Creating Lasting intimacy
with Railey molinario
Are you tired of constant fighting in your relationship? Imagine a life where conflicts are resolved with understanding and connection instead of anger and disconnection.
It is possible to have a thriving relationship without fighting, and to create lasting intimacy. This week I'm talking with expert Love Educator and Relationship Coach Railey Molinario about her pillars of Relationship Intelligence, and how this works to help you create the relationship you desire, and to keep things hot after the honeymoon period ends.
Listen below, or tune in via: Apple Podcasts,Stitcher or Spotify.
Complete transcript below.
In this episode you'll discover
and much more!
JOIN IN THE DISCUSSION ON THIS EPISODE AND MORE IN MY FREE FACEBOOK GROUP, FIND YOUR FEMININE FIRE HERE.
Railey Molinario, a renowned Love Educator & Relationship Coach, empowers individuals to live fulfilling lives through her teachings on relationship intelligence.
With a remarkable journey from abandonment at birth to a six-figure boss, Railey has gained recognition and has been featured on prominent platforms such as the BBC, Peanut, Medium, and Sovereign magazine. As a respected leader in the industry, Railey provides the world with the skills and knowledge needed to cultivate thriving relationships and lives.
Her signature program, the Power Couple PhD, utilizes her proven formula to guide couples to build long-lasting, thriving relationships.
Stay connected with Railey here:
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EPISODE 254: Relationships with Railey Molinario
[Fun, Empowering Music]
Amanda Testa: Hello, and welcome to the Find Your Feminine Fire podcast. I am your host, Amanda Testa. I am a sex, love, and relationship coach, and in this podcast, my guests and I talk sex, love, and relationships, and everything that lights you up from the inside out. Welcome!
Hey, what’s up? It’s Amanda! If you're enjoying this pod, and you know you are ready to say yes to more pleasure, and you are just wanting to know, “How the hell do I do it,” well, you are in luck because as of now, we have spots available in The Pleasure Foundation which is my pleasure membership where twice a month you get an amazing practice that teaches you how to tap into your body, to become more connected to yourself, and to learn the art of sacred self-care. So, if this is something you're interested in, go to www.amandatesta.com/tpf (as in The Pleasure Foundation) and we will see you there!
Welcome to the Find Your Feminine Fire podcast! This is your host Amanda Testa, and I’m so excited for my guest today because we are going to be diving into, really, the key for a healthy, holistic relationship and what that really takes. We’re gonna be talking about all kinds of good things like relationship intelligence, some fallacies and myths out there about what constitutes a good relationship and how you should show up to please your partner or to create these “roles” that we’ve been taught and conditioned that we think are normal, which sometimes I like to say a lot of the times, things might be very common, but that doesn't mean they're normal.
Also what I love about my guest today is her mission is to provide the world with the effective tools and techniques that most lack so we may become a more empowered society equipped with understanding compassion and connectedness. And that is so beautiful. So, I’m super thrilled to introduce you to Railey Molinario. Welcome! Railey, thank you for being here!
Railey Molinario: Thank you so much for having me. I really appreciate the work that you do, and it’s such an honor to be a part of it, so thank you.
Amanda Testa: Same, and I just want to also just celebrate you and all of the important work that you're up to. One of the things I would love, too, if you are open to sharing a little bit more about kind of what led you to be so passionate about the work that you do.
Railey Molinario: Absolutely. So, I was abandoned by my father when I was an infant and left to sleep in the snow. The beginning of my life was very love-voidant, I say. I, then, grew up with my mother and my stepfather in this extremely abusive and neglectful household. There was a lot of yelling and screaming and beating. My mother ended up becoming in a financially abusive relationship. She was the stay-at-home mom with three kids, and there was no way for us to get out and survive on our own. So, it took a really long time for her to get out of that situation.
Then, when we left my stepfather’s house, we were on our own, and we struggled. And because of the trauma that she experienced, she became a very traumatized parent which, then, passed onto me. It got to the point where it was too much. At 16 years old, I decided to leave and try to make it in the world on my own. Although I left the place that I had grown up in, I took all that trauma with me. And so, I excelled greatly in school. I was able to get into university. I had a house and a car, so I was extremely academically smart and street smart. I was able to take care of myself and excel in school, but I realized that there was something else missing.
And it got so bad with the depression and the anxiety that one day I said, “Enough is enough. I can't do this anymore. I’m going to take my life.” So, I went to a hotel room, and I decided that that is what I was going to do, but just before making that decision I asked myself, “Do I actually want to die, or do I want the suffering to end?”
And in that moment, I realized that those are two different things, that if I could create a life for myself where I was happy and connected and proud of the person that I was, and able to love myself and love other people, that’s an experience that I wanted to have. So, although I had the book smarts and the street smarts, the thing that I realized that was missing was relationship intelligence. I didn't know what it was called then, but I knew it was the love for myself and the love for the life that I had.
On this journey of self-discovery, I researched a lot of different ideas and theories about relationships, self-love, self-development, and along this journey, I realized I’m not the only one, that so many of us are suffering because of the detrimental relationships that we have with ourselves that show up with anxiety, depression, mental health conditions, and the relationships we have with other people, broken homes, broken relationships, messy divorces.
And so, once I was able to get to the point where I was extremely proud of the life that I created, I said to myself, “I need to share this with other people,” because so many of us are continuing the trauma cycles. We’re continuing to pass down really bad habits and ideas of what relationships should look like, and so many modern-day couples are suffering because we’ve gone through a shift in society. We now have more freedom than ever to choose who we want to be and who we want to be in a relationship with. But with this freedom comes a responsibility to know what we’re doing, to understand that relationships are not based on love, they are based on love plus relationship intelligence.
Amanda Testa: I love that so much, and I’m curious for you, when it comes to relationship intelligence, first of all, let’s just take a minute and reflect on your journey as well. I’m curious what, obviously, is this moment that when you came to make that decision of, “Do I want to end the suffering,” that was the answer. But also, what do you think that was able to help you kind of break the generational cycles of trauma?
What else do you think supported you in that (if you're okay talking about that, and, of course, you don't have to if you don't want to).
Railey Molinario: Yeah, trauma took many years to overcome, many, many years. [Laughs] And it included many, many things. It wasn't just one thing. When you're an adult of childhood trauma, you don't realize exactly how much it’s affected you. So, that was the first thing. It was recognizing the parts of me that were damaged because I didn't even have a clue. When I was in relationships and I got upset, I would scream, and I would throw things. When I was by myself and I had an anxiety fit, I would throw things. Throwing things is the best feeling in the world. [Laughs] Now, we have these places that you can go, and you pay to break things. We didn't have that back then, but I didn't realize that these were toxic behaviors, that I was hurting myself, I was hurting other people. For me, it was just normal.
So, the first thing that I had to do was to try to understand what’s wrong with me. I know that I’m miserable. I know that I’m depressed. I know that I want to end my life. But I’m not exactly sure why. I don't understand why I’m so angry and how to change that, so I really didn't know what I was doing. I never heard positive reinforcement as a child, and that was one thing that I did recognize, that the tape in my head was extremely toxic. I was always negative, always pessimistic, always angry. And so, I said, “I don't really know what to do, but I’m gonna find someone who does.”
And so, I started listening to motivational videos by Liz Brown and Tony Robbins and trying to get that tape to tell me something different, to tell me that I am good enough, that it’s not over until I win, that I can be anything and I can do anything.
That was really the first step, and then from there, it was really a mixture of so many things. I read tons of books. I practiced meditation. I started getting into yoga practice. I changed my diet. I became vegan. I started to shape my world based on my values system because before I didn't even have one. I didn't know what that meant. So, I started to create values for myself (compassion, understanding, peace, connectedness), and I just took baby step after baby step, and it took me over 12 years, really, to get to the point where I said, “Okay, I’m actually healed from this.” So, it’s not one thing. It’s a combination of so many different things and different experiences.
Amanda Testa: Thank you for sharing that because I think it’s just good for the listeners to understand there are so many things, that I feel like it is a journey, but it’s a constant awareness of -- I love how one of my mentors calls trauma an embodied violation hangover, right?
It happened in the past, but also, too, there are cultural and collective things that are still affecting people today. So, it’s learning to really plump up that blueprint of health at your root, the part of you that’s gonna win no matter what or I loved what you said earlier. But it’s like really finding the health within you and plumping that up so that you can handle all the challenges that will still come across the path, right?
I’m curious for you, too, how relationship intelligence, what that means to you and how that supports you too.
Railey Molinario: Yes, relationship intelligence is the ability for us to navigate our relationships successfully. So, when we’re in a romantic relationship, for example, most of the time we focus on love because we are a love-obsessed culture. The movies and the music and the poetry, it’s all about love, “I want to fall in love.” But love is a sense of deep affection for someone. It’s an emotion, at least according to scientists in the Oxford Dictionary.
So, it’s important to understand that the feeling and emotional connection you have with someone by itself isn't enough to create a successful relationship, and we know this because we’ve been in love most of the time at least once, sometimes twice, sometimes three times. But it doesn't mean that we’ve had thriving relationships without fighting, without negativity, without resentment, without defensiveness. So, those can be two different things. So, relationship intelligence is taking that love and doing something with it, creating something out of it.
So, for the first two pillars, it’s self-awareness and self-management which is really loving yourself and understanding what that looks like. So, if I feel frustrated, I need to practice that self-awareness and say, “I’m feeling frustrated.” And the quicker I can do that, the more self-aware I am, and the faster I can respond to that frustration because I might not be able to control what happens to me, but I have 100% control of how I respond.
So, the response to that frustration is self-management. I was really bad at this. When I got frustrated, I would throw things, I would yell, I would cry, I would do the angry texts with everything in capital letters. It was really bad because I didn't recognize just because I’m frustrated doesn't mean I have to do these things. I have a choice, and if I recognize in that second that there is a choice, and I can go to something that is going to benefit me as opposed to something that’s going to harm me, that can change everything.
So, that is the first pillar. It’s that relationship with yourself. Having your values system very clear, recognizing your emotions as you go throughout your day and in your week and your month, and then responding to those based on that values system in order to take steps closer and closer to that life that you want to create for yourself.
The second part is the relationship. So, me and my partner, me and my friend, me and my mom, me and my coworker. So, in a relationship, for example, the relationship awareness is being aware of what’s working, what’s not working, what do we need to learn, what do we need to improve, and sort of understanding the vibe in the relationship and the vibe within your partner. You know, “How is my partner doing? Have they had a long day? Are they upset? Is something going on?” It’s not being a mind-reader, but it’s having that intuition of how they feel. And then the relationship management is, “What am I going to do about it?”
So, if you have differences of opinion, for example, or you have a disagreement, the relationship management, “What am I going to do about it,” a lot of people go straight into fighting, right? They go straight into conflict, and they start to have the defensiveness and the criticism and all of that stuff, not recognizing, “Oh, I have a choice as to how I respond. My partner said something. It made me sad, or I feel disappointed in what they say,” or whatever that emotion is, “but I get to choose how I respond. Can I sit them down and tell them how I feel? Can we work through this in a calm and collected manner?” There’s a choice there.
So, managing your relationships, that relationship with yourself, that relationship with your partner, your friends, your family, it really changes everything. We now understand that the quality of our life is dependent upon the quality of our relationships. Relationship intelligence will really change your life once you understand how it works.
Amanda Testa: I’m curious to that because a lot of people out there -- the arguing, that’s a really common thing that happens with couples, right? Not being open to feeling their emotions, not wanting to, not wanting to think before they react or, like you mentioned earlier, it feels really good when you want to just release, and it’s also very harmful. So, I’m curious. Maybe is there a tool or something that you could share for people that might struggle with that, where they could pause and help them to be able to realize there is a choice when sometimes it doesn't necessarily feel like there’s that urgency in all those responses. So, maybe a technique that could help in that situation.
Railey Molinario: Yes, so, if people are mid-fight, let’s say -- if you get into a fight with your partner, and you're mid-fight, and you start to feel yourself get a little bit too frustrated. Your heart starts beating, your breath is shallow, there is something called effective pausing. So, we don't want to continue in that argument because it’s not going to be productive. Fighting is not productive. So, if you feel yourself in that moment get too upset that you can't calm yourself down, you can do effective pausing.
Step one is you look at your partner in their eyes. We read empathy through each other’s eyes and the micromovements we make with our face, so we look at our partner in the eyes. We can put our hand on their knee or on their shoulder and say to them, I’m feeling overwhelmed. I need a break. I’m feeling too upset. I want to take a break. I want a timeout.”
And then you tell them where you're going or how long you're going to be gone for. So, we’re not just walking out of the room, slamming the door, and never coming back, right? We want to tell them, “I need five minutes,” or, “Can we pick this back up tomorrow,” or, “I’m gonna go for a walk and calm down,” right? So, you want to give them sort of an idea of how long that’s going to be or what that’s going to look like.
The third step is that if you are the one to walk away, you have to be the one to come back, because this idea that, “I’m gonna go walk away, I’m gonna go in my room, I’m gonna go under the covers and wait for you to run after me,” this is not healthy behavior. [Laughs] So, it’s okay to take a pause if we do it in the right way.
Amanda Testa: Yeah, I think that’s so helpful because so often just these simple -- well, they're not simple, right? They're easy, but not necessarily simple. You’ve got to practice them, but just giving yourself that gift of taking a break or if you are -- because I think a lot of times in relationships, there are a lot of times one partner is more of the peacemaker, so to speak, or there’s one partner who might be a little more quick to anger or whatnot. So, it’s like kind of tuning in, like you said earlier, of just to know yourself and what you need so you can tune in and, when you're starting to feel that, do something about it. Even if it’s you're not the one that’s getting upset, you can still ask for the break, right?
Railey Molinario: Absolutely. Absolutely, and it’s okay to break. It’s better to have a productive conversion, you know? I call it effective communication. Communication, a lot of people get confused because they think it’s, “Well, if we’re talking, we’re communicating.” Absolutely not. Those are two different things, right? You have to understand how communication works, and if it’s not effective, then you're not doing yourself any justice.
Amanda Testa: That’s so true, and I think people oftentimes -- like you say, one of the things I’ve noticed in my work working with couples is, oftentimes, people are not very good at listening to one another. [Laughs]
Railey Molinario: It’s worse than we all think. It is worse than we all think because people think, “I can hear you, so then I’m listening.” Absolutely not. In effective conversations, you have one speaker and one listener. The speaker is the easier of the two jobs, but even then we need to improve.
So, a speaker’s job is to speak lovingly, directly, honestly, and in a respectful, calm manner. This is difficult when we get frustrated, right, because we want to tell you how we feel. [Laughs] But it’s still the easier of the two jobs.
The job of the listener is definitely the harder of the two, and the job of the listener is not to hear you because I can hear you. I have ears. I can hear you.
It’s to practice active listening, and this is very difficult for people to do in stressful situations. When you're active listening, we are listening with the intent to understand. If you're telling me that the sky is green, I can practice that active listening, and I can understand what it is that you're telling me. Now, I can disagree. I can have my own opinion. That’s perfectly okay, but a lot of times people say, “I don't understand you. I don't understand why you would do that,” or, “You don't understand me.” We can wipe out understanding like that because understanding simply means that I’m comprehending what it is that you're saying. You can have your opinion and your point of view and your perspective, and I can have mine, and that’s okay. There’s no misunderstanding. We just see two sides of the spectrum. But we can work with that. That's when we start to do brainstorming, compromise, and negotiation. But at least we are understanding we’re on the same page as far as comprehending what the other person is experiencing.
The second part of active listening, which I think is the most difficult part -- so we have listening with the intent to understand and the second part to that which is even deeper and even more difficult is accepting what your partner is saying as truth. That is really hard because if I accept what you're saying as truth, that means, “I agree with you, and I don't agree with you because I did take out the trash. You said I didn't, and I did, so I can't accept that.” But you have to accept, if you're in a relationship with someone that you trust -- if you don't trust them, it’s a different podcast, not for today -- but if you trust them, you trust and you accept that this is what their perspective is, or this is what they are believing at the moment. People make mistakes. People are misinformed. That’s okay. It's not the end of the world, but at least for this moment, this is what your partner is feeling and seeing and hearing, and you have to accept that that is where they are.
Amanda Testa: Yes, and I think these are great things to practice in your relationship, and with any relationship, right? And especially in this day and age, everyone has got such a short attention span and can be so easily distracted by devices or whatnot, so just being able to offer that presence to your partner or whoever you're with (your kid, your family member, your friend) is huge, and that’s what I think people want is that being seen, right?
So, I’m curious kind of to shift gears a little bit here because we were talking before we started recording about a lot of the information out there (or maybe misinformation, I’ll say) just about the kind of roles people play in relationships, and I think it goes with communication too because you’ll hear things like, “Well, this type of person is always angry, and that’s okay,” or, “This type of person is gonna be shut down, and that’s okay,” and whatever. Everybody has their own personality styles, and that’s one thing, and the different way they communicate. But it’s like learning these skills of relationship intelligence, learning these skills of communication and listening, these are all important things, but also just kind of being aware of what we’re being fed and how it can be harmful. So, I would love if maybe you could share a little bit more about that if you don't mind.
Railey Molinario: Yes. It is extremely important to understand that relationship intelligence is for everyone because humans, at our core, we have the same basic human needs. We want to feel seen and heard, understood, respected, loved, safe. Everyone wants that. Now, it might show up in different ways, but we all want the same thing. So, relationship intelligence works regardless of whether you're in an open relationship or a closed one, if you have children or don't want them, if you are in an interracial relationship, if you are travelers or home bodies. It is for everyone, and right now, we’re focusing so much of our attention on what is the right relationship dynamic. “We should have only heterosexual relationships. A relationship should be closed. It should be open. You have to have children. A woman should be submissive. A man should do this.”
The thing is that we live in a time, and we are so lucky and so blessed that we get to choose. There is no right or wrong. Whatever you want to do, you can do that. If you master relationship intelligence, and you navigate whatever dynamic you have, it will work. Right now, we have way too much pressure on people to do the right thing as in, “Your relationship has to look like this,” and there is so much pushback when people say, “Well, I don't want that. That doesn't work for me.” “Well, you have to have it because it’s the right thing to do.” “According to who?” There are a lot of people right now because we’re sort of at this time where there are two polar opposites. You have the traditionalists, and you have the progressives.
So, the traditionalists say, “A relationship is between a man and a woman. The man goes out and makes the money. The woman stays home and cooks and cleans, and she’s submissive to her husband. They are going to get married, and they are going to have kids,” more or less. And then you have the progressives who say, “A relationship can be whatever you want. We can have three people in a relationship. Gender doesn't matter and race doesn't matter, and religion doesn't matter.” And then you have people sort of in between, but the reality is, you get to choose. It really doesn't matter because when it comes to the success or failure of your relationship, it has nothing to do with race, it has nothing to do with gender, it has nothing to do with who’s doing the cooking or who’s doing the cleaning. None of that matters when it comes to the success of the relationship. You can be who you want, and you can be with who you want as long as you navigate that relationship in the right way. That’s what really matters.
I think as far as what we’re being fed, we see the TV, we see the movies, we listen to the music, we read the poetry, we see the art, all of these things. We have to understand that these were made for entertainment purposes only, okay?
We do have some documentaries in there that may portray some more realistic viewpoints, but most of what we’re consuming is entertainment, and because we don't get this education from our parents, we don't get it from school, we sort of rely on social media and movies and music and all of this stuff to tell us what we should and shouldn't be doing because we don't know who else to ask. And then what we do is we go online, we go in forums, we ask friends, we ask family members who probably don't have better relationships than we do, so we’re really getting bad advice, spreading really bad information, and we don't even realize what we’re doing.
So, that’s why we’re working on, now, to get relationship intelligence into the school systems because there’s no reason why I should be talking to someone who’s 40, 50 years old who can't name me more than five emotions, you know? I’ve worked with people, and I ask them, “How are you? How do you feel?” “I’m happy. I’m sad.” That’s it.
Or they don't understand how to communicate. They don't understand the art of compromise. They don't understand that before you get into a relationship, you can be whoever you want to be, but you have to make sure that your partner is compatible with you, right? [Laughs] So, we don't think about these things. We don't go through this process. We look for a partner that we’re attracted to. We fall in love, and we think, “Okay, well, that’s it,” and we’re really doing ourselves a disservice because we don't know what it is that we’re doing, and we’re failing, not because we’re bad people, not because we enjoy suffering, but because the system has set us up for failure, and that education isn't in there. And so, hopefully, I can be a little bit of that for some people.
Amanda Testa: Yes, that is just so important because these are skills that most of us never learned, right? And if we weren’t modeled it, then how are we gonna know it? And also, it’s just like you were saying. Our culture sets us up to fail. There’s not support. There’s not the education, you know?
I’m grateful I live in Denver, Colorado, and my kiddo goes to DPS (Denver Public Schools), and thankfully, it’s a progressive school system. And so, they have a lot of good things going on in there, and her school, I remember in kindergarten, she brought home a body-mapping sheet, which I was like, “This is amazing!”
Railey Molinario: [Laughs]
Amanda Testa: If I had only learned this when I was in kindergarten, holy moly! I mean, that blew my mind. I was like that’s pretty amazing because there are plenty of adults out there that don't know just what that means. Basically, when you're looking at the body map, it’s like, “Well, I feel angry,” or, “What does that feel like in your body? Where do you notice it? How’s it showing up?” Just kind of making the connection of what emotions are and how they can show up in your body and being, and just that kind of thing is so key because even from schooling, oftentimes, we’re disconnected from our body’s impulses like you can't go to the bathroom when you need, you can't drink water when you need, you can't eat when you need. You're on a schedule, and that is not necessarily what our body’s internal signals are telling us, so we, even from a young age, turn those off.
So, just to say it, I feel like this is something that really could improve big time, right?
Railey Molinario: Absolutely.
Amanda Testa: But it’s never too late to learn, and that’s what I love about this podcast and talking about relationships and talking about -- because everything -- there’s learned skills, right? These are learned skills. And so, when you can seek out some new information and practice it, it really makes a huge difference in your relationship, right?
Railey Molinario: Absolutely. It definitely can be learned at any stage. I’m hoping that we start to learn it as early as possible. You know, when I explain to people the coaching program that I have and the tools that I have to give them, I explain to them very clearly that relationship intelligence is very complex, but it’s also very simple in a sense that when I explain these concepts to you, there’s not going to be anything that you don't understand. I can teach this to a five-year-old because they're very basic concepts, and people do understand. The difficulty comes in the practice, right? Because I can teach you how to do a jumping jack, but for you to lose 20 pounds, that’s on you. You have to do it every day. You have to actually practice it.
So, the concepts are very simple, but they take dedication, and they take hard work, and they take the willingness to change those bad habits, and they take the willingness to say, “I’m worth it. My life is worth it,” because it’s not just about romance and red roses with your partner. We’re talking about ending generational trauma, ending generational poverty, ending generational ignorance so that we don't pass this down to our children and we don't create a future that is completely disconnected to their emotions, which, then, make them make bad decisions, which is not based on a values system but based on what society tells us is important, and this is really important.
There are so many people that think, “Oh, well, emotions, they're for girls,” or, “I don't have time to think about my emotions because I have a business to run.” They think that emotions are just sort of this frivolous thing, “I don't want to talk about it. It sounds like something you talk about in therapy.” But we don't understand that our entire lives are based on our emotions, and we’re so obsessed now with wealth and cars and big houses and everything you see on social media. I say get whatever house, car, bag you want. You get to choose. Again, there’s nothing wrong with having money and material things. If that’s what you want, you go for it. But there are a lot of people who have that, and they are miserable, and they kill themselves. We see it time and time again of these celebrities who are taking their lives.
So, create your business and travel the world and have fancy things and do whatever it is that you want, but at your core, you have to really be connected to yourself and connected to other people because if you only have those material things, you're going to feel that emptiness inside, and life is going to seem pointless.
Amanda Testa: Thank you for sharing that because it is so true. At the core of everything is connection. We all are connected. We are all a living organism sharing this earth, and there’s a lot that, when we have this relationship intelligence, I think it makes a difference in how you just show up to your life, to your community, to people that surround you. It makes a difference, a huge difference. Yeah, thank you for that.
I’m curious, too. I feel like I could just keep talking to you, but I ‘m curious if there’s a question that you wished that I would have asked that I didn't ask or any last thought you want to make sure to share with the listeners today?
Railey Molinario: Yes, I would say the first thing that I try to get people to understand is that these thriving relationships are 100% possible because, again, we’ve been sucked into this belief that a normal human being has a little bit of happiness, a little bit of sadness, a little bit of joy, and a little bit of misery, but we have to recognize that the misery and the disappointment and the frustration are there as warning signs. So, when you feel frustrated and sad and angry, those are warning -- it’s like a bell going off saying, “Pay attention! Pay attention! Something is out of alignment.” That is okay, but we can use that to, then, take action that will change our life. But if we sit in the misery, if we sit in the disappointment, if we sit in the frustration, that is going to lead us to failure. It’s going to lead us to a life that isn't joyful, that isn't happy.
So, when we recognize those emotions, the question is, “What are you going to do about it?” And when we’re talking about relationships with our partner, with our family, with our friends, as you said, normal simply means that most people are doing it, but, again, most people are suffering. So, we don't necessarily want to do what most people are doing. That mindset shift and understanding that you can have a relationship without fighting, it does exist, because if you learn a technique to calmly and lovingly work through your problems in a right way using compromise, negotiation, and all of these things, you can have that. You can have an amazing life. You can create the life of your dreams. You just have to learn how to do it.
Amanda Testa: Yes, ah, well, I’m wondering if you would be open to just sharing where people can connect with you if they want to learn more or if they want to work with you. What’s the best way to reach out?
Railey Molinario: Yes, I am on Instagram and Facebook. It’s just @raileymolinario. So, as long as you spell my name right, you will find me. [Laughs] You can always just shoot me a message. I have an open-door policy. If you have a question or comment, just message me on either one of those platforms, and then always raileymolinario.com. I do run a consistent contest on my website where you can enter to win one free month of relationship coaching. So, if you go to www.raileymolinario.com, you can enter to win there, and there are tons of free tools and techniques for you to use.
Amanda Testa: Beautiful. Well, thank you so much for being here. And for those listening, I will make sure to put how you can connect with Railey and all that good stuff in the show notes. And thank you so much again for being here and sharing your wisdom, and I really appreciate it. I think this is just such an important topic, so thank you!
Railey Molinario: Thank you!
Amanda Testa: Thank you all for listening, and we’ll see you next week!
Thank you for listening to the Find Your Feminine Fire podcast! If you loved this episode, please go ahead and forward it right now to someone who you know would love it, and if you’ve not yet had a chance to leave us a rave review on Apple Podcasts, please make sure you rate and review if you enjoyed the podcast as well as make sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. Thanks for listening, and we’ll see you next week!
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