Reclaiming YouR Beauty
In this world where “beauty" is an instrument of capitalism, a means of control, one of the most powerful “trances” we are trapped in, and a standard set by “masculine” values and attitudes, in this episode I'm diving into what it means to reclaim your beauty, and find appreciation in the Feminine Genius at your fingertips.
Listen in to this episode as I go deep with LiYana Silver, author of Feminine Genius,The Provocative Path to Waking Up and Turning On the Wisdom of Being a Woman.
(complete audio transcript below)
In this episode you'll discover
This week I have the pleasure of welcoming LiYana Silver back to the show. Liyana helps women transform self-criticism through a unique process (that finds where the self-criticism got installed in the first place), LiYana helps women stop self-doubt and second-guessing so that they feel comfortable in their skin, know their worth, are clear about their contribution to the world, feel at home in their lives, and naturally trust themselves (even with life and work’s hardest choices).
Get the audiobook of Feminine Genius HERE. (and get a free month of Masterclasses to go deeper with Feminine Genius.
Join in the discussion on this episode and more in my free Facebook Group, Find Your Feminine Fire HERE.
Hello, and welcome to the Find Your Feminine Fire podcast. I am your host, Amanda Testa. I am a Sex Love and Relationship coach, and in this podcast, my guests and I talk sex love and relationships and everything that lights you up from the inside out. Welcome. Hello everyone. And welcome to the Find Your Feminine Fire podcast. I'm your host, Amanda Testa. And today I'm thrilled to welcome back to the show. Liyana Silver. She is the amazing author of Feminine Genius, as well as just a leader in helping women to own the magnificence of who they are, and really empower themselves to use all that. We have the good, the bad, the dark, the light, and to really emerge the best we can in the world. And I think right now, too, I know there's just a lot, a lot happening, so I'm very looking forward to where we are. We're going to dive in today. Welcome so much. Thank you so much for being here.
I was so excited to be here and be back with you. And I'd love to know too, you know, just in general, how, how things are with you, just in the depth of the world, all the things that's happening, how are you doing?
Well? I will say that things got, I'm amazed when people post that they're bored. Like you don't have a, I, first of all, I don't think you have a child. The second of all, maybe you have a trust fund. I don't know. I will say that I have doubled down or just yeah, on meditative practices and that it just occurred to me how much of other people's trauma, my own resurfacing, just intensity, chaos, you know, what, what, we're, what we're dealing with on a magnified level, right.
LiYana Silver (01:51):
I'm not going to be able to actually deal with that and function unless I have even more skills. So I've been skilled scaling up, scaling up, doing okay, I'm doing okay, I've got a better kiddo and sower, you know, looking at what does that mean with school? I've always worked from home, so that's my commute has always been when it's been, I, you know, I have financial somewhat insecurity, but not to the degree that I feel like many have. And we're at the beginning, we're at the beginning of this economic ripple. So I'm acutely aware of our interconnectivity and, and those who don't have it, the, the luck that I might. Yeah. So I'm doing okay.
Amanda Testa (02:41):
Thank you for sharing that. I just think that, yeah, I can relate in many ways and I think, you know, also navigating Parenthood and all of this and how, just the effects that it's going to have of, you know, people not being able to work like they normally do. And also the weight that falls a lot Of the time on the women to take care of the parenting and manage everything else as well.
LiYana Silver (03:11):
Well, no, I just wanted to invoke, you know, the social isolation or women who are trapped in relationships that are not good places to be. Yeah. Just the specific hardships that do fall on us as women.
Amanda Testa (03:26):
What I also am excited to talk about because I feel like, you know, through all that, it's so important to just allow ourselves to go through what we need to go through, but also keeping in mind as well of, you know, the possibility that there is. And, you know, it's funny because oftentimes we can feel like, well, I don't know what the right thing to do right now is, and I feel like I'm being pulled in so many directions and I want to do all these things and try to be better human and activist and all the things that we might be wanting to do. And also having the restraints of like, but I can't really go anywhere or do anything like I want. So I think you mentioned, you know, reconnecting to a practice that serves you like your meditation practice. And I think as women it's so key because it can connect us back to these like ancient parts of us. I'd love if you may would share a little bit about that, if you wouldn't mind. Yeah.
LiYana Silver (04:19):
Yes. I feel that meditation, we can talk about some of the different formats that can work. I feel, I feel socialist, democratic. I feel like very open palmed about what kind of meditation, you know, there's lots that can work. I think that what meditation does is it reminds us that we have a choice about what we focus on. So often we're focusing on something other than our thoughts. And then that alerts our system. We don't always have to get caught in the loops of anxiety or worry or productivity. We have a say in where our focus is and that's that's, I think one of the only things we can control. And the other thing it tells us is, Oh, we have a say over the quality of my focus, am I focusing in a judgemental way, in a harsh way? Am I focusing in a way that invites gratitude or presence?
LiYana Silver (05:16):
And then the last thing I think is that this is slightly slightly ineffable, but I'll try is that inevitably in the process of some kind of meditation, whether it's stillness or whether it's movement based is that we connect with reconnect with, or we abide in something that is, I just feel like it, you know, it is, we could call it Feminine Genius. We could call it the divine. There is it just, it's also very, every day, it is this deep well of presence and grounded-ness and even joy. And it absolutely fortifies us from, from the inside out. And that I think is one of the, you know, that's also one of the benefits is that, Oh, part of us can be resting and we've got a hand or a foot or two feet in this world, this realm of nourishment, excuse me. And so I just feel like how in the world can we do modern life without, without also being connected to that?
Amanda Testa (06:28):
I so agree. And like that nourishment piece you spoke to, I feel like it's something that until I started doing more work to tap into my own and Divine Feminine within, and just my own body and understanding the, the depth of presence and peace I can find there, it makes it incredible because I know like, no matter what what's happening, I, if I really take the time, even if it's just five minutes, the more you do it, the easier it gets to drop in. It's just like to find that place presence and just peace. And when you can find that within yourself, it's incredible because, no matter what's going on around you, you can still connect that in some way.
LiYana Silver (07:08):
And you said something important, I think is just even five minutes. And I really get if someone needs the time they need, but I also am a huge fan of things that can be done in five minutes, in three minutes in 10 minutes, because we're all handling a lot. And there are a lot of time demands, but yeah, I'm, I'm all for potency in small doses,
Amanda Testa (07:34):
The simple, quick things. And you know, it's interesting too, because one of the things I wanted to dive in more and you spoke to it a second ago around the judgmental, when you're reflecting, is it like a judgmental voice you're hearing? What is the, you know, what is behind that? And I think for so many women that I talked to, there's that judgment, that voice that's just like nonstop beating you up or whatever you're doing. It's not good enough. I mean, so I'd love to speak a little bit more to that. If you don't mind.
LiYana Silver (08:03):
If I had to say what the heart is of work that I do, I would say it is this, it is understanding where did that? Self-Criticism self doubt, self-loathing self abuse. Where did those voices get installed? Whose voices are we importing? Are we imitating? And how can we update that in your system so that you are talking to yourself and looking at yourself and inviting other people to regard you and interact with you from a way that is more in line with the truth of who you actually are. So you've may have heard, I've heard this is I'm borrowing from psychology that says our internal voices are the voices we heard either out loud, explicitly, or we just felt and intuited from our family, from our parents, for our caregivers, from our early childhood environment. They're not ours. And then I wonder what's ours, what is your own authentic voice? How would you talk to yourself? How would you look at yourself if it wasn't covered over with layers of someone else's stuff that was passed down from their parents and their parents and their parents and their parents.
Amanda Testa (09:22):
Yeah, exactly. And then, you know, I think too, oftentimes we aren't even aware of some of these things because it is so subconscious and it is passed down from generation to generation. And I think so just to find that authentic voice or that authentic expression, that feels true to you and that where you can just, you know, embrace all of who you are and know that you don't have to do anything you're good enough as you are here. Perfect. As you are, which as you said, you know, I think is a construct that's been put on us, like the, the patriarchal effect of having the culture that we have for thousands of years that has really repressed our expression or make it make it So you have to feel, you have to look a certain way.
LiYana Silver (10:07):
Yes. Now when a woman, a girl, or a woman, anyone, anyone, this a patriarchy affects all genders, humans, and just specific ways girls and women, when you realize even you don't realize in your mind, when you realize some part of your, your being that your value, your right to be in life and take up space is dependent on your physical appearance and your sexual availability to usually to men. It is a lot narrow bandwidth by which your value in your place in life is dependent. Even though we realize I can get married or not married, we'd be like we understand on a cognizant level, but there's a part of us that knows we are our value. Our right to be here is if we look good or the right kind of sexy, there is a tremendous amount of energy of money of time of resources that go towards that.
LiYana Silver (11:18):
Even if you're a feminist, even if you are woke, even if you know better and you understand, and are, you know, fighting to find some liberation within patriarchy, we, we, you know, we're, we're working this out inside the cage, and this is heartbreaking to me, if it must have been my own story, but it's just every woman's story like that is so much time wasted and energy wasted, wasted on this like Naval gazing, right? And then this way that we actually control ourselves, well, patriarchy doesn't even after control, we control ourselves, we police ourselves. Do I look fat in this? Do I look right? Do I need to go change my hair, change my wardrobe, change my blah, blah, blah. We, you know, this, this war war with ourselves becomes a way that we do the patriarchy's bidding. And so many, just so there is, there is something that is uniquely yours to contribute to the world. And I feel like that narrows the bandwidth so much that that can get through if we're just so, so concerned with, with physical appearance and sexual availability. And I don't mean to downplay it because it is in our cells. It is in our DNA. It has to do with survival. It doesn't have, it's not a medical, like, doesn't matter how much you get the concept of feminism. This is something we're working out of our bodies. And when we're working out of our bones,
Amanda Testa (12:50):
I mean, if you think about it, cause it was really only what the seventies that women could have their own credit cards, their own bank accounts in the sixties, even. I mean, and it's just crazy to think, like that's not that long ago. It's no wonder that there's parts of us that are still like, well, to be safe to survive. I have to look this way. And like you said, it's in our systems. We have to kind of unravel it from the inside out. Yeah,
LiYana Silver (13:15):
Yeah, yeah. And it really helps I think, to connect with other women who are talking about it, you know, we'll bit by bit, we're working on it, but it's immense, it's immense.
Amanda Testa (13:26):
And now, you know, just to speak to a little bit more, cause I know before we started recording, talking about the commoditization of beauty and like what that means to you and like what you think like as a big picture, what else you see around that? I know we just spoke to a good amount of that, but what else? Yeah, let's talk more about that.
LiYana Silver (13:43):
I have a wish that we could have a different experience of the word Beauty. So the word beauty, or if there's a beauty industry, there are beauty magazines, right? So we understand beauty is like this thing that women have to do and pay for it. And I would love there to be a redefinition of beauty, ugly things can be beautiful. So there is somehow like we have a deep muscle muscular recognition of beauty when something is so fully itself and there's just an "isness" to something. And I wish that we could reclaim the ability to feel ourselves rather than have a, rather than paying attention to how we are perceived that actually we haven't experienced from the inside out rather than the outside, in that we would say, how does it feel to be in my skin? How does it literally, can I pay attention to my experience? So I feel what I feel and that feels beautiful to me. And that as we were talking before, that could then what I put on my body, if I choose sparkles or, you know, goth eyeliner, or I cut my hair shorter and longer stick flowers in my hair, or I, or I don't, or I go bare chested or whatever the options are that that is a confirmation. It is, it's a way that I can say, this is how I'm feeling today. This is the energy that I am making manifest by my adornment, rather than I'm going to cover up a flaw or I'm going to follow the latest trend or this is what I'm supposed to wear or be, or how to be perceived. And I just, I mean, we all know what it's like to be with someone who just is who they are. It is so beautiful. It's beautiful. So that's what I wish. That's what I wish for us all.
Amanda Testa (15:39):
I love that. And I do know what you mean that feeling. And I think it's interesting because I know I've probably spoken to this before, but I do feel like there's such so much money we spend on trying to look beautiful or be a certain way. And yes, I feel like if it's conscious and you're doing it because you are just enjoying playing with all the different, different ways you want to express yourself, like I am not no judgment here at all. I think that's all beautiful. I think it's just also being aware like, wow, this is how much money a month I'm spending on trying to look a certain way. And wow, what if women invested a quarter of that, you know, every month versus just feeling like we have to spend. And I feel like it's a way of oppression because of that. You know, women are encouraged to spend money on looking beautiful versus investing or being smart and doing other things with the money. And that to me makes me crazy, but I know I love beauty products. I color my hair. Like I am all about it too, but I realize sometimes it's like, wow, getting my hair done is quite expensive. Like what if I invested that every six months for my whole lifetime, that would make a huge difference in my financial stability, right?
LiYana Silver (16:51):
So that's not gloss over that. That's such an important point Friend, Amanda Steinberg,
Amanda Testa (16:53):
Who wrote to the creator of daily worth, wrote a book called worth worth it. And
LiYana Silver (16:59):
Women have some fraction of the net
Amanda Testa (17:03):
Worth or the like the saved money as we go on in life compared to men, we will die poor, significantly poor, and yet live longer. This is, this is serious. This is serious. I really appreciate what you're saying. So yeah, I'm with ya. I mean, all I know is I, you know, I also was raised in the South in a very conservative environment and very much so, like I just remember my mom always being on a diet and always complaining about how she looked. And that was just like the constant and I, you know, suffered from that a lot and had eating disorders years of struggle before I finally was like, you know what, I'm just who I am and I can embrace it. And I know it was a long journey, so it's not something that's easy. I'm just going to say that right now. It's definitely not easy. But I think just looking back now, how interesting, and like me noticing that too, because even I have an eight year old daughter and she like just got her ears pierced and all this and that. And you know, she's all excited about expressing herself and trying to figure out how do I, how do I teach her in a way maybe what I would have liked to have learned about it? And that's a good question. I still make mistakes for them.
LiYana Silver (18:15):
And I feel like we do need to be a little bit gentle with ourselves that we probably aren't even aware of all of the influences that if we walk out of our doors, which is an option for some, not for all at the moment, I realized that just metaphorically we look around the world are the ways that information and media interact with us.
LiYana Silver (18:34):
Even your daughter's eight. My, my son is eight. So, you know, it was, this is the world that we live in. It is more than just your messaging. So we just gotta be a little gentle. And at the same time, I, so I don't want to skip ahead to anything. So I'm working on my second book. And so I've been talking, I've been gathering a ton of stories of people going through really hard times and in a variably, like really, really hard stuff. Like we all go through and invariably, we always get to this point of like, what, let you do that? What let you be hospitalized, you know, in the psych ward and yet figure a way to get out. And invariably, there's this little spark that people just feel like that was never lost. That spark that knew I was okay as I am, or that just knew there was a different way or just felt what I felt or knew what I knew or needed to say what I have to say.
LiYana Silver (19:37):
And I have faith in that that is in there and that, you know, you, you're so conscious of nurturing that. So I believe in that innateness of that spark in each of us, it doesn't go anywhere. It's really hard to sniff it out really, really, really hard. And you know, you're just doing so much to blow on that so that it is hers, so that it is hers.
Amanda Testa (20:04):
Yes. I love that visual. And I think that cause that little spark is so it's always the thing, like you mentioned, you know, I can even think of like the lowest times in my life, but there was this little teeny piece of me that was like, get up.
LiYana Silver (20:18):
Yes, yes. And I think, you know, there's, there's also, I don't know if I'm changing subjects a teeny bit, but so I, you know, be like, Oh wow, there's more, there's a lot more wrinkles than there used to be. Or, Oh, that's a new little curvy part. I, you know, it's been really fascinating to look at them and go like, do I really think that's a problem? And then I'll look at them and I'll be like, wow, there's this cool thing that happens when you have wrinkles, because then the light shines on them in this way that they almost sparkle. Or so then I have this thing right. With like, where would we call it? Like kind of around my Honches or something. Right. And there's this like fold or indentation that would have just been unimaginable, especially in the days I was a dancer and I was like, but I like it.
LiYana Silver (21:04):
I like, it's like this little arrow. That's like, Ooh, don't you want to like, put your hand here? Like, don't you want to put your hand on my waist on this like solid, sexy part of a woman? Well, maybe you can, maybe you can't. I don't know. So I just, you know, to the, to the part, even with the spark that's coming out here is, is a yes. I, I just, I do. I do. I think it's it's in there. I think it takes a lot to sniff it out.
Amanda Testa (21:28):
And so I'm curious too, for women who are listening that are like, yes, I totally can relate, but what do I do? Like how can I start looking at myself through that lens of authenticity and appreciation versus judgment?
LiYana Silver (21:41):
Great. I mean, I have an exercise, but I call the gaze of grace and it's really that, it's just the simple practice of looking through the eyes of appreciation or listening with ears of appreciation or speaking with the voice of appreciation. And so a nice visual can be, if you imagine you have a pair of glasses on or a, got some goggles or some lenses that filter specific that they make you, I see in a certain way, they could be tinted Rose or they could be tinted dark or whatever it is. But these ones that most of us are wearing are tinted to have us focus on the flaws to fix and things to judge. And like you said, like we started out ways to criticize ourselves and that's, it's a groove. It is a way that I think our mind like to try to keep us safe and organize reality. But if we just go, that is one set of glasses or lenses, and if I put them down and I pick up another pair consciously, and these ones, the information that they helped me see, they sort for, what I can appreciate and appreciate is I feel like there's a neutral way to appreciate and a positive way to appreciate.
LiYana Silver (23:00):
And if you can, you can start just with something that's pretty low stake, right? Like probably don't have a ton of judgment on your water bottle. Just like, can I just appreciate that it is, and this color and this shape and the way that the light is on it, I'm not looking at the dent at like the flaw to find, I'm just looking at it with neutral. Let me understand this essence of this thing before me, I'm gonna look at it with sort of neutral appreciation or I have positive appreciation, which is like, wow, there's this cool? How look, you know, that's where I dropped it when I was dancing with my son. And actually this is my son's water bottle. It's his favorite color yellow, but he went on to a different one. So I inherited one. And so then we practice with things in our world that are low stakes.
LiYana Silver (23:54):
Hmm. Then we go find a low stakes part of our body go to the area that you have the most self criticism about, but we just try it. You know, let's just say your forearm is neutral. Just trying to practicing what is here that I can appreciate what is already good. What is already right? Just as it is, How can I look at this the way grace, looks at it looks at this, appreciating this amazing thing. And then we go on, let me go on. When you start to start to feel like you're getting your brown belt and then your black belt, and then you go on and you look at your thighs or you look at your belly or you look at your neck or you look at your lips or whatever the thing it is. And just really with the, as soon as you feel like those other lenses are creeping back on you to just be like, hold up, hold up, sweetheart.
LiYana Silver (24:49):
Let's just try. Let's just see what possibly, what can I appreciate about this part of myself? And I feel like that's a, a good, basic practice. It's a good, basic practice. Couldn't tell you on a hormonal or chemical or scientific level, but we all know what it feels like, whether you're just in the space of criticism versus in a space of appreciation, we know that that feels better in our bodies and minds. So the, I love the word appreciate too, because what we appreciate, appreciate, appreciate means to rise in value. So if we have this practice of looking and listening and speaking with eyes of appreciation, what we're looking at and listening to increases in value, we become more valuable to ourselves. So that is the basic one .
Amanda Testa (25:43):
I love that. And I think it sounds know, I love that visual too. Like literally pretend you're putting on the glasses, right. And starting with something neutral, like your water bottle. I love that because I think so quickly we are just drawn to like my eyes going to be drawn to what I want to feel bad about or whatnot. So it's like just shifting that. And I know, you know, it's definitely a practice, but I can tell over time it definitely works. You know, it definitely works. Cause I even look at myself now and it was funny because I was, I was laying down and I had like my leg kind of bent towards my body. And so like this part of my thigh was like all squished up and I took a picture of it and I was like, you know what I have, because for me it was a huge moment because I remember years ago taking a similar picture in digust and wanting to like cut it off.
LiYana Silver (26:30):
And now it's like, I appreciate this. And this is a huge moment to realize, like, I can look at this and feel like, yeah, they're silent and stretch marks and it's perfect. I mean, it's not bothering me at all. It's just what is, and that is a huge, I think a huge thing. I mean, it seems like it's pretty, maybe in the big picture, it's a teeny thing, but for me personally, it's a big thing to notice that because I don't think about it anymore. Like every day used to be a battle about what I look like and this, that, and the other now it's like, I don't even think about it. Right, right, right.
LiYana Silver (27:02):
And that essence of acceptance is a funny word because somehow it's like deserving, deserving an acceptance. I don't know. I have a little issue with the words. Right. Right. Kind of has in it. Some nonacceptance like, I really don't accept, but I'm going to try. And so, all right. But I still feel with what you just said, this like, this is me and this is good, full stop. And that to just be around that is life giving and it's infectious and I'm so glad for your daughter to be around that. You know, even if it's not all the time and it's not to the degree you want, but you know, still congratulations yet. But I think, you know, in the Feminine Genius part, like that's a huge part of the journey because I think it's like doing, having that understanding of the power of our bodies and the pleasure we're capable of and you know, really learning to love the parts of us. We've been taught to be the most shame about like our sexuality and our sexual organs and just really learning the capacity that we have literally at our fingertips.
Amanda Testa (28:03):
I know we talked about us a little bit last time, but to me, I think that is what, when you realize all the amazing things your body can do, it makes you more, just an audit. Yes. Yes.
LiYana Silver (28:14):
And these are tricky areas because I mean, there is little more, very little in the world. That's more powerful than a like sexual woman. Women's sexuality is maybe the most potent force there is. And so what's the line between where we are so aware of that we're using it for manipulation or a way to prove our value to ourselves and where we actually just recognize it. If it's for whom, for what, and for whom, right. We need to understand that yes, this is very powerful stuff. And what is my, who, who is it ultimately for? And that I think is really important.
Amanda Testa (28:59):
So this is the beauty of, you know, managing all the things from home. My little daughter's upstairs, lots of fans. I want to know noise appearance. I want to see your she's upstairs or something. So I think that's wonderful, but yes. So I lost my train of thought for a second there. Oh gosh. Where were we?
LiYana Silver (29:22):
Oh, women's sexuality. Yes. Yes. Well, I do think that there are so many ways we are blind we're shamed and blinded to what a, what an incredible, what an incredible creature we are. We're sort of, we have little blinders on, which is like, you know, just make sure you look a certain way. And then we don't ever get taught that about our power, our sexuality, our, our reproductive organs, depending on what, you know, however many of those we have at the moment. So sometimes it's just, sometimes it's purposeful for don't, you know, we were purposefully not taught about ourselves and sometimes we're just so ashamed to even go there. And yet, and I think this is one of the reasons, The big reasons I wrote the book is, Is the reflection I get. So I know it's working is I kind of knew somewhere that, that I was magnificent and you've kind of just given me a map back to that. And so I'm really grateful, grateful that it, that it's working.
Amanda Testa (30:31):
And I, I mean, it's so true because I see it as well. It's like such a, an awakening of sorts for women to reconnect to that. And you just see it in the way they look and just this glow in them. And just the confidence, I think, you know, it's the empowerment piece, but there's so many, there's so many layers to it.
LiYana Silver (30:50):
Exactly. You know, and Feminine Genius has a way of the words, you know, they, you get sort of feel what they mean, even not really knowing what they mean. And so I like to say that Feminine Genius is a kind of an energy, right. Or it's a mixture of strengths that we have been taught are weak, but there's a, there's a, there's a, an idea that anything to do with feminine is weak or unreliable or crazy or stupid. And the idea is like, no, actually it's genius that there's this mix of strengths, intuitive, sensual, collaborative feeling strengths that are very not trusted in the world. So we learned to not trust them in ourselves. And it is these very things that have a kind of life force, energy and intelligence about them that really do. They just bring us back to our cells and they really guide our lives in a, in a very true and powerful way
Amanda Testa (31:55):
That it's like the original blueprint or essence of us that is knows what it needs to thrive. Right. It knows what it needs. And you just can, I think a lot of times it's just like peeling away, all the things that's keeping it from blooming up and budding out, right? Yes, yes,
LiYana Silver (32:13):
Yes. I think there's some learning, but I think you're mostly that you're right. That it's mostly an, an unpeeling or a sloughing off of, like we said before, these voices are really not mine. They're not true to me. And I'll just a discarding to reveal what is this original blueprint?
Amanda Testa (32:32):
That's beautiful. So you tell me, so I know that you have your new book that you're working on. When are you hoping that's to come out? Do you have any, I know deadlines and timelines, everything is all up in the air now, especially with, okay. I'm just curious.
LiYana Silver (32:47):
So let me not get ahead of myself. So right now I just worked on getting the audio book ready for Feminine Genius. And it was a little confusing to me because at the same time, along with homeschooling my kid and all the other things I am, I'm just working on the foundational material for book number two. And what it does is it takes One of the sections of Feminine Genius. Yeah. Called navigating your dark and expands that into a book I have. So in the nonfiction world, if you want to get a book published with a publisher, you write what's called a book proposal, which is really long and difficult. It's like writing a quarter of the book, third of the book. So that's the stage I'm in research writing that book proposal.
Amanda Testa (33:30):
Well, Feminine Genius is such an excellent, excellent book. So I highly recommend if you haven't read it, you should definitely check it out. And now you can get on the audio version coming here soon. Yes, yes. And I read it, which was really important to me, I think. And there's something too. I think this is the thing that I do when I have a book that I love. I often read it or have it on audible because I feel like there's a different transmission you can get. And sometimes listening to things on audible by the teacher is so powerful because you pick up that the non spoken transmission. Right.
LiYana Silver (34:05):
And I know everybody loves different mediums. When I discovered audible or audio books, I went from reading maybe two books in a year because I just don't necessarily organize my life to sit and read. I went from reading two books a year to 50. Okay. Listening to, but that, you know, both, I get both, I get the written one and I write in all the margins. Right. Underline, and then I listened to the one. I love it when the author reads it themselves. So I'm really with you,
Amanda Testa (34:37):
Is it, as you can do it while you're, but like you mentioned earlier, we need to find the things that we can sometimes do when we have little time. So that's what I love about audible too. Cause you can wash the dishes or clean the house or take a walk. And before you know it, you read a book.
LiYana Silver (34:51):
So true. Yeah.
Amanda Testa (34:53):
And I think, you know, the other thing too, and I will just share this as a little tidbit that I've been doing for myself because especially, I know one of my, one of the things that takes me down the dark spiral is the, the dooms scrolling. They call it, you know, like being on social media too much, or, you know, I don't really read the news, but I find myself like when I'm in one of those stages where I'm like trying to wanting to numb out or catching myself, just doing the scrolling and the scrolling. And so I've consciously made the choice to notice when I'm doing that and like change to something else. So listen to a book, listen to audible, have things cued up and ready. And I'm going to have like books all over my house too, to pick up. So I realized like, okay, is this really helping me?
Amanda Testa (35:35):
Is this making me feel better? And the answer is no, typically. So when I shift that, I mean, it makes such a difference. I did a little experiment the other week and I was like, all right, every time I want to pick up my phone, I'm going to pick up this book instead or listen to something. And it made such a huge difference. And I read like three books in a week. So I was like, wow, how much time am I spending? You know, just zoning out when I don't even realize it because it's never a long period of time. Like I never feel like I'm on my phone for a long period of time, but it's like a few minutes here and there
LiYana Silver (36:05):
High Potency doom, high potency feel bad about yourself.
Amanda Testa (36:10):
LiYana Silver (36:12):
I want to just highlight something though, where that you said is that I find that well, well, I'm just going to assume this about you, that there is something in you that has recalibrated to what is default your default setting that you recalibrate that my default setting is I want to feel good. I want to feel good about myself. I want to feel enlivened and with, you know, a gaze of grace on myself and the world of my family, et cetera. And that I can just tell you, and we've talked a little bit that that was not an accident, and you've been working your ass off to have that be a new normal, and then that new normal stabilizing your system. So I just want to take congratulations for that, but just really speak to, you know, that is such the journey we're on is the, we have a default in our systems that makes it more comfortable and safe and familiar to feel like shit and to self criticize and, you know, go on the swipey spiral of down you're talking about. And so the, the recalibration to actually feeling good and feeling good about ourselves is huge. I'm so glad you mentioned it. And I want it for everybody else too.
Amanda Testa (37:28):
I'll make sure to share where's the best place for them to get the audio book or when will it be available?
LiYana Silver (37:33):
Okay. Yes. You could do a Bitly link. Can we do that so we can get an audible? You would just go to audible it's on audible. Yeah. However On, you know, it has the Autoboaudiblet link via Amazon. And honestly, I don't know if that's other booksellers sellers because I know audible is an Amazon company, so that's one way. And then another way, let me just share is that I made a bonus for anybody who wants to, to get the book by audible. And the bonus is to join me in my community for a month, or we're going to do a month of master classes. And the classes are based on the perspectives and the practices in feminine genius. Since you'll be in there, my online community, no cost, you can stay on if you want afterwards, but it just gives us a month to really dive into the material. You don't have to read the book already. You could be new, it doesn't matter. So that'll be sweet. So I'll give you a link so people can just decide if that's for them. And that is so I've tried to make it easy. Https://Bit.Ly/Fgaudiobook.
Amanda Testa (38:50):
Well, congratulations on that. I know that's a huge project to record the whole book.
LiYana Silver (38:57):
Amanda Testa (39:01):
I'm curious if there's any last words that you'd like to share if there was maybe anything that we didn't cover that you wished you had an opportunity to touch on now.
LiYana Silver (39:09):
Yes. And you said something at the beginning. I mean, I want to say that this is a very intense time and that you said it's very important for you to focus on what is the opportunity, you know, of the time. And I don't know if wide sweeping systemic change is possible in our lifetimes, and yet we are noticing it's like someone pulled back the curtain so that we can see the inner workings of the systems we are inside of. And there is an opportunity. There is an opportunity I, in fact, was just reading today, the story of Emily DOE. So she was the victim in the Brock Turner sexual assault case 2016, I think.
LiYana Silver (39:59):
And so there's an opportunity for women to kinda, you know, get out of the cage, other the myriad of cages that we're in to see the ways that we're in caged and to, you know, bit by bit get ourselves out. I w I feel like there are some ways we can, we can influence structures to change, to support that, but there is an opportunity for that. We see that in the" me too" movement that was, you know, a little bit more in our faces a year or so ago. And, you know, she's got this incredible book out. So I just think that, you know, it's, it's a lot to just manage daily life, but I want to say that the opportunity is very right. So I read that after the 1918 Spanish flu epidemic pandemic, that was that mirrors what we're going through in that COVID-19 pandemic in a lot of ways. But after that, there was the Harlem Renaissance. And so I just wonder what happens when our foundations are so deeply shaken, like what part of our creativity and our being able to think differently in our age, our ability to regard ourselves differently comes online. So that's the opportunity that I just want to invoke here.
Amanda Testa (41:25):
I love that because I think it is easy. Maybe if you see all that's going on in the world, I'm thinking, wow, the mistakes I've made or how I might have been pro blinds, my privilege in this Kind of thing, but like looking at the opportunity there versus focused on feeling bad and like beating yourself up and like, great. Now, you know, let's move forward and what can we do to make things different better? Yeah. Thank you for sharing that. Yes. Well, this has been a delight. Thank you so much again, LiYana, for coming on. And for those of you who are listening, please make sure to download feminine genius. If you haven't read it yet, I highly highly recommend it. And I'll put again where you can connect and find more in t show notes. And thank you. Thanks for having me and what a rich conversation. Thank you. Thank you.
Amanda Testa (42:13):
Thank you so much for listening to the Find your Feminine Fire podcast. This is your host, Amanda Testa. And if you have felt a calling while listening to this podcast to take this work to a deeper level, this is your golden invitation. I invite you to reach out. You can contact me at amandatesta.com/activate, And we can have a heart to heart to discuss more about how this work can transform your life. You can also join us on Facebook and the group Find Your Feminine Fire Group. And if you've enjoyed this podcast, please share with your friends, go to iTunes and give me a five star rating, any raving review so I can connect with other amazing listeners like yourself. Thank you so much for being a part of the community.