Thank YOU+Reflections on 200 episodes
woohoo!! Y'all - today is a very special episode because we're celebrating 200 podcasts!! Thank YOU so much for listening, I'm so grateful to all of you!
Something I've learned is the power of celebration. The more we can hold and celebrate the good- the more our nervous system can allow it in! So the more we celebrate our accomplishments, the better! This can also be called "shine".
Shine is derived from BJ Fogg's amazing book Tiny Habits. He is a behavioral researcher at Stanford, and has loads of research on what actually creates behavioral change.
A huge part of the process is celebrations, shining, for what is good and the tiny things you have done in the direction of your goals.
Shine is the name that Fogg gives to that great, positive emotion you feel when you are successful. When you do a behavior and you feel successful, your brain goes, “Whoa! What just happened? I’m going to do that again.” Your brain releases neurochemicals and takes notice when you have that strong positive reaction, which is what wires the habit—not repetition.
Something that is a big part of rewiring ourselves for more pleasure, is to celebrate and really feel amazing about every small thing that is good. So I'm gonna shine on my crazy diamond self this week!
My husband Mark had some great questions on some of my fave memories of these past 199 episodes, so tune in for some reflections!
Listen below, or tune in via: Apple Podcasts,Stitcher or Spotify.
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Mark Testa (01:14):
So yes, I've got some questions that I'd like to ask you that I think will be interesting for your audience to hear as well. Sure. I love about your podcast. So as we go into number 200, what, what, what was the best show out of those hundred 99 that you remember? Like what was like, like one that really stands out for you?
Amanda Testa (01:35):
I mean, I've had the privilege of talking with so many amazing experts in the field of sex and relationships. And honestly, I have to say some of my all time favorites were talking with I've had Dr. Emily Nagoski on the show twice and she is just, I love her. She is, I'm one of her like superstar fans. She's such a, an amazing expert in this field and so fun and hysterical. And just down to earth also, of course, talking with Sheri Winston who wrote the incredible book, the Women's Anatomy of Arousal and secrets of female pleasure. She is just so knowledgeable when it comes to our anatomy and what we don't know about ourselves. And I think even as a well, educated college educated, smart, smart woman in my late thirties, when I was first starting to do this work around sexuality, I read this book and was blown away. And so those were some of my favorites. I mean, gosh, there have been so many good ones, but those two, the, those are a few that stand out as some of my favorites.
Mark Testa (02:34):
Oh, awesome. That's great. Oh
Amanda Testa (02:35):
My God. There've been so many good ones.
Mark Testa (02:38):
What's been one of the funniest conversations you've had
Amanda Testa (02:42):
Mark Testa (02:44):
I hear you over here laughing. It, it, so, you know when you're recording sometimes. So do you have one that stands out if you don't, I've got a list of questions?
Amanda Testa (02:53):
Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I feel like I'm pretty funny. I don't always let that show, but I think I am pretty funny. So maybe that's just normal personality shining through let's hope.
Mark Testa (03:02):
How about this one? Which one of these episodes was the most uncomfortable conversation to have? Like whether it pushed you or pushed the boundaries of content that you generally share? Just something that like, you know, maybe you was said that made you feel uncomfortable. Do you have one of those?
Amanda Testa (03:23):
I mean, honestly, I feel pretty comfortable talking about everything. Yeah. So nothing too crazy. I mean, I feel like that's the thing it's like, you can't, you just gotta be open to all the different flavors of things people enjoy and what people are into and, you know, choose what you enjoy.
Mark Testa (03:39):
Yeah. That's great. And you are easy to talk to, so I can't see you getting too uncomfortable about much about it. Did you, do you, have you noticed any sort of like common theme around, I know you're talking about everything but is there like one or two where you've had more repeat kind of themes that you can think of? I know it's 199 episodes.
Amanda Testa (04:04):
So one of the things that I feel like some of the top downloaded episodes are always around secrets of female pleasure. How do I have epic sex? How do I have a more satisfying sex life? You know what, you know, what will boost my arousal? What will boost my desire? What's that what's missing in my sexual pleasure. The, how do I get my sexy back? Like those type of things are always the top, top downloaded.
Mark Testa (04:26):
Yeah. People like human connection and it's, I mean, unless you're living with a roommate, it does come back down to how do we make our sex enjoyable, fun? How do I get more turned on? Things like that. Right.
Amanda Testa (04:37):
I mean, I think, yeah, people, I, I mean, I, I, I'm guessing because the purpose of the podcast really is to talk about sex and relationships and help people reengage that fire within them. So I'm, as, I mean, I would imagine that's one of the reasons why those were some popular episodes, because well, listeners thank you for being here, but I'm hoping that you're loving that content. It looks as if you are, and please, if there is a topic or a something that you loved for me to talk about, or someone who you'd love for me to interview, let me know, because I know I, I ask this in the podcast often, but please reach out, email me firstname.lastname@example.org and share, I love getting your insights. And I love having those conversations with my listeners. Cause I feel like I get such good feedback and inspiration from you all. Yes.
Mark Testa (05:23):
Yeah. So along those lines, yeah. The feedback would be awesome. Is there a, a lack of conversation around some topic that, you know, you think should be talked about more, or maybe you've talked about it a little bit, but is there something that really should be brought more to the forefront?
Amanda Testa (05:44):
Well, I mean, I think that's the whole purpose of this podcast is talking about sex and all these taboo subjects, because, you know, as Brene Brown would say, when you shine a light on shame, it becomes less, less paralyzing. You know, it's, you have to bring a light to these things and talk about them because when you do it just frees you and I do feel like there's such a stigma. There's so much shame around sexuality. There's a lot there. You know, people often struggle in silence or they're afraid to reach out or think there's nothing that can be done or, you know, all these things and or we just get stuck into the routine of life and don't think we deserve it or don't have the time or feel like we don't wanna make the time or whatever it is. There's a million things. But I do feel like having the conversation about sex is so key and it's a, it's not an easy one to have. Yeah. For a lot of my clients that I talk to. Right. It's like not an easy thing to talk about in a relationship sometimes. So my intention here is to hopefully give you lots of no tools in which to do that and to feel more comfortable talking about topics that might feel hard.
Mark Testa (06:47):
Yeah. That's great. I think you've done a great job of that. That's good. I I've heard a few conversations over here which one of the, but you, you know, hundred 99 was the most juiciest kind of topic or, or juiciest guest. I'm thinking of one person, but I'm curious who you who you might have, like, like, wow, that was hot.
Amanda Testa (07:12):
I don't know. There's a lot of good ones. I bet I know who you're thinking of. Cuz we love this woman, our friend Susan Bratton. Right. That's true. So of right. She always has really juicy. She's been on the podcast, like I don't know, three or four times, but she always has really like her. Just her approach is always very fun and you know, like anything, these are learned skills often. And so we just often don't have the, the education. And so I love her hands on techniques too. Really amp up things in the bedroom.
Mark Testa (07:41):
Amanda Testa (07:42):
She's fun. So I have a lot of episodes with Susan and in this show notes, I'll share all these episodes that we're referring to. So if you haven't listened to those yet, you can make sure to do so
Mark Testa (07:51):
Wonderful. On the flip side of that coin, what, what was one of the harder topics to discuss and maybe be, cuz you're very transparent and you know, none of it's really taboo to you. None of it's really, you know, shrouded in any sort of secrecy or shame. Maybe you don't have one, but did you interview anyone? Did you have a conversation that was either difficult to get started or difficult to go deeper into or just, just maybe a topic that's difficult for people to talk about?
Amanda Testa (08:24):
Mark Testa (08:27):
I mean, do you hear that Amanda
Amanda Testa (08:28):
Test it? I know I'm just trying to think like what,
Mark Testa (08:30):
Without an answer, without words,
Amanda Testa (08:33):
You know, I, you know, maybe one thing that is I don't have as much personal experiences is, you know, this stage in the game, in my life, I'm very happy in our relationship and feel very content and satisfied and fulfilled with our long term monogamous relationship. And I'm grateful for that. And I know that so I don't have as much personal experience in polyamory or ethical, non monogamy or those types of topics. So those, I mean, I'm very open to learning and I'm always love sharing that because you know, everyone has their own flavor of what they're into. And so I always want to you know, talk with all different types of experts and people with lots of experience. So I just personally don't, can't speak to that as much from my own experience, but I do, I would say maybe those might be harder ones to talk about. Yeah. For me.
Mark Testa (09:19):
Amanda Testa (09:21):
Not that I, you know, just because I lack that personal journey in there,
Mark Testa (09:26):
Is there one episode where you got this big, like aha kind of moment or a big learning that, you know, from one of your guests that Just open your eyes to something different?
Amanda Testa (09:40):
I don't know about an aha, but mostly it's just like feeling so inspired and just every single expert I talk to is like, yes. I mean, this is such important information and it's just not talked about enough. And I love that we're doing that here because I think that's the, the ahas that every time I talk to anyone, it just inspires me that the importance of this work.
Mark Testa (10:06):
Right. I agree with you. How about this one? What, 1, 2, 3 things add as many as you'd like, have you learned from your guests that you've brought into your life now we'll get to another part of that question. What have you learned from your guests that you've brought into the bedroom, but are there some learnings that you, you know, picked up from your guests that maybe you brought into your own life in some way as a parent or a spouse or a, a friend or a teacher? Is there something
Amanda Testa (10:43):
I mean, I feel like a lot, if there's ever a good tool, then I'm always gonna remember it. But, you know, I think, you know, one of my biggest teachers, a few of my biggest teachers Layla Martin, of course, you know, I did her coaching certification in 2017 and also in am a Senior Teacher and Coach for her team. And just learn so much from her with specifically, with regard to the intentional power of, you know, self-compasion and having a sacred relationship with your sexuality and really the power of intentional self-pleasure and really creating an, sacred drelationship with yourself around it, which is so huge. You know, Rachael Maddox is another one of my mentors. She's been on the show quite a few times and really around trauma resolution and understanding what that is and kind of some ways to make it less intimidating and more doable and easy, you know, it doesn't have to be hard all the time. Like work doesn't always have to be hard. It can be done in a way that feels good to, to your nervous system. And that's actually the key, that's the only way it's gonna work. So I would say, you know, really understanding our anatomy is a huge part of great sex, which is why I love Sheri Winston so much. She's got such a beautiful way of explaining it. Oh gosh. There's, it's, it's so hard to nail down just a few, but I would say those are some of the, you know
Mark Testa (12:06):
Amanda Testa (12:06):
The big things.
Mark Testa (12:07):
Yeah. I, I can see all that in your life. The self pleasure, the, just the, and you know, that doesn't, that that can mean any thing, right? Enjoying chocolate and flowers in a beautiful environment. The anatomy, I, you know, I mean, I, I took anatomy and we did, and I did a lot of anatomy courses, and there's still, you know, things you can learn and get a better understanding of and visualize. And and I think you've done a really good job of doing that, sharing that, teaching that, you know, explaining that, you know, removing any sort of difficulty or uncomfortable nature around it. I mean, it's anatomy, right? It's like our nose, our elbow. Why do we feel, why do we have to call it the down the down there, parts the lady parts. And
Amanda Testa (12:53):
Cause the fact that, you know, there's only so many, there's there's states in this us that still don't require biologically correct sex education. Right. And that's a problem. But the other thing too, is just a lot of it we're, we're never been taught and there is the problem too, is that, you know, even with regards to education, you know, even a lot of anatomy textbooks, they are inaccurate representations. And sadly to this day, there is still debate of what's going on in the women's anatomy, which is one, you know, there's a lot of great people out there that talk about this one woman who I really love is Jessica Pin, Jessica ann Pin. You can follow her on Instagram. She's got lots of great info. If you are curious to learn more about the politics behind it all. But you know, I think that's one of the sad things is there's just, you know, women's pleasure has been put to the wayside.
Mark Testa (13:46):
Amanda Testa (13:47):
And it's a very penis centered model around sex that we learn, so, right. That's a problem.
Mark Testa (13:53):
Right. That's a problem. What, what are a couple things that you learned from some of your guests that you brought into the bedroom that I might not even know about?
Amanda Testa (14:05):
Well, thankfully you're such a, a good partner and I feel like we can talk about everything and that's a huge thing I'm grateful for. Yeah. Can be very vulnerable with one another. But one of the things I think this is such an important thing is just slowing down things slowing down and being able to pause and stop when you need to. I mean, and also just allowing, I mean, this is not necessarily something I've learned from my guests, but just that I've learned in my work is that letting anything be possible and not thinking it has to look a certain way or be a certain way, but oftentimes more often than not, we're trying to rush through. And so slowing down is such a huge tip, like whatever you're doing, do it like five times slower than you normally would. What about 10 times slower than you normally would? And especially for anyone who is pleasing a vulva bodied person, slow it down. Okay. That's such a huge tip. Start from the outside and work your way in. Don't go straight for not many people, unless they're fully aroused sometimes yes, everyone's different. But a lot of times it, you know, you aroused before there's touch penetration and that can take up to 45 minutes. And that's, what's beautiful about learning about the, you know, the female erectile network and like all the, that goes on there and how to make it desire, penetration and play.
Mark Testa (15:31):
Yeah. Fun things. That's a, I love, I love it, slowing it down because it just one, it extends the, the pleasure without a doubt. And it builds up desire in a great way. And it culminates in a, in a great way. It lets us, lets us spend more time together. And, and, and, you know, I don't think this is too much information, but I think one of our most favorite foreplays, at least for me, is just laying naked in bed talking right. Knowing what's what's building, but just really spending that almost like 30 minutes, just laying there, chit chatting and touching each other and yeah. You know, really slow it down.
Amanda Testa (16:15):
We, we like connection.
Mark Testa (16:16):
Yeah. We do. And touch physical
Amanda Testa (16:18):
Touch. Yeah. A lot of physical touch, lot of connection. And these, the fun thing is, is that, you know, viewing it as playful, like how you can make it playful and fun is a huge part of it. And I'm, I think when we first, when I first started of doing this work, it probably wasn't as easy in the beginning, but now it's so much better. It's been all worth it. Right. Yeah.
Mark Testa (16:42):
Even when, yeah. Right. I remember when you got into this, even some of the things you asked me were, or we talked about were really uncomfortable for me.
Amanda Testa (16:49):
Like what if you feel okay. Sharing? Yeah. You don't
Mark Testa (16:53):
Have to, well, you know, I mean, you asked me a couple for a couple months, I think, you know, what's your kink. And I was just afraid to tell you I was uncomfortable and nobody'd ever asked it was always stuff you kind of kept to yourself.
Amanda Testa (17:07):
This is such a good thing to mention because I mean, I think that is so important. It is hard to talk about, but if you have like a desire, there's ways to playfully explore that. Right. And it's always about like bringing it to the table in a playful way. Like how, if you know how maybe this be a fun, right? The yes, no, maybe yeah. The list going through it. Right. And the funny thing is, is when even, you know, a lot of the things, maybe if the first time you look at one of those lists, you might not even know what they all are, so right. But it's for fun to just be like, oh yeah, maybe I try that. Yep. Nah, I'm not interested in that one. Yeah. Or maybe I would be under the right circumstances, but let's not start there.
Mark Testa (17:45):
Right? Yes, no, maybe list we did do that. That was fun. And we landed on a lot of the similar things,
Amanda Testa (17:50):
But isn't it fun when you can share your desires and have them met
Mark Testa (17:55):
Amanda Testa (17:57):
So good. So
Mark Testa (17:58):
Amanda Testa (18:01):
Okay. So what else let's see here.
Mark Testa (18:04):
Let's see. What what, what are, what are your top let's what are your top three downloads? I'm just curious. That's
Amanda Testa (18:11):
Good. Well, number one, anatomy arousal in secrets of female pleasure with Sheri Winston.
Mark Testa (18:16):
So that's interesting. It's I mean, right. We should know how our body works. You know, I'm in healthcare. I think the biggest problem with healthcare is people don't know how their body works. And so as much as we think feeding it and exercise is all you need to know. There's a lot more to it than that. And and that derails people's health. And so you can't have much pleasure if you don't know how to work. The parts
Amanda Testa (18:40):
It's so true.
Mark Testa (18:42):
What other one? So true. What other, what's another one that was a top what's number two.
Amanda Testa (18:47):
Number two was how to create epic set and relationships with Layla Martin,
Mark Testa (18:54):
How to create epic sex and relationships because they go together really.
Amanda Testa (18:59):
I mean, you can also have an awesome sexual relationship with yourself, but that relationship with yourself is important.
Mark Testa (19:05):
Amanda Testa (19:07):
So, but back to what you were saying about the bodies, I just wanna re just mention one thing on that, which is so true. It's like, yeah, you've got to gotta be able to enjoy your body by knowing how it works. It's so key for everything and health. And, you know, a lot of my episodes have been around women's health and wellness, cuz there's so much, we don't know about that and how our hormones work and you know, we've learned so many false things along the way. So I always love talking about what kind of,umyth busting around that too. Unumber three, secrets to a more satisfying sex, like life with Dr. Emily. Nagoski,
Mark Testa (19:43):
It's important, right? When you're in a relationship of any kind of ha if, if it's not just a roommate and forgive me if I'm saying it wrong right. You want to have sex with your partner and a relationship.
Amanda Testa (19:58):
Right. And I mean, this, this podcast is, is if you want that right. Not everyone does. Right. That's totally fine. Yeah. But if you want that, that's what I am here for, to help you is to have more fun in bed and to have deeper relationships and to, and to love your relationship with your own sexuality and love your sexuality, and have confidence in your body and feel like the gorgeous sex goddess or Godex that you are right to be this Royal sovereign of your own amazing self. So yeah, I've had so many great episodes though. I, I just feel grateful to be celebrating 200. So really, and also to thank all of you, that to me is really important because without you all, this would not be here. And so I really am grateful for all of your support and for all of you that have taken the time to rate and review the podcast. Amazing. And if you haven't yet, that is hugely helpful if you feel called to do so. And if you don't, that's fine too. But if you've loved the podcast, it would mean the world. If you would write a review and gimme a five star rating and why you love it or why you think people could benefit from listening.
Mark Testa (21:06):
One more question.
Amanda Testa (21:07):
Mark Testa (21:09):
Where would you like to see this go for your next 200 episodes?
Amanda Testa (21:15):
Yeah. Good question.
Amanda Testa (21:18):
I think just continuing to bring in great experts and share my own wisdom. That's one of the things I've had a lot of fun doing more recently this past year is doing a lot more solo episodes, which that actually was a growth edge. Cause it felt real easy to interview others, but not so comfortable doing my own solo episodes. Just funny, I think, cuz I like talking to another person. Yeah. So it, it's just more fun to have a another live human in my presence. But but that too, so that's kind of what I wanna see is just keeping the conversation fresh and new and innovative and really just meeting the needs of people listening and how I do that more is just with all your great feedback. So I thank you for that. And I so appreciate all of you who email in and just share let's share what you love about it or what's touched you. So thank you for that.
Mark Testa (22:16):
Well, thank you for that interview. I appreciate you letting me do that. It was fun talking about it as we were talking about your 200th episodes. So thanks for sharing more about those hundred 99. Yeah. I wish you all the best and I'll try to schedule myself away from your podcast. So we're not competing for sound this year.
Amanda Testa (22:41):
We're good. We're good. Well, I that was fun, Mark. Thank you. Thanks for joining me again and thank you all for listening and we will see you very soon for our next episode.