monthly intentions, journaling prompts, and some oracle spreads. You’re gonna get one breathwork practice per month and one 60-minute embodied pleasure practice per month. And so, really, the intention with these practices is that you are going to give your body a chance to relax.

3:00

You're gonna give your body a chance to move through stress. You're gonna give your body a chance to find what feels good and just be with yourself, to nourish your body. So, what can pleasure do for you, you may ask?

Well, one of the main things it can do is reduce stress. In our hectic lives, it’s really hard to carve out time to nourish our pleasure, even when we know how important and impactful it can be, it could be hard to make time for it. The good news is, pleasurable activity is proven to inhibit anxiety responses in the brain and, again, as I’m talking about regulating our nervous system, that’s what that means. That means feeling more resourced, more resilient when things feel challenging. It’s not like we’re gonna get rid of stress altogether. We’re gonna have better tools to nourish our self through it. Our culture is riddled with stress, and when we take time to marinate in what feels good and let our body process all it is holding, we feel more content. We feel more present. We feel more capable of handling all the things that are on our plate. A regular pleasure practice can also increase self-love.

4:02

As we spend time with ourselves, we are able to start to peel back the layers of negativity and judgment that can keep us from truly loving ourselves, from loving our bodies, and truly trusting that we are enough just as we are because you are enough exactly as you are today, and these practices help you to remember that. You are able to enable new habits of kindness and compassion and allow those to enter the picture, kind of get rid of that harsh inner voice and feel more connected to yourself (the empowered parts of you), more comfortable in your skin, and more compassionate towards yourself and your experiences, right? Because that compassion piece is so key, and it’s like a muscle. You have to cultivate it.

The other beautiful thing about a pleasure practice is it activates your sensual aliveness, our connection to our sensations - that ability to be in the moment, to drop into your sight, your smell, your taste, your touch, all the things that bring you joy and presence in whatever way you can access that, right?

5:03

Because I know it’s different for every person. But in the ways that you can connect to your senses, this takes ordinary experiences and turns them into rituals of gratitude and aliveness. When you can be very aware of your senses, it’s a portal like flow. It can bring you into these trance-like states. Also, it can activate all parts of your brain so that you can be more fully aware and present in the moments that matter in your life, whether that is taking your kid and dropping them off at school or shopping at the grocery store or enjoying intimacy with yourself or with your partner. It’s that ability to drop in and be present in the moment versus having your mind spinning.

The other beautiful thing about a regular pleasure practice is it helps you to experience better orgasms. A regular practice devoted to your pleasure creates more sexual pleasure as well because both pain and pleasure are first perceived in the amygdala (that’s the part of our brain that’s dedicated to emotional extremes, survival), and pleasure and pain originate in the nucleus accumbens just below the level of thought.

6:01

There are values placed upon sensation, mingled with emotion and thoughts, so when we have a sensation that, then, triggers an emotional response which, then, triggers whether we feel pleasure or pain. And what I love about this neuroplasticity is that we are able to rewire our brains. We can rewire our brains to feel more pleasure, and the more we engage in pleasurable experiences, the easier it is for our nervous system to default to regulation. This means less stress, more pleasure, more desire, better sex, and better orgasms too. Let’s be honest, who doesn't want better orgasms? Come on! [Laughs]

All right, and also, have some fun, man! Have some flipping fun, you know? Fun and play are at the heart of this work because I really feel like that is the key to making it doable and enjoyable. My dad always told me that I was a balloon looking for a party, [Laughs] which is the truth. I love a good time, and I love to infuse my practices with gentleness, wisdom, and playfulness, and that’s the feedback I always get form my students is that have a very warm and gentle and inviting style that makes it very comfortable and feel safe enough to drop into these practices in a way that is supportive.

7:09

Here in The Pleasure Foundation, you're gonna be able to support and celebrate what feels good with other amazing souls who also want to celebrate their joy and pleasure, and the community aspect of this work is really so healing because, as I talked about in the last episode, shame dissolves in the light. When we gather together to celebrate pleasure, it’s a powerful, healing experience. So, some of the keys that you're gonna walk away from, my intention is that if you are consistent and sticking to your practices and showing up twice a month, that you are going to walk away with these keys.

Key number one is nervous system regulation. As I talked about earlier, we can use our pleasure to nourish our wellbeing. You can use these practices to go from feeling overwhelmed to feeling regulated and calm, to feeling more creative and present because I truly believe, and I have seen it in my experience and with my clients and students that our creative energy and our sexual energy are one in the same, so when we can kind of activate this aliveness within us, our creativity is skyrocketed.

8:03

Key number two is just to educate ourselves, right? We haven't been taught. It’s not our fault we were never taught the proper anatomy of pleasure, but with education and understanding your anatomy and what brings you pleasure, you're gonna be able to learn more about what it takes to feel good and what you enjoy based on your unique pleasure profile because everyone’s different, right?

Key number three is practice. As I keep saying, the practice part is such the key part. You know, it’s the doing, it’s the showing up, it’s taking what you’ve learned and actually putting it into practice, and repetition is what builds new neural pathways to pleasure. So, we need to practice so we can more easily default to pleasure. Being celebrated and encouraged along your pleasure journey by supportive, like-minded peers eliminates shame and guilt for putting yourself first. So, again, this is why that community aspect is so key.

A little bit about me, if you're not aware. I think many of you know me because you’ve been listening to my podcast. So, if you're just tuning in, as well as being the host of the Find Your Feminine Fire podcast, I am, as well, a holistic sex and relationship coach. I’m a trusted healer, coach, and guide.

9:10

I’ve served hundreds of clients over the years with masterful skills and coaching pleasure embodiment and somatic trauma resolution. After thousands of hours of training in trauma-informed sex and relationship coaching, tantric sex coaching, energy healing, somatic trauma resolution, breathwork, jade egg coaching, and more (I’ve done all the things, let me tell ya), I’ve seen time and time again the magic and wisdom of our bodies. We all have the ability to return to our blueprint of health. It is within us, this blueprint of health, aliveness, pleasure, and sovereignty, and you can, too. With my powerful, loving, and gentle support, my clients find their desire and pleasure again. They find safety and bliss in their bodies and remember they're enough just as they are. That is my deepest, deepest desire is my intention with this is that you come home to yourself, right? You have that remembrance of who you are and the power of that, the amazing, amazing power of that.

10:07

Again, this is easy and doable. There are only two classes a month, so you’ll have the time to drop into your pleasure without adding too much to your plate. You're gonna have accountability. You're gonna be held in your commitment to centering your pleasure by being a part of this group with a powerful community of like-minded peers, and when you give yourself this gift to drop into your connection with yourself, your body, and your pleasure, it’s priceless, right? Less stress equals more joy, and I would love to have you here. It’s only going to be $44 a month for a limited time for founding members and, again, you're gonna get monthly intentions and journaling prompts, a monthly breathwork session, a monthly pleasure practice, community accountability and support, and you can also join if you want to just jump all in and go for a full year, there is a discount there as well, plus you’ll get a bonus one-on-one session with me. So, that founding membership year-long cost is only $396. Again, there are always payment plans available, all that good stuff.

11:02

We’re gonna explore different themes every month, and, really, the intention is that you have these different opportunities to explore and to get to know yourself a little bit better.

So, I just want to go over, too, some of the frequently asked questions because I know these come up a lot.

Q: What if I can’t make the live session?

A: So, we’re gonna meet live every other Tuesday (two times a month on Tuesdays) at 11:00 AM Mountain Standard TIme. I know not everyone can make that, so all calls will be recorded and posted within 24 to 48 hours on the course portal. So, you’ll also have access to a course portal, and on that, you’ll also find lots of other great resources on kind of the basics of what you need to jump into this program strong, to feel good, to have what you need.

The commitment is you can join for a monthly membership, and you can sign up for however long you want, right? You can cancel anytime with 30 days’ notice, but it is a membership-type format so when you cancel, you lose access to the membership. So, you won't be able to access the content unless you're a current paid member, but the intention is that you are going to love it, and you're gonna be so happy to be there. You're gonna invite all your friends, and you guys are gonna have the best time ever. [Laughs]

12:07

Q: What about privacy?

A: This is another question that comes up. “I don't want anyone to know I’m doing this.” Well, first of all, your privacy is protected, and when everyone joins, we have a community agreement that everyone signs off on. Everything is confidential, and, yes, we are addressing sexuality and sensuality, but all the practices are done in the privacy of your own home. No one can see you or hear you. This is a webinar-style format, so it’s me teaching and talking and then you receiving. That’s what you get to do. You get to show up and receive and, of course, if you have questions or anything like that, I’m there to interact with you, but you certainly don't have to if you don't want to, and if you do, then you can just raise your hand, and I can bring you on. But, for the most part, you have all the privacy you need.

Q: Who is this for?

A: If you're new to exploring pleasure or if you are a seasoned pleasure connoisseur looking to deepen your practice, this is the space for you. All calls will have tiers so you can engage the practice in a way that feels doable to you, honoring yourself and your body’s wisdom above any invitation I offer.

13:05

As you always hear me say: “Your sovereignty is the number one thing to trust.” The goal is to make pleasure easy and accessible for you no matter where you are on your journey. All femme-identified folks are welcome. I stand for equity and equality of all people, inclusive of race, genders, and sexual orientation. In such, I’m committed to and actively engaged in my own anti-racist work and intersectional feminism journey, and it always is continued. This will never end. As we circle together, we also intentionally co-create more conscious, welcoming, inclusive spaces.

And, at the same time, I will admit I do know this. I have the lived experience of a white, cis, hetero woman who has lived a pretty privileged life. And while I continue to do my personal work, I am always open to feedback, and I am always open to conversations, and if I do anything that causes harm, I'm committed to talking about that and to devoting resources to handling it to honor and support your experience.

14:00

Q: What am I gonna need for the practices? What do I need?

A: Okay, well, here’s what you need. Ideally, you have a private, quiet space for the practices. I’m gonna share a little joke about that because in our house, the only door that has a lock on it is the bathroom. So, I do 90% of my practices in the tub because I love a bath and because I’m just like this is the perfect place for me! Nothing else is required, right? You just need a private space about the size of a yoga mat.

If you desire additional tools, you can always add those in as you desire, but we’ll talk all about that and answer any questions and provide additional resources in advance of our opening circle. So, you can always reach out to me if you do have questions there. Again, you can always reach out at amanda@amandatesta.com or you can book a complimentary call with me if you go to www.amandatesta.com/activate. If you have more questions, you can reach me there. You can DM me on Instagram @abtesta or go to the website and join us!

If this is feeling like, “Oh, my god, I’m excited for this! I feel a tingle in all the right places,” then you are so, so invited!

15:02

All are welcome into The Pleasure Foundation if you are a femme-identifying being: www.amandatesta.com/tpf. I hope to see you there, and thank you, again for tuning into these six minisodes. We’ll be back to our regular programming next week, but I do hope that you have found value in really kind of getting the nitty gritty around pleasure and why it feels so challenging and why it’s so important and how you can easily weave this into your busy life. Sending you much love, and we’ll look forward to seeing you inside!

JOIN IN THE DISCUSSION ON THIS EPISODE AND MORE IN MY FREE FACEBOOK GROUP, FIND YOUR FEMININE FIRE HERE.

Amanda Testa is a trusted healer, coach, and guide who’s served hundreds of clients over the years with masterful skills in coaching, pleasure embodiment, and somatic trauma resolution.

After thousands of hours of training in trauma informed sex and relationship coaching, tantric sex coaching, energy healing, somatic trauma resolution, breathwork, yoni egg coaching and more, she’s seen time and time again the magic and wisdom of our bodies.

We all have the ability to return to our blueprint of health, aliveness, pleasure and sovereignty, and you can too.

With her powerful, loving and gentle support her clients find their desire and pleasure again, find safety and bliss in their bodies, and remember they are enough just as they are.

Find out more about her new monthly Pleasure Membership HERE.  

.

Want more support? Schedule a confidential 1-1 call with Amanda here.

Have a topic or question you'd like Amanda to address on a future episode? Submit it on this anonymous form.

If you liked this episode, please consider giving me a 5 Star Review on Apple Podcasts! It truly does help the podcast grow. 

EPISODE 249: How to Say Goodbye to Sexual Shame


Amanda Testa: Hello, and welcome to the Find Your Feminine Fire podcast. I’m your host, Amanda Testa, and we’re doing a small diversion from our usual thing. I’m dropping in with six solo podcast minisodes on stories about fun and desire, reviving your pleasure, and at the end of this episode, I’m going to invite you into a really, really fun experience. So, here we go! Today is podcast five of six minisodes, and we’re talking about saying goodbye to sexual shame.

Not too long ago, I was leading a women’s circle, and I don't know, maybe there were 25 or so women-identifying beautiful beings in this circle, and one of the things that I find so powerful about experiences like this is that there is a sacredness to being together in this way. And as I was sitting there looking around the circle at all these different types of bodies and beings and beauty, and everyone there had a unique experience that brought them to the circle.

1:06

But one of the things that one of the attendees said was that she had a lot of shame and embarrassment around just being even a woman, and that growing up it kind of felt more comfortable to be different than that because even being in a female body felt hard. It was interesting because it opened up a really lively conversation, and everyone started to share a little bit more about some of the things that they had shame around.

Another woman was sharing how she felt shame that she just never felt desire at all and felt like she was broken, or something was wrong. First of all, that’s not true, and second of all, what happens in those types of situations is that most of the time whatever someone’s sharing, people always say, “I thought I was the only one,” and there are numerous hands that raise, experiencing a similar thing, right?

2:18

I don't think there is a woman-identifying person out there who can’t relate to, at one point, feeling ashamed of just being in a woman’s body. The fact that we have less rights in a body like this, the fact that we have less power in this body, the fact that maybe you saw other people with different bodies get different types of treatment, and maybe that didn't seem right to you. Most people can raise their hand to that, right? Most people in this type of body can raise their hand to the fact that there has probably been an experience where they received some unwanted attention in some way that made them feel a little shy about their body in some way. And I don't know if you relate to any of this, but the reason I share this story is because in this circle what I saw was that there was a woman sharing about shame and being seen and recognized, being seen and realizing I’m not the only one that has this experience. This is universal.

3:18

When we can bring things like that to the light, it’s so healing, and being able just to talk about things that feel hard to say and be witnessed and celebrated in that is so huge. I love, love, love experiences like that, and it made me think, too, you know, around when I’m specifically talking around sexuality and teaching around sex and relationships and all that’s wrapped up there, and that is one of the number one things that comes up with people: embarrassment. Feeling embarrassed that they feel like something’s wrong with them, and I love how Emily Nagoski talks about this a lot in her book, Come As You Are, is that, you know, whatever you're experiencing, it’s normal.

4:01

We just don't talk about it. And this is one of the reasons why it’s so important to talk about these things and to bring this stuff to the light because the more we can empower ourselves to allow our pleasure to be, to expect it, to enjoy it, to spread it, the better, and the more understanding we are of others and the less judgmental we are of others and the more liberty there is for all. It’s so true, oh, my gosh.

Anyways, I know that you're probably familiar with Brené Brown and her research on shame, but I love how she has a beautiful way of describing shame, and here’s what she says about shame:

“Shame is the fear of disconnection. Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and, therefore, unworthy of love, belonging and connection. Shame thrives on secrecy, silence, and judgment.”

So, what is the alternative? How can you deal with these things when they come up?

5:02

Because I know from my own personal experience, before I started doing my own work around my sexuality, I too had a lot of shame around sex. It was very performative. It was never about me. It was always about my partner having a good experience. It was never about me. It was about looking a certain way or thinking that I needed to look a certain way, and I think this is a very common thing for a lot of the women that I work with. They feel embarrassed sometimes about maybe the way they look or maybe the way they smell, or they're worried about all these things that are keeping them from being in the moment, from enjoying the experience, from finding what feels good, from asking for what feels good, right? When we can do this in these situations, we can do it elsewhere.

So, empathy, compassion, being curious, bringing these things to light is how you work with shame and how you kind of move through it. Granted, yes, it doesn't happen overnight, but the more you show up for yourself with compassion and realizing that you're not alone in this -- our culture is built to disempower women.

6:06

Our culture is built to strip pleasure and power away, and when you can regain that back, it is a magical thing. It really is. It changes how you show up in the world. It changes how you show up for the community. It changes how you show up for causes that are important to you. It changes how you show up for everyone, having an opportunity to have more pleasure in the world and having what they want. I truly believe that the more we can talk about this kind of thing and open the conversation, be together to celebrate pleasure, to celebrate what feels good, the more that shifts. It really, really does.

The other thing that we can do when it comes to shame is we can spend some time with our own shame and kind of just let it know that we’re there for it. I know this sounds kind of like an interesting concept, but it's very rooted in what works, and the way our minds work is that we often do have numerous things happening at the same time, right?

7:00

We have both/and. I love that both/and concept where I could be feeling two things at once. I could be feeling both pleasure and shame. I could be feeling both happy and sad. I could be feeling both excited and fearful. This is how our brains work. This is how we are. we’re multifaceted. And so, what we can do when we are experiencing shame around something is kind of examine it. Maybe not at a time when we’re right in it, but afterwards and say, “What was that about? What was coming up for me? Where did I learn the things that made me feel ashamed? Is that true to me today?” Because, really, what we’re trying to do here is reframe how whatever’s happened is working with you today.

That’s one of the great things I love about coaching is it’s very forward facing. We want to look at, “All right, well, this is affecting you this way, and how could it be different?” Something that I see work is when we can bring that curiosity and compassion for ourselves, and I know it takes practice, but it can be done, and it’s so beautiful to see what can happen on the other side.

8:00

One of my clients shared with me -- I loved how she would always call herself -- she was a self-proclaimed prude, and she was very disconnected from her feminine energy, didn't want anything to do with sex, and just was like, “Ugh, this feels like something I have to do.” Again, sometimes these things take time. There have to be shifts that happen in a lot of areas, and it takes time so be patient and compassionate with yourself, but I love how I got a message from her, and I love getting messages like this. She left a message on my voicemail, and she was like, “Um, I just had to let you know that I am now having the best sex of my entire life. I have never been happier,” and I love hearing stories like that. It reminds me of my own because I do recall when I did this work -- I mean, I’ve worked a long time, and I did a lot of study, you know? I’m certified in this. I’ve done lots of education. I’ve done lots of different practices. I’ve spent hours and hours studying, doing my own thing, and doing my own practices - thousands of hours.

9:00

And also, what I found is (you don't always have to spend this much time) on the other side of even just a few months of doing this work, I realized that the shame that I felt around sex just wasn't there. And it was amazing, and I remember having an experience connecting with my husband, and we were just pushing our edges and having so much fun, and it was great. I know in the past when those kinds of things would have happened I would have felt maybe guilty or shamed or dirty afterwards, and I didn't feel that way at all. I felt happy. I felt connected. I felt joyful. I felt alive. That is what can happen. That is what’s possible, and I love that because I think that can feel so far away for people, but it really doesn't have to be.

And so, I wanted to share this story as just a little ray of hope. If you are feeling that way or if you feel shame, I see it time and time again with my clients and my students that there is the other side, right? You can get to the other side. It is possible, and one of the ways it becomes possible is through practice and showing up for yourself.

10:07

I wanted to invite you if you are feeling called to explore what it could look like to create a sensual self-care practice that is nourishing to your body, that is nourishing to your soul, that is nourishing to your sexuality, then I invite you to join me in my Pleasure Foundation membership! The Pleasure Foundation is a place dedicated to your pleasure, your aliveness, your nourishing of your own self, and I am just thrilled. I have been wanting to launch this for years, and it’s finally here! If this is something that you’d like to learn more about, please check out www.amandatesta.com/tpf. This is a place where it is going to be gentle and fun and non-pressured, right? This is a place where you get to explore at your own pace, you are always in charge, and it’s also gonna be a hell of a lot of fun. So, if you're interested, get your ass in here! We’re gonna be starting January 31st, and I would love to have you! You can find more, again, at www.amandatesta.com/tpf as in The Pleasure Foundation. Sending you lots of love! We’ll see you on the next episode!

JOIN IN THE DISCUSSION ON THIS EPISODE AND MORE IN MY FREE FACEBOOK GROUP, FIND YOUR FEMININE FIRE HERE.

Amanda Testa is a trusted healer, coach, and guide who’s served hundreds of clients over the years with masterful skills in coaching, pleasure embodiment, and somatic trauma resolution.

After thousands of hours of training in trauma informed sex and relationship coaching, tantric sex coaching, energy healing, somatic trauma resolution, breathwork, yoni egg coaching and more, she’s seen time and time again the magic and wisdom of our bodies.

We all have the ability to return to our blueprint of health, aliveness, pleasure and sovereignty, and you can too.

With her powerful, loving and gentle support her clients find their desire and pleasure again, find safety and bliss in their bodies, and remember they are enough just as they are.

Find out more about her new monthly Pleasure Membership HERE.  

.

Want more support? Schedule a confidential 1-1 call with Amanda here.

Have a topic or question you'd like Amanda to address on a future episode? Submit it on this anonymous form.

If you liked this episode, please consider giving me a 5 Star Review on Apple Podcasts! It truly does help the podcast grow. 

EPISODE 248: WTF Does it Mean to Practice Pleasure?


Amanda Testa: Hello, and welcome to the Find Your Feminine Fire podcast! We are back with minisode four of six. This is a small diversion from our usual podcast because I’m dropping in with four solo podcast minisodes on stories around fun and desire, and at the end of this episode, I’m going to invite you into a really fun experience, so tune in.

WTF is a pleasure practice? People keep asking me, “What does this mean? Why? Why would one practice pleasure? What’s the purpose of it?” For those of you who have been following my podcast for a long time, you know, as a sex and relationship coach, I interview experts all the time on my podcast around how you tap back into your desire and how you get your libido back and all the things that we deal with in trying to find our feminine fire again. What I realize is in doing this work for almost a decade, and after thousands and thousands of hours of personal practice, and thousands of hours of coaching others and teaching others, something that I realize is one of the most important things about this work is the practice of it (actually doing the thing). It’s not always easy.

1:09

I’ll tell you, the other day I woke up, I had a terrible migraine, I was about to start my period any minute, I was grouchy AF (I didn't sleep at all the night before), my neck was in a crick, I was just not in a good mood, right? It was one of those days where I was like, “Do not look at me. I might rip your head off.” [Laughs] So, I got up at 4:30 because I could not sleep and just decided I might as well get up. And so, I got up, and I was still feeling pretty grouchy, so I decided that I was going to do a little practice, and, granted, at this time of the day, I’m just getting up. I’m feeling a little lazy. I want to just hangout and snuggle the dog for a little bit. So, I usually do that, and then I just allowed myself to kind of move into, “What is it that I need right now? What is it that I really need?”

2:04

Well, number one, a good night’s sleep. But I can't get that, so back to number two - what do I really need? I want to feel good in my body. Ugh, well, my neck’s killing me, and my body hurts, so that’s not gonna happen right now. Number three, it’s like, okay, these things may be true, but I know that I can tend to stay in a mood like this for a long time if I don't do anything about it, and I don't really feel good when I’m in this kind of a mood. I’m not really the kindest to my family when I’m in this kind of a mood. I’m snappy and grouchy.

And so, I just allowed myself to journal for a bit, and then, the next thing I know, a couple hours had gone by. I ended up getting sidetracked doing some work here and there. I didn't fully dive into my practice, but I was like you know what? It is what it is. Some days are like this, and then I realized I was still grouchy. My daughter woke up, and I found myself being short and grouchy, and I was like, okay, you know what? This isn't cool.

2:58

I had planned on spending the whole day doing work, having quiet time to myself (because my husband was traveling), and taking care of some needs that I had and realizing, okay, you know what? It’s a snow day. My daughter will be home with me all day which is an amazing gift because I love spending time with her, and it’s okay that I also feel frustrated that I’m not gonna be able to get done what I need to get done.

So, I decided to get her situated with some entertainment AKA a screen, and I was like you know what? This is gonna benefit us all if I just take some time and do a pleasure practice. So, what that looked like for me on this fair day was that I went into the bathroom and locked the door. The bathroom is my favorite place to do a practice because it’s the only door in the house that has a lock, but also because I love just to have that escape in the bath. I’m a Cancer. I don't know. I love water.

So, anyways, I get in the tub, and I just allowed myself to release, right? I cried and I cried and I cried, and I just needed to just let these emotions flow, and I cried, and I snuggled myself, and I cried some more, and then I just sat there and just let myself sit and let myself feel the warmth of the water and just be grateful that I’m able to take a warm bath and thankful for the water and thank you for all that made it possible that I could be cozy in that tub.

4:19

And then I got out, rinsed off in the shower, and then I just kind of gave myself a massage, right? I just intentionally took my lotion and rubbed it in with love and care, and I intentionally went slow so I could just be kind and nourishing to myself, right? That’s what a pleasure practice is about. It’s meeting yourself where you are. People think, “What’s going on here? What do we do?” What you do is you meet yourself where you are, right? You give yourself what you need in that minute. You take the time to slow down, to listen to your body, and to tune into what it needs.

So, for me, what I needed was gentleness, slowness. I needed just presence, and I needed some alone time. And so, I created that environment for myself and, granted, this only took about 30 minutes from start to finish so it’s not like I was in there for hours, right? One show. My kid watched a show. I was able to take care of myself.

5:15

And when I emerged from that bathroom, I was a totally different woman, you know? I had a lot more patience, and I apologized to my daughter for being crabby and short, and she understood. She was also crabby because she wanted to be playing with friends and was mad no one wanted to drive in the snowstorm. And then we were able to turn it around, and the neighbors invited her for a playdate, so she got to leave and do some things, and I got to have my client calls without interruption, and it was great.

Needless to say, when you can shift your personal experience, when you can shift your own physical state, it makes a difference in what happens around you, right? We often don't give ourselves the permission or the time to do that, and I see this all the time with my clients, with my friends even, right? We have the best of intentions, but we don't always do the thing, and I like to use a gym analogy because I think people get this.

6:05

You can read about the gym. You can learn about muscles. You can read about what happens when you go to the gym. You can read about the results people get when they go to the gym. You can listen to podcasts about working out. You can do all of these things. You can go hangout in the gym and just watch what people are doing. You can see what people are up to, right? But unless you're actually lifting the weight or moving your body on a machine or taking a class at the gym, learning how to stretch, your body is not receiving the benefit, right? You’ve got to actually do the thing.

The same thing happens when it comes to pleasure, right? You can read all the books, you can listen to all the podcasts, you can do all the things, but unless you're actually making the time to do the practice, dropping in to be with yourself and your body and give it what it needs, then you aren't gonna be able to get the same result, right? Of course, yes, you need to understand your body and you need to deal with all the things that are standing in the way, right? It’s not so easy, believe you me, I know.

7:07

And so, that’s why I created this pleasure membership because I know from my own experience and from thousands of clients that when you actually make the time to do the thing, you get the result on the other side of it, right? Just like going to the gym, on the other side of a practice you feel more connected to yourself, you feel more present, you feel more alive, you’ve got this little refreshed energy bubbling through you. One of the things that people often ask is, “Well, why don't I just go to the gym? Why would I do a pleasure practice?” Well, the difference is, oftentimes, again, we always feel like we have to be productive. We always feel like we have to be doing something. We feel like, “If I’ve got free time, I need to make the most of it. So, if I’ve only got an hour, then I need to work out because that’s the only time I’m gonna have it and then I won't get my exercise in.” That is true, but also, do you make time to be with yourself? Most of us don't. Most of us don't know what we truly need, what we truly enjoy, what our bodies want, what we need, and so, when you make that intentional time, it is amazing what happens on the other side if you give yourself that permission.

8:14

Again, as I mentioned in the last episode, when I first started doing this work, I was mortified. I was embarrassed. I get it, right? There is a lot of shame around our bodies. There’s a lot of shame around our sexuality. There’s a lot of shame around pleasure. Even that word itself can be very hard to take for some people, and that’s why I feel it is so important because, really, it’s all about just making yourself feel good, and that’s what it means to practice pleasure. It means doing the thing, sitting down with yourself. Here is the beauty. What does it look like? You show up, you're on Zoom, no one even sees you or hears you because it’s webinar style when I teach class unless at the end you want to come on and ask a question or if you ever want to share, you're always welcome to raise your hand and come on. Of course, if you don't want to, you don't even have to.

9:01

So, it’s very, very private, and basically, what I do is I lead you through a meditation. There’s a grounding process just to get situated into your space, and then there are some invitations of how you can tune into what your body needs and offer yourself what your body needs. So, it’s very much at your own level, and people take it on all kinds of levels, right? Maybe you will just relax and listen to it like a meditation. Maybe you want to dive fully into the breathwork. Maybe you want to just journal or draw during it. Maybe you want to touch your body. Maybe you want to have multiple orgasms. Whatever it is, right? There are levels of what you will do during your time, and you get to choose what that looks like. You get to be in charge. That’s the beauty of it.

But it’s the intentional time set to learn something new, the intentional time set to just be with your own self to process emotions, to move through stress, to have fun, and to do it in a community that is supportive because that is the key, too, is that we have so much shame and guilt around taking time for ourselves, so much shame and guilt around pleasure, and when you can show up, claim that you're taking this time for you, and be supportive in it, it’s amazing what happens to the shame.

10:09

It starts to dissipate, and I can tell you right now, I mean, I am a debutant from Georgia. I have had a lot of unlearning that I’ve needed to do over the years in many different areas, and if I can do it, you can do it. Anybody can do it, and it’s so funny because this is something I hear from my clients time and time again.

One of my dear friends and clients, Jen, was just telling me, “What I always love about you is because, yes, I’m always nervous moving into something like this, and what I’ve realized is that I trust you, and I trust your leadership, right? And I feel like you always have the perfect practice to get me invigorated and ignited again, and immediately, your disarming and charming style welcomes and warms people to you, so it’s a unique talent that you can combine that vulnerability and also the warmth to help us have more connection to ourselves and to increase that self-care, that self-love piece.”

11:07

I think that’s one of the things that I just want to address is the shame or the fear, right? We’re always gonna have that show up when we try something new, and this isn't for everyone, right? This isn't for everyone, but the thing is that for the people that do want this, you are gonna love being able to have this supportive environment.

Why is it worth it? Well, because from surveying past clients and students, some of the feedback people always say is they feel more self-love, they feel better in their body, they feel more relaxed, they feel more satisfied both alone and with a partner in intimacy, the feel more powerful, they feel more confident, they feel more creative because our sexual energy and our creative energy are so intertwined, they feel more connected to their bodies, they're able to work through shame and guilt, they're able to feel less pain, they're able to feel more worthy, and they're able to shift into a completely different state of mind for the better.

12:01

Like I was mentioning earlier on my story of being grouchy AF and turning that around through a 30-minute practice, and granted, I’ve done this work for so long. I’ve done thousands of hours of my own personal practice which enables me to have a really strong transmission which means if you're in my presence, you're gonna get the benefit even if you're listening like a meditation, it’s like having that wisdom imparted through the intention, through the sacred space, through my voice, through the practice that you receive. So, even if you just show up, no matter what it looks like, you're gonna receive something.

So, these are the things that are possible, and it’s also not a magic pill, right? I can't guarantee you anything, but what I can do is if you make a commitment to show up for yourself again and again, if you make a commitment to meet yourself with compassion and patience no matter what shows up, that is success. That is the key because what you're gonna learn to do is meet yourself with compassion. You're gonna learn to hold yourself if you have emotions come up.

13:00

You're gonna learn to laugh your ass off and have fun. [Laughs] You're gonna learn that you get to be celebrated in having pleasure. One of my students the other day posted about how, “I love that I was just able to take an hour for myself in the middle of the day, even when I had kids home from school, and just be able to drop into a breathwork practice, drop into relaxing and moving through some things, which I needed to, and I came out a totally different person.” That, my friends, is the beauty of this. That’s the beauty of this!

And so, I just want to invite you. If you're feeling called to explore what a pleasure practice can mean to you, what consistently showing up for yourself in a way that feels doable two times a month, that is doable for most people, right? If you can't be there live, you can always watch the recordings. Sometimes people would prefer that. They want to watch the recordings on their own. But sometimes people want to be together, and, again, it’s so private. No one even sees you. It’s a webinar style on Zoom is how we meet, and it’s so much fun. I love, love, love. This is one of my favorite things in the world to do.

14:02

I have always been an instigator of fun, a leader of fun. I think in one of the personality profiles I did with Sally Hogshead I’m the people’s champion which means I love to gather people for a cause, right? This, my friends, is the cause of having more fun in your life, feeling more connected in your relationships, enjoying your life because, really, at the end of the day, that’s what it’s about. I love, love, love when I talk to clients and they're just beaming because they feel so much more connected and happy in their life. That is what I love to see, and even if it’s just, “I’ve made a lot of strides!” I have been able to really overcome some horrible self-talk that I used to have around my body. Again, it’s just what’s possible when you commit to being loving and even if loving feels hard, just acknowledging what’s alive for you and being with it so you can move through it and have the invitation and be taught the ways how to do that through practice.

15:00

So, I would love for you to get your ass in here to The Pleasure Foundation and have some fun with me! We’re gonna be starting on January 31st! So, that is right around the corner, and if you are feeling called, please, you can check out more and learn more at www.amandatesta.com/tpf as in The Pleasure Foundation. You’ll find a lot more information. If there are more questions that you have, you can always reach out to me. Send me a DM on Instagram @abtesta if you have questions. I’m sending you lots of love. We’ll see you on the next minisode!

JOIN IN THE DISCUSSION ON THIS EPISODE AND MORE IN MY FREE FACEBOOK GROUP, FIND YOUR FEMININE FIRE HERE.

Amanda Testa is a trusted healer, coach, and guide who’s served hundreds of clients over the years with masterful skills in coaching, pleasure embodiment, and somatic trauma resolution.

After thousands of hours of training in trauma informed sex and relationship coaching, tantric sex coaching, energy healing, somatic trauma resolution, breathwork, yoni egg coaching and more, she’s seen time and time again the magic and wisdom of our bodies.

We all have the ability to return to our blueprint of health, aliveness, pleasure and sovereignty, and you can too.

With her powerful, loving and gentle support her clients find their desire and pleasure again, find safety and bliss in their bodies, and remember they are enough just as they are.

Find out more about her new monthly Pleasure Membership HERE.  

.

Want more support? Schedule a confidential 1-1 call with Amanda here.

Have a topic or question you'd like Amanda to address on a future episode? Submit it on this anonymous form.

If you liked this episode, please consider giving me a 5 Star Review on Apple Podcasts! It truly does help the podcast grow. 

EPISODE 247: Pleasure 101 - Finding What Feels Good


Amanda Testa: Welcome to the Find Your Feminine Fire podcast. I’m your host, Amanda Testa, and this is a small diversion from our usual thing. I am dropping in with my third of six minisodes on stories about fun and desire and why pleasure is so foundational. So, at the end of this podcast as well, I’m gonna invite you into a really, really fun experience. So, here we go!

Today, I am diving into Pleasure 101. What does it really take? What is the process? Why is it gonna be so hard for us to feel pleasure, and what can we do about it? I just finished up a client session, and one of the things I love so much about doing this work is when clients say to me that they are feeling peace, that they feel pleasure, that they feel light, that they feel more present, that they feel more grounded, that they feel so much more able to move forward in their day with all the craziness that we have to endure in this day and age. There are a few things that can come into play, right?

1:00

I even know for myself; I remember when my daughter was born. She was about, I don't know, a little over a year old, and I was so depleted, so exhausted. I remember tripping over this toy that she loved. It was this loud train thing, a plastic train that made all this noise when she pushed it around, and that thing, [Laughs] I tripped over it, and I was so irritated. I was like, “Agh,” kicking it out of the way, “I’m the only one that ever does anything around here!” You know, just feeling one of those moments, and I remember I looked into the mirror, and I was like, “Who am I?” I didn’t even recognize myself. I could not believe that I felt so disconnected and unhappy because I really wasn't diagnosed with postpartum depression, but I had a lot of feels, right? The hormones just rage, and anyone who is a parent can attest. It’s not easy. Any birthing person could know it is not easy.

And so, I remember just looking in the mirror and making a promise to myself that I would just do whatever it took to find myself again because I was doing all the things I thought were right!

2:06

I was eating well. I was exercising. I taught a workout class for moms, for goodness sake. I was very connected with my family and my husband and my daughter. Obviously, we had this sleeplessness and all of that to deal with but, overall, I thought things were going pretty good, so I couldn't understand why I had just this disconnection to myself. And so, I just made a commitment to do all of the breadcrumbs. I was gonna follow all the breadcrumbs to find myself again.

One of the things that happened across my path was a course with one of my mentors, Layla Martin, and I was like, “Well, this surely couldn't hurt.” It was involved. Part of the process was working with the jade egg and kind of working to get your sexuality back. After having a kid I was like, “Well, that could certainly help!” I remember when I signed up I was so mortified. I was like, “Oh, god. Please don't let anyone know I’m doing this. I am mortified,” A) that I feel like there’s something wrong with me, and B) that I have to take to class to learn about something that I should probably already know about.

3:06

And the third thing, you know, I was just embarrassed that people would think that I was weird or something, right? These are all the thoughts we think when we go to do this work around sexuality.

It’s not easily approachable, and I just want to name that because so many people that I talk to are interested, and they have so much shame, and they are disconnected in their relationships, and they're living a life where they're not getting what they need in this area, but they are afraid to talk about it. They don't feel comfortable reaching out, and I was that person, too. But I was like, “You know what? I’m just gonna be brave, and I’m gonna do this,” and, obviously, it changed my life so much to the point that I was like I need to teach other people about this! I need to scream it from the mountaintops.

So, I got certified, and I’ve been studying this for a decade now because I am so passionate. I see how important pleasure is for people, how important this connection to ourselves is. In the previous two episodes, you’ll hear me talk a little bit more about why it can feel impossible and what things can do to bring you back to yourself.

4:06

But so many of us are kind of taught to martyr ourselves, so of course we don't feel comfortable with pleasure. But I want to just share kind of a few different components that I think are important to address when you are looking to find more pleasure, okay? There are a lot of things, but I want to break it down because I feel like the easier you can dip your toe in the water, the better.

So, the first thing is just strictly physically, right? So many of us have not learned our own anatomy. We don't even know what our body parts are, and, again, I was just listening to a show on Netflix talking about people don't really know the names of their anatomy. They don't know the difference between a vulva and the vaginal canal and the clitoris, how it’s actually more like a wishbone and really large, and it’s not just the tip.

5:02

So, there’s so much there around the anatomy that you can learn to find out more about your own body and what brings you pleasure and how you want to relate to your genitals and what makes you feel comfortable there. Again, these are not easy things to do.

So, you always want to drop in at a level that feels doable. Maybe it’s picking up a book. Maybe it’s getting out a mirror. Maybe you're like, “Hell no, I’m not doing that for a while,” and that’s okay, right? But there are steps that you can take to kind of understand your own anatomy and be more comfortable with your body, right? There are tools that you can learn to kind of move through the emotions that feel hard, move through the shame, move through the residual layers that are standing in the way of you being able to enjoy your pleasure without shame, without guilt. Making time for sensual selfcare on a regular basis, and I talk about this a lot because I feel like these little microdoses of pleasure are so important where maybe five minutes you just breathe and just feel how warm the fireplace is on your skin or maybe you are really intentional about eating your lunch, right? These are ways you can do that. So, the physical is one component.

6:17

Then there’s also the energetic component of kind of understanding that our lifeforce energy, our aliveness, and our sexual energy are all connected, and you can actually cultivate this energy and allow it to expand, to move, to nourish you, and I think that’s one of the things that I was blown away by when I first started doing this work was I had zero clue that was even a thing. Now, when I learned it and I started practicing it, I was like, “Holy shit! This is insane.” You know, I used to need, like, three cups of coffee to get through my day, and I was like, “This practice makes me feel so alive! I have energy all day!” Granted, I was, at the time, sleepless with a baby who never slept until they were three years old. So, let me just tell you, [Laughs] that was not the easiest time, so I was definitely needing this energy, and I was like, “Man, this is like mother’s little helper with a healthy version of this.” So, you can learn to cultivate that energetic component.

7:12

Then, also, one of the things that I truly believe that makes our connection to our pleasure and our sexuality so important is that there’s also, I believe, a spiritual component, right? We are able to connect to and have this awareness of our divine nature simply by just being alive. We can unleash that power of simply being alive to help us to feel more confident and comfortable in our bodies, to be more accepting and kind to ourselves and our bodies, to feel a deeper sense of belonging and connection. There are ways to activate each of these things because we can systematically retrain our nervous system to release any blockages and limiting beliefs and become more pleasure positive.

8:04

I really do believe and I feel like it’s so important that every single body deserves pleasure. All bodies deserve pleasure, right? No matter what the size, all bodies deserve pleasure. Bodies that are trans, bodies that are non-binary, bodies that are gender-expansive, bodies that are Black or Indigenous or Latinx or of color deserve pleasure. All bodies deserve pleasure, and we need to learn to embrace our own bodies. Believe you me, I know it is not easy. It’s a journey. But there are steps you can take to get there, and I have made those steps, and I know how hard it can be because I struggled with eating disorders for about 15 years of my life. I hated my body for the majority of my life until I was probably in my 30s, and this work was so impactful there because I realized when we have more ability to love and embrace ourselves, we have more ability to love and embrace a collective, right? We see that we are part of something that’s really amazing, and we can see that connection more often.

9:10

And so, I do love that in the work that we’re doing, there’s so much to it, right? There’s so much to it, and I’m not the first person to say this, you know. I’m just standing on the shoulders of giants that have been preaching this for a long time, but I do just want to remind everyone that this isn't a trivial thing. This isn't a trivial thing. It’s painful when you aren't able to access pleasure. It’s not easy when you aren’t able to get the connection that you want from your partner or from yourself. And so, the good news is there’s something to do about it, and the good news is it can be really doable and easy.

I’m super excited because I am launching a pleasure membership. It is called The Pleasure Foundation. Again, I believe pleasure is foundational, and this is super exciting because this is gonna be a place where we can come together to celebrate what feels good, to actually be in practice together around connecting to what feels good. And we’ll do this through practices like breathwork and like pleasure practices.

10:13

Again, the beautiful thing about this work is I make it accessible at any level, no matter where you are. If you’ve never done anything like this or if you just want to deepen your current practice, this is the space for you, and that’s one of the things my clients always tell me is, “I just love the way you meet me where I am. No matter what, you can meet me where I am.” I’ve been doing this work for, like I said, a decade, and I’ve been professionally teaching and facilitating and coaching since 2015, and I value holding these collective spaces because there is a really beautiful remembrance when people come together to celebrate pleasure and to celebrate sensuality because it’s something that we aren't able to do in very many places, right? [Laughs]

11:03

Our culture is not very supportive of women's pleasure, hello! So, this is something that we can reclaim, and it’s super fun, and it can be really fun and accessible, and that’s what I really want to make it. I want to make it feel easy. I want to make it feel doable. I want to let you know that it doesn't have to be scary, and, yes, maybe there’s a part of you that’s nervous or feels afraid, but that’s why there are tiers, and whenever I’m teaching or whenever I’m leading someone, I always give options, right? There are options. You come in, and I’m gonna let you know the way to do this that feels aligned to your own personal sovereignty because that, my friend, is number one more than anything else. No matter what my invitation is, it’s you listening to yourself and learning to listen to your body and learning to hear what it says, what it wants, what it needs, right?

So, I’m super excited to invite you! I cannot wait. Oh, my gosh. This is my favorite thing in the world to do. It lights me up like nothing else, and we are gonna start on January 31st. I’m offering a special offer for everyone who signs up now. You're gonna get it at a super huge discount.

12:09

So, you can find the sales page and find out more information at www.amandatesta.com/tpf (like The Pleasure Foundation). I hope to see you there! If you have questions, feel free to DM me. You can connect with me on Instagram @abtesta, and I can answer any and all questions or if you want to schedule a call, if you have some questions and you want to learn more, reach out. I’m excited to see you there! It’s gonna be super fun.

Thank you so much for listening, wherever you are in the world. Sending you so much love, and we will see you soon!

JOIN IN THE DISCUSSION ON THIS EPISODE AND MORE IN MY FREE FACEBOOK GROUP, FIND YOUR FEMININE FIRE HERE.

Amanda Testa is a trusted healer, coach, and guide who’s served hundreds of clients over the years with masterful skills in coaching, pleasure embodiment, and somatic trauma resolution.

After thousands of hours of training in trauma informed sex and relationship coaching, tantric sex coaching, energy healing, somatic trauma resolution, breathwork, yoni egg coaching and more, she’s seen time and time again the magic and wisdom of our bodies.

We all have the ability to return to our blueprint of health, aliveness, pleasure and sovereignty, and you can too.

With her powerful, loving and gentle support her clients find their desire and pleasure again, find safety and bliss in their bodies, and remember they are enough just as they are.

Find out more about her new monthly Pleasure Membership HERE.  

.

Want more support? Schedule a confidential 1-1 call with Amanda here.

Have a topic or question you'd like Amanda to address on a future episode? Submit it on this anonymous form.

If you liked this episode, please consider giving me a 5 Star Review on Apple Podcasts! It truly does help the podcast grow. 

EPISODE 246: When Pleasure Feels Impossible


Amanda Testa: Welcome to the Find Your Feminine Fire podcast. I am your host, Amanda Testa, and I’m doing a little small diversion from our usual thing because I’m dropping in with six solo podcast minisodes on stories about fun and desire and how that makes such a big difference in our overall ability to connect to our desire, whether that’s in our sexuality or just in general. If you didn't catch last week’s, you’ve got to check in. You can check that out. It’s about how an 80s party helped me reconnect to my aliveness a few weeks ago, and I wanted to kind of talk a little bit more today around why it feels so challenging to feel connected to pleasure and why it’s so important, right?

I truly believe that pleasure should be a priority and not an afterthought. It’s foundational, and when we can connect to what we want, our desires are our compass, right? When we can connect to what is good in our life it becomes easier in the future to connect to those things, just like if you have a daily gratitude practice, anything like that, it’s gonna help your brain kind of focus on what is good versus what’s not.

1:03

Granted, this is not a bypassing, but this is just an opportunity to kind of be holding what is good because that can often feel really hard for people, you know? When we are experiencing something that’s painful or joyful, whatever it is, both pain and pleasure are first received in the amygdala, the part of the brain that’s dedicated to emotional extremes, survival, and pleasure and pain originate in the nucleus accumbens that’s just below the level of thought.

So, there are values that are placed upon sensation mingled with emotion and thought. So, when we have a sensation, it can trigger an emotional response which can trigger what we feel, whether we feel pleasure, pain, what the sensation is, how we register that sensation in our brain. The good news is that our brains are able to be rewired, right? We have that neuroplasticity, and we can rewire our brains to feel more pleasure, right? So, the more we engage in pleasurable experiences, the easier it is for our nervous system to default to regulation. What I see so often is that we love to over-schedule ourself.

2:00

I was talking to a friend the other day, and she was, meanwhile, driving home from dropping a kid off at some event and just talking about how she never has any time. She is constantly driving around for work. She is constantly doing things for her kids. She is constantly helping out at the kids’ school. She is constantly helping out her friends, helping out her family, helping out her in-laws, all the things. Who can relate? Now, having that kind of experience where you are constantly doing all the things, I mean, I know it can even happen to the best of a pleasure-seeker. We have cycles in our lives where that can be the case, right, where we totally just have no time, and it can feel really challenging because our culture is really not wired or set up for us to have leisure. It is not set up for pleasure. It is not set up for that kind of nourishing selfcare and, god, what an amazing world it would be if it were. But our systems are not set up for that.

3:02

What this can look like when I see people that are kind of struggling in this area where it feels like they are always busy and they can't slow down, and, alternatively, if they finally do get a chance to slow down, they get sick or they can't relax because there’s that constant niggling in the back of their mind that’s like, “Oh, man, I should be sending this email,” or, “I shouldn't be sitting here playing Legos with my kid. I really need to fold the laundry,” and, “I shouldn't really be sneaking out to have a date with my husband because I’ve got this call with my boss tomorrow and I need to prepare,” or feeling really anxious when there’s open space in the calendar. That can feel really challenging, feeling like you need to fill all the time in the day. And this can also show up when you, perhaps, always think you have to be doing.

I think when you do have free time it can feel really hard because there’s that side of you that wants to be productive, that wants to be quote-unquote “good,” that wants to quote-unquote “do what’s right,” and when it comes to enjoying things like sneaking off for a little nooner with your partner, that can feel challenging to our brain.

4:14

It’s like, “Oh, man. That’s bad. There’s shame wrapped up in there from when I was a kid and my Sunday school teacher in eighth grade told me that if I held hands with a boy I was gonna go to hell or that time I was having dinner with my family, and they sat us all down because my sister, they found out she was having sex, and we all had to get the lecture on why sex is bad and we can't do it because our lives will be ruined and we’d all go to hell and all the things.” We don't think about it but these beliefs that we’ve picked up in our lifetime subconsciously show up as an adult, and this is why pleasure feels impossible for busy women.

Again, it’s not your fault, right? It’s our culture. The culture is the villain. The culture is the villain, and this is why it becomes an afterthought. This is why it doesn't feel like something that we are able to enjoy, the urgency culture that we live in, and it’s not just you.

5:06

So many of my clients struggle with this. I struggle with this. But we do have a choice on how to reframe our relationship with pleasure and to claim some space for what feels good, to practice sitting in those spaces and, even better, to do it with a community who has a similar idea, right? Because often we know we need to do the thing, but we don't even know what the thing is!

So, I’m super excited to announce that I have launched a pleasure program. This has been years in the making, and I am so thrilled to finally be able to offer this to you! I have been in this industry for almost a decade, and I have learned so many amazing tools and techniques and all the things, but what I want to do is to distill down kind of the most important basics, that you can show up regularly and be able to enjoy a practice just for you, a practice just to connect to your sensuality, just to connect to your pleasure, kind of like going to the gym, right? Going to the gym to learn how to lift weights, you're going to The Pleasure Foundation to learn how to relish pleasure, how to enjoy more of your sensuality, how to be in your body, how to have fun, and it’s gonna be super accessible because (this I mentioned before) over-scheduling, it’s a real thing.

6:17

And so, what I often see with that, too, is we make these huge, grandiose plans for ourselves, and we want to do all the things, and, at the end of the day, we don't get those things done, and we beat ourselves up and go in that downward spiral. So, the key here is doability, right? Making it reasonable, making it doable. To me, those kinds of steps forward are the most successful. So, it’s going to be very accessible. It’s going to be very doable. Just two practices a month. We can all do that, and it’s gonna be so much fun.

So, I hope that you can join us. If you have questions about it, feel free to shoot me a DM! You can DM me on Instagram @abtesta. You can go to the website and check out more if you're interested. It’s www.amandatesta.com/tpf (as in The Pleasure Foundation), and I hope to see you there!

7:07

Stay tuned because I’ve got a lot more juicy little minisodes coming, so you will have four more to come! So, stay tuned, sending you lots of love, and we will see you soon!

JOIN IN THE DISCUSSION ON THIS EPISODE AND MORE IN MY FREE FACEBOOK GROUP, FIND YOUR FEMININE FIRE HERE.

Amanda Testa is a trusted healer, coach, and guide who’s served hundreds of clients over the years with masterful skills in coaching, pleasure embodiment, and somatic trauma resolution.

After thousands of hours of training in trauma informed sex and relationship coaching, tantric sex coaching, energy healing, somatic trauma resolution, breathwork, yoni egg coaching and more, she’s seen time and time again the magic and wisdom of our bodies.

We all have the ability to return to our blueprint of health, aliveness, pleasure and sovereignty, and you can too.

With her powerful, loving and gentle support her clients find their desire and pleasure again, find safety and bliss in their bodies, and remember they are enough just as they are.

Find out more about her new monthly Pleasure Membership HERE.  

.

Want more support? Schedule a confidential 1-1 call with Amanda here.

Have a topic or question you'd like Amanda to address on a future episode? Submit it on this anonymous form.

If you liked this episode, please consider giving me a 5 Star Review on Apple Podcasts! It truly does help the podcast grow. 

EPISODE 245: 80s Parties and Reviving Your Desire - The Power in Simple Doses of Fun


Amanda Testa: Hello, and welcome to the Find Your Feminine Fire podcast. I am your host, Amanda Testa, and I want to ask you when the last time was that you had so much fun that you just kind of lost track of time. You had so much fun. You laughed. You felt like yourself. For me, this actually happened a couple of weekends ago.

One of my best friends had her birthday, and she decided for her birthday she wanted to have an 80s sleepover, and let me tell you, she does not leave any detail out. So, we got our 80s gear, and we met up at the Airbnb (she rented an Airbnb), and it had an amazing basement. So, just picture this: you walk in this beautiful Airbnb, you go downstairs and there’s a huge basement with a ping-pong table and a hangout area, and she had the karaoke machine setup and all the 80s posters on the walls, and it had a downstairs bar.

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Literally, in the 80s, you're in your friend’s basement because their parents let you hang out down there, and she even got on Etsy and got a couple of 80s games like Girl Talk and some kind of Mall Madness game, and we laughed our assess off, oh, my god.

So, first thing’s first, of course, is getting ready together! Remember back in the day when you would all go to somebody’s house and get ready together and put your makeup on and listen to the music and, of course, the epic 80s soundtrack was in the background the entire night, and we had so much fun getting on our 80s clothes, and I have this great T-shirt that I got in the 80s actually, and I will never forget this because every summer we would go to the mountains, and it was this little town called Fontana in North Carolina, and we would go into Cherokee to go shop around and look, and we would always go to these little stores where they have fun T-shirts and everything that we love.

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Anyways, so I remember there was someone there doing airbrushing, and I was dying for an airbrushed T-shirt, and my mom was like, “Hell no, I’m not buying you one of those tacky things.” Let me just preface that I grew up in very conservative Southern Georgia. But I wanted this Airbrushed T-shirt so much, and I remember it was probably kind of expensive. It was, like, 40 bucks which was a lot of money back then. I just really wanted it so badly, and I was all sad, and my grandmother, Gran Gran (my dad’s mom), she was like, “I’ll get you that T-shirt, and it was the best. So, picture this: it’s an airbrushed Amanda, pinks and teals, and then the airbrushed image is a panda, and it says “Amanda” underneath it, and it’s one of those T-shirts that’s got the frayed edges.

The edges were frayed, but I needed it to be a little more bedazzled, so to speak. So I got beads, and I put teal and pink beads on the shreds of material. So now, not only is this a T-shirt of fabulousness with airbrushed Amanda Panda, as well as beads so when I moved it would swish together and click and clack, and I was probably ten or eleven years old, and I thought I was the cat’s meow, let me tell you.

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So, because I loved that T-shirt so much, it has remained in the costume bin. So, for the 80s party, I whipped out my Amanda Panda T-shirt, which, by the way, now is a crop top. [Laughs] It barely holds my boobs in, but I have the Amanda Panda crop top on and some sparkly hot pink hot pants and leg warmers and all the things. My hair was super hair-sprayed up. It was so much fun.

We laughed, we told stories, we danced our assess off, we did karaoke, and let me tell you, I have not had that much fun in so long. It was so needed. Oh, my god. My soul just felt like it came back online a little bit, and I don't know about you out there, but if you have been through a challenging time (or even just in general, these past few years have been rough), I find, for me, it was just like having that moment to just drop in and be with my friends to laugh. That brings me back to who I am inside, right?

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I’m wondering if you can relate to that. Maybe you and your friends have something that you do or times that you've gotten together and just laughed your assess off. Maybe you want more of that, and I can tell you right now that, for me, it just reinspired my joy of having fun, my joy of having fun. Growing up, my dad always told me that I was a balloon looking for a party, and it’s true, right? I love a good time, and I will not shy away from going to find where that fun is, and I think throughout my life it’s easy to get disconnected from that because we can so easily think -- or at least for me, I was very much taught work hard, play hard, right? When you work, you're working, you put your head down, you're grinding, you're moving, you're doing, you're just getting things done. Then, once you're done with the un-fun stuff, then you get to do the fun stuff, right? So, it’s either/or, and I love to invite weaving in. What if you could weave in more business and pleasure together?

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What if you could weave in more fun to whatever you’re doing to make it more enjoyable, right? And so, this, my friends, is why I am so committed to inviting fun people to do fun things, and I am super excited because I am launching my pleasure membership! This thing has been years in the making. I’ve been wanting to do this for so long because what is one of my favorite things to do? Fun people doing fun things and doing practices where we can engage in something fun together is so key.

And so, what The Pleasure Foundation is is a membership where you will get to join me virtually, twice a month, for a fun pleasurable activity. Maybe it’s breathwork. Maybe it’s a pleasure practice. Maybe it’s a dance party. Whatever it is, it’s gonna be lit, it’s gonna be fun, it’s gonna invite the most fun part of you to come online, to invite who you really are to come online. So, I hope you will join me.

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The Pleasure Foundation is starting this month! So, you can find more at amandatesta.com/tpf (like The Pleasure Foundation). Better yet, invite your friends to join, too, because, obviously, when we’re having a good time, it’s more fun when we do it with our friends, right? [Laughs] Like the 80s sleepover? It would have been fun by myself, but it was way better to have six girlfriends there, laughing our assess off, having the best time in the photo booth. You’ll have to check out my Instagram. I put up some good pictures of my 80s attire. You can actually see the Amanda Panda shirt in action if you go to my Instagram @abtesta.

So, check it out, and thank you again for listening, and I hope you will join me in The Pleasure Foundation. We will see you next week!