What is it really like to work with a sex coach?
You know you're curious... it's a question I get asked so often - and the things people THINK I do, aren't really WHAT I do. Tune into this week's episode as my dear friend and Sex Abuse Prevention Educator Emily Gaudreau asks me alll the juicy questions... you don't want to miss this one!
In this episode you'll discover
This episode was so much fun - my friend Emily and I were having coffee one day, and she started asking me some curious questions about what I do. It was so interesting because she, as the host of How to Raise A Maverick podcast is great at asking the deeper questions, and I realized, many people really have no idea what I TRULY do. So we had the idea to record a pod where she asks me alll kind of juicy questions (we go deep y'all). And spoiler alert, no, I don't watch you have sex and give you pointers.
Emily is a Maverick and a Sex Abuse Prevention Educator, who has a powerful online course, Young Wild and Safe.
For those of you who have been following me for a while, you'll know that I'm a mama to a gorgeous daughter, wife to my sexy hubs, and the host of the Find your Feminine Fire podcast.
Sex, Love, and Relationship Coaching is what I do, but awakening women and couples to their sexual power, confidence, and worthiness is who I am.
My goal? To help high achieving women and couples ditch the guilt and overwhelm and live a life with a lot more deep connection, hot sex, pleasure and fun.
Thank you for listening! If you enjoyed this podcast, please subscribe HERE, leave a rave review and share with your friends!
Please join in the discussion on this episode and more in my free Facebook Group, Find Your Feminine Fire HERE.
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Amanda Testa (00:01):
Hello and welcome to the find your feminine fire podcast. I am your host Amanda Testa. I am a sex love and relationship coach and in this podcast my guests and I talk sex, love and relationships and everything that lights you up from the inside out. Welcome.
Amanda Testa (00:20):
Hello everyone and welcome to the Find Your Feminine Fire Podcast. I am your host Amanda Testa and I am looking forward to this episode because I'm going to be chatting with my friend Emily Gaudreau, who is a Maverick and a sex abuse prevention educator and I think we both have this big vision of a new world where there's a lot of safety, sex positivity and that you know you're really able to be able to fully fly and express yourself in all the ways including your sexuality. So we are going to just going to dive in and she's also very curious human and as a friend she had a great idea to ask me a little more questions about myself and share some kind of juicy, juicy topics that we don't always dive into. So welcome Emily. Thank you so much for being here.
Emily Gaudreau (01:03):
I am so excited because I do have so many questions for you that don't normally come up in conversation at the coffee shop. I'm like, all right, let's, let's get Amanda's advice on some yes, some slightly intense stuff, but we'll, we'll wait for that. So the first thing I want to know, Amanda, as a sex and relationship coach, I want to know what is that like. I have this vision of being told to like I, I don't know, I think that there's been group, but I don't know where I got this. I'm like suddenly getting a little embarrassed, but people in a group and their laying there, they've got a mirror between their legs and they're like looking at, look at your label, look at your, you know, and say nice things to your vulva or whatever, you know, is that real? Does that happen? Is that, is that going to happen with you?
Amanda Testa (01:51):
So I love that. First of all, that is a beautiful practice and that is not something that I personally have you do in a group in my work right now. But it's something that I think is a very good thing for you to do on your own. And I know there's, there's a lot of beauty in that, but people do often think like, what do you do? Do you watch us have sex? Am I like, what is, what is really happening here? And so that is a great question and I'll share with you, everything is actually very pretty much PG 13 in a lot of ways, right? There's no nudity, there's no, I don't watch you having sex. I don't like give you pointers as you have sex. It's more around really creating empowerment and education around your, your sexuality. So often that starts with, first of all becoming clear on what it is that you really want.
Amanda Testa (02:34):
Like, are you wanting to reclaim your feminine fire or are you wanting to, you know, bring the spark back in your relationship with your partner? Really, I work with a lot of moms and couples and they're in longterm relationships. They have families and there are a lot of real challenges that those people face. So oftentimes we are busy taking care of everyone else. So we don't know what it is we even want. So that's kind of the number one thing. It's helping them get clear on what they want. And number two is kind of diving into find out more about where those blockages lie because a lot of what holds us back is in our physiology, you know, in our body and our body mind things it holds on to things that we might not realize. So it's kind of unraveling where those blocks lie and working with them.
Amanda Testa (03:16):
And oftentimes many of the people that I've worked with have suffered trauma in the past or they are under a lot of stress. And so often it comes with really learning how to nourish your nervous system because the key to great connection and great intimacy and great sex is feeling safe, feeling connected and knowing that you can open and surrender and you cannot open and surrender without that safety and connection.
Emily Gaudreau (03:42):
So that's huge. That's a huge difference from what I thought was going on. I mean we've kind of talked about this, but for the sake of other peoplem, where before I met you, I was like, okay, that's, that's a whole, that's a whole different, the thing going on. Okay. So how did you get into this in the first place?
Amanda Testa (04:00):
Yeah, that's a great question. So the foundations are important and that, and I think for me, I realized that my own story began when my daughter was, she was just a babe like one.
Amanda Testa (04:12):
And I remember feeling so disconnected for myself. I was doing all the right things. I was working out, I was eating well, know all these things that I was involved in my community and still something deep was missing. And I just realized that one morning I went to the bathroom and I was like tripping over toys. I was so irritated. Just, I was so resentful. The minute I woke up most of the time and I just looked at myself in the mirror and I had zero recollection with that woman that was looking back at me and I was like, what? What's going on? Like what has happened to me. I'm not myself. Like something is not right. And I just promised to follow the breadcrumbs that came across my path to find her again. I was going to find the woman I knew it was there. A deep inside who I am so grateful to who always is there like rooting for me deep down and I feel her and just, you know, allowing her to have more presence and voice in my, in my life. So anyways, I came across this course with my mentor and one of my most amazing teachers, Layla Martin, and it was around working with the Jade egg to kind of work with restoring your pelvic floor health and increasing your sexual desire. And I thought, Oh sure, that can't hurt, that can't hurt. Let me sign up for this. And I remember when I signed up, I was first of all mortified and I thought, Oh my gosh, I have no one as I'm doing. This is so embarrassing. Like, what the hell am I sticking a rock up my vagina?
Emily Gaudreau (05:25):
Literally, sticking a rock in my vagina. (laughing)
Amanda Testa (05:27):
But then I thought, okay, well, It can't hurt so I'll give it a try. And I was amazed at the difference from when I started the course and when I finished it like it was night and day. First of all, I was raped in college. I had a couple of other things that, that you know, were really affecting my sexuality that I didn't realize. And I went to therapy for seven years, which helped a lot, but I realized there was still some deeper lying stuff that was in my body that I never had really worked with. So through this program I just had such healing around that and I just realized it had zero to do with spicing things up in the bedroom. That was a side effect, but it had 100% to do with feeling comfortable in your own body, really understanding the power of our own life force energy and our creative energy and how we can use that to nourish our own systems.
Amanda Testa (06:15):
Like our sexuality is not just about having sex. And I don't think I had that distinction back then. I just thought, Oh, sex is just something you do. You know, it should be enjoyable. Half the time it's not and I just want to please my partner and you know we have to do it. But versus like this is something, this is a space for nourishment, for connection, for expansion. Like my mindset was totally blown and changed and I realized after this I was like, why are we not taught these things as women? Like we are not taught how to have good relationships. We're not taught how to have good sex. We're not taught about our own bodies. We're not taught about our anatomy. It's no wonder we struggle because of the education that we do have is so shame and fear based. So I just realized that that moment, like if this is going to be my life's mission, I want to turn things around. I want to shout this from the mountaintops and help every woman like really understand the power that they have in their bodies and why it's so key to our overall health and wellbeing. Because like anything, our sexual health is a reflection of our overall health. And if we're struggling in that area, there's probably other areas we're struggling in because really our system, you know, it's like restoring the sense of wholeness to the whole, you know, your whole body, your whole being, physically, emotionally, spiritually. So it's really tapping on all those layers
Emily Gaudreau (07:23):
Because don't they say, you know, in regards to your Chakras that that's really like your primal, like your energy comes from. And if you don't have that, I know nothing about chakras obviously, the way I'm talking about it, but I, I'm just visualizing the person sitting cross legged and they have, is it red?
Amanda Testa (07:42):
I love talking about chakras and also understanding that it's a very, you know, there's a million energy centers in our body, but this is kind of a distillation to simplify it for, you know, most people and really if you want to just think about it, they're just energy centers in your body and they're actually, they are important because we can actually install these ourselves. You know, we can install our energy centers, we can fill them with what we want. And so you know you've got your base chakra, your root, and then your sacral shocker, which is like your genitals and your sexual organs and then your solar plexus, your heart, your throat, your third eye and your crown. So the deal with these is, you know if you have a blockage, the theory is if you have a blockage an energy blockage in one of your chakras, then the energy can't flow throughout your whole system.
Amanda Testa (08:30):
And really what you want is this open energetic flow because that enables, you know, your full energy to flow, your full creativity to flow, your full life force energy to flow throughout your system. And you know, often if you'll notice there's often, and I think for people that don't like the woo and they're like, Oh that just makes no sense to me. Just realize you can just use it as a map, right, as a map for understanding certain things about your energy or yourself. If it doesn't resonate, that's fine too. But yes, if you have a lot of blocks or there is a lot of numbness or there's a lot of disconnection, then that's an area where it's important to kind of look and see what's there, like what's underneath all that. Usually there is a reason that these things have come into play, like these are protective barriers that have at some point served us.
Amanda Testa (09:17):
So kind of the more you can embrace all the parts and pieces of yourself, even the ones that you might dislike or that you might want to be gone, they were put in place for a reason and it's really, it was all about protecting you at some point. So kind of realizing that and having a little more empathy for those parts of you understanding truly what they might need to get them on board. And so kind of when you dive in more deeply into the body, you can discover what those may be for you. And often, yes, there there's a lot of blocks down in those lower chakras because that's where so much happens.
Emily Gaudreau (09:46):
It makes sense. Even if you're not, like I said, I don't know a whole lot of shock about chakras, but that is the base of your spine and even neurologically, that makes so much sense. If your hips are out of alignment and you have tightness or the process of elimination or anything is, is that tension and not like the blood flow not going to that base it seems if you don't want to do the chakra thing ,it would affect you all the way up. So what you talked about, you have history of abuse and some stuff you needed to work out there, which seems like a massive hurdle to get through. Or maybe it wasn't, I don't know. But now that you're in the place that you are, what are some of the challenges since the egg that you've had to overcome? I mean, there's other people that are listening. If they hear you say it, they're going to be like, yes, that's me too. Yeah.
Amanda Testa (10:38):
Well, I think, you know, like anyone in a longterm relationship, there are just the challenges of the real, you know, kind of routine and stress of parenting, of all the things that come into your daily life. And I think for me, you know, especially as in the past five years of growing my business and all the stress and time that takes, and my husband is also very involved in his work and there's a lot of stress. So I think for me what the key has been, especially recently is learning like really using my tools to stay in my window of tolerance. And I think, you know, working with my nervous system, really learning what calms my system emotionally, physically, spiritually. Having those tools in place that I can write down and keep it in a place I can see and you know, amplify the times I do those during the day because those simple things are the key in the big picture.
Amanda Testa (11:33):
Like when you can manage your nervous system on a regular basis. And I like to do that through sensual self care, then I'm much more able to respond when it's stressful. How much more able to not freak out over little things I used to lose my shit about, you know, I used to lose my shit probably about 10 times a day about something stupid. Like where the fuck are my keys, dammit. Where are my keys? You know, like, excuse my language. But like that's seriously how it would be or you know, losing it to get my kid out of school on time. You got to stop losing your shit with your kids. Oh yes. I gotta check that book out. Emily. Just held up a great book. So yeah. So I think that's the thing is learning how to keep myself in like my just nervous system taken care of so that I can better deal. And maybe if I was in a less stressful place that would be a different thing going on. But that's really been the thing this past year especially has been a lot of overwhelm that I've had to work through.
Emily Gaudreau (12:22):
So it's you've found, I want to know exactly what you have that's like triggers, reminds you to have sensual self care, but it's not, it's not just about the sex stuff. Like you're actually a better parent.
Amanda Testa (12:36):
Oh my gosh. Yes. It comes into play with everything. I mean I think people think I want to have better sex. I'm going to learn some strategies and some sex tips. That is amazing. And I do encourage that. And you know, usually once, I know that someone has a strong foundation, we move more into sacred sexuality and what are the tools, and I have a great online course around that called Tantra For Lovers. But you know before that you have to be in a place where you have a good foundation. Because if you move into those higher tools without the foundational work, then the traumas are going to be resurfacing and there's going to be all kinds of conflict and you have to be able to deal with those things. So I just want to share that. Well, yes, you can always learn new tools and techniques and I highly encourage you always are expanding your knowledge around it because I think especially in a longterm relationship, that is something that comes up a lot is that the boredom or the routineness of it and realizing that when you kind of look at your sexuality is more than just a place for just pleasure.
Amanda Testa (13:27):
Like porn would teach us, which we can talk more about in a minute. You know, we think it's supposed to look a certain way when you can realize that like this is just a container of life, right? I can cry during sex, I can be angry, I can have things move through my system. I can allow that for my partner. I can, you know, just making it more of a, of an experience that is encompassing everything versus just it's got to look a certain way. Then it does become more fun, more nourishing, more resourcing, more relaxing, more enjoyable and you want to do it more and then over, you know, it's so there's, there also reduces that bordeom in a longterm relationship because you know, there's so much depth there. Like you could work a lifetime on expanding your sexual capacity with one person if you so choose when you look at the depth of your sexuality. Right.
Emily Gaudreau (14:12):
Okay. You dropped the P word. I am. I am the person that if you go to a dinner party and somebody seats you next to me, we will eventually start talking about pornography. So I used to be a photographer for Playboy. So I have and I teach sex abuse prevention and how to keep talk to kids about porn so they don't watch I, my, my mo is to keep kids from watching porn. But
Amanda Testa (14:35):
Emily Gaudreau (14:36):
Now we're entering adult world and it's different. There's different things that we need to talk about with pornography. So what is your deal? What's your stance on porn?
Amanda Testa (14:48):
Yeah, and this is a great question and by the way, Emily is awesome and she has an amazing class an online course
Emily Gaudreau (14:54):
Young, Wild and Safe
Amanda Testa (14:55):
Young, wild and safe. It is so good. So you can check that out. I'll share with you how to find her, but I'm not a fan. Here's what I think about porn. I think anything you ingest in a conscious way is great. I think that there is a time where it becomes unconscious, where it's not great. And if you think about how you experienced sex, how you experienced sex with yourself or with a partner. No, you're wiring these things into your neurology. So this is where you create your sexual reality, how you touch yourself. You know, if you, if you're just masturbating to porn really quick or fantasizing or always watching a certain type of porn, you are training your brain and your programming that you can only orgasm one specific way. And also a lot of the things that you're seeing are not realistic.
Amanda Testa (15:40):
They are not something that is, you're going to experience in real relationships with a partner. And so knowing that it's going to really challenge you in partnered sex. So the other thing about that I'll say is that, you know, oftentimes too, we build up a tolerance to the way we do things habitually. So maybe if you watch a certain type of porn, it stops turning you on. So then it has to be more intense and so then that can take it down another road. So I feel like it's really important to kind of undo that patterning, undo that conditioning if you are into habitual porn and if you are someone that you know can consciously watch porn as an adult, then I would say make sure that you're going to a site that's actually ethical, where you know that the people are treated ethically and they're being paid ethically and they're not.
Amanda Testa (16:28):
No, there's so much, so much wrong with the porn industry that, that I do not really believe in supporting it unless you're doing it in a conscious way. And like really being wise about your choices. So, you know, I know that my, my friend Kit has a site called, Oactually.com That has kind of a list of some ethical porn sites. But I just want you to know like whatever you're doing habitually, that's how you're wiring yourself to receive pleasure, to experience pleasure. So just know that if you want to expand your capacity for pleasure in your own body and in your relationship and being able to experience that with a partner, kind of taking a break from porn will be very beneficial for you.
Emily Gaudreau (17:03):
Okay. So here's I love, I love the idea of conscious consumption because we do it on so many other spaces in our lives and it seems like when it comes to pornography, and I guess its because a lot of it's free and people just don't, they just take what they're given instead of going, okay, well let me really think about what I'm doing here. They, they're just out for the quick hit. So let's talk about masturbation. So this is interesting. Years and years ago I met this woman in Thailand and she, I believe she was teaching tantric yoga, and I don't remember a lot, but I remember her saying that masturbation is a waste of that vital primal energy. But she also said, you know, not to sleep in the same bed with another person because you're, you know, releasing that energy or taking that energy on. That's what it was. So tell me, what's your, what's your stance on masturbation now that we got the, the P word out there? Okay, let's go. This is another great question.
Amanda Testa (18:08):
So I, you know, there is some philosophies where like in the Taoist philosophy, there's the theory around being able to have an orgasm without ejaculation for a man. Because if you ejaculate, there's like a formula there, which, you know, you can take it or leave it, but you know, the more they ejaculate, the more they're expending their life force energy. And the same with women. However, I disagree because I think when you learn how to work with your sexual energy and when you really learn, the true nature of a lot of these ancient philosophies, it's around cultivating your life force energy and using it for yourself. So I love masturbation, sacred self pleasure. I like to call it self pleasure because masturbation, I don't like the, the, the origin of that word is like to deface with one's hand, which I don't believe when you're touching yourself in a loving way that you're doing any harm to your own body.
Amanda Testa (18:54):
And I think that's the number one thing, like reframing that like you are mindfully and lovingly touching and bringing pleasure to your body. Love, connection, acceptance. So when you do that to yourself, you're going to experience that more in your partnerships. So it's really key I think in doing everything with more intention, especially around your sexuality. And yes, we're humans. If you want occasionally to have your quick little thing with your vibrator, great. But if you want to really expand your sexual experiences, if you do that every time, you're never going to be able to have an orgasm with your partner without, without a vibrator.
Emily Gaudreau (19:25):
So, so no, no, go on the vibrator.
Amanda Testa (19:28):
Not no go, but just not all the time because there's no way a natural, so natural like penis and vagina sex are you going to get that same type of stimulation as vibrator is going to give you. So the more you like resensitize other areas and you realize your clitoris is not just that little pearl that you see on the end, there's like a, it's kinda like a wishbone that goes down underneath, which most people don't even aware. Most women, sadlt, are not aware of their own sexual anatomy. There was a recent study that like 44% of women couldn't correctly identify their anatomy when shown. That's because we weren't taught. It's no fault of your own ladies. I would highly recommend Women's Anatomy of Arousal by Sherry Winston. It's a great book on learning your own anatomy, highly recommended reading for every single human out there, male or female, so you have a better understanding of what you're working with. So anyways, I lost my train of thought for a bit. Where was I?
Emily Gaudreau (20:15):
Amanda Testa (20:16):
Oh yes. So that, you know, yeah, there's a lot more to it than just that one little piece. So the more also that you can sensitize different areas of your, your body, you know, you can actually have orgasms throughout your whole body. So it's not just that one clitoral like genital sneeze type of orgasm. It's more of like a full bodied energetic experience.
Emily Gaudreau (20:35):
So you can actually increase the sensitivity. Because I know that I know what the clitoris looks like with the wishbone situation, but you can actually get the other parts to activate through training.
Amanda Testa (20:48):
Emily Gaudreau (20:49):
Which makes sense. Cause that's why you like don't just specifically your training all week, there's all this whole theme of this is don't, don't train the wrong way.
Amanda Testa (20:57):
Yeah, exactly. So that's kinda the key. You know, when I work with people, we work on the base foundation and then when they're ready to move into these advanced tools, we move into these because I do think they're important. You know? And, and again, it's something that I just have amazing catalogs of meditations and videos and all the tools that you would need. You do them on your own and then we kind of dive in deeper about what comes up around them or you know, really the teachings behind it so that you can really get a big understanding of what, what's going on there.
Emily Gaudreau (21:26):
This is so cool because it's in just in our world, you know, with alcohol and different things, we're trying to find pleasure through external processes or products. And it makes, it's just so cool to know that we can get that. We've got it. Like we've got all the gear and even if we're not finding it right now, we can work with somebody like you that can turn, turn that on. Yeah, that's with us. And that's ours. That's so fun. Fun. That sounds awesome. I want a full body orgasm!
Amanda Testa (21:58):
Yes. Right. It's, and it's something that most of us aren't aware that's even possible for us. And that's why I think it's so important to talk about and educate because I see so many women and couples really struggling. I mean, cause it, let me tell you the truth of that situation where you are feeling so alone, so unfulfilled, so isolated when there's a warm body lying right next to you in the bed. Mmm. And if you're in a relationship where you're not sexually fulfilled, it is a deal breaker.
Amanda Testa (22:27):
A lot of the times, you know, people don't put as much importance on it, but it's a huge deal. I see so many people struggling deeply. You know, they feel deeply at their root, unworthy or unloved because their partner can't make love to them or doesn't, or you know, the affairs and porn addiction that happens because there's no connection, sexual connection. So it's a primal need that we have as humans and there's a lot of potential around it. But know, if you're struggling in that area, that there is help available because it does affect every area of our lives. So much.
Emily Gaudreau (23:00):
You and I have talked about this before. Kids who are living in homes that aren't with both of their birth parents are 20 times more likely to be sexually abused. So this is, you don't even think about, you think about infidelity or divorce or whatever, but this is like a radiating serious effect when you are not having great sex. And you repeat that statistic, what you just said. Again, kids who are not living with both birth parents are 20 times more likely to be sexually abused. Hmm. So even more than if they are in foster homes. Oh my gosh. Because other partners are being brought in and various other things. But it took me years for, for years, I thought it was the other way around. I thought it was 10 times more likely
Emily Gaudreau (23:45):
And foster kids were 20 and I think that my brain just wasn't able to compute what was going on. And then I recently saw it again. I'm like, what? How have I, how have I gotten that wrong? That's insane. Yeah,
Amanda Testa (23:58):
Emily Gaudreau (23:59):
So having great sex and staying with your partner and is huge. Huge, huge, huge.
Amanda Testa (24:06):
Yeah. And realizing that there is so much potential there, you know, oftentimes we don't think it's fun. It feels like it to do when we're very stressed out and busy. But there's ways to shift that and it doesn't have to be hard and can be be simple, easy shifts. That's why I always say simple and easy because I realize in the big picture after doing this work for so long, that's what makes the changes.
Emily Gaudreau (24:27):
It's also, it reminds me as well of, you know how they say we only use 10% of our brain. It's like we're only using 10% of our sexuality. Even potentially if you have a good sex life, yes, you may only be operating at 10%
Amanda Testa (24:42):
Cause even people are like, Oh we have great sex. I'm like, awesome. I am excited for you. And did you know you could even have even better sex? Did you know you can have orgasms? You can have orgasms all over in different parts of your body. Right. We could tell we could talk, we could go down all kinds of rabbit holes. But yeah, so, so I, this is,
Emily Gaudreau (24:58):
This came up the other day, I was out to dinner with a very good friend of mine who is single. She's out doing the apps and all this, you know, she's on the dating scene and she told me nobody uses condoms anymore and she is not using condoms. And I like what, I mean, I don't, I can't comprehend that, but she, she said, no, it doesn't feel good. Dah, dah, dah.
Amanda Testa (25:23):
Okay. First of all, I will say, I think this has a lot to do with a women not valuing like just the people in general, not, not valuing themselves because that's what I, that's a safety discussion. That should really be happening before sexual encounters because yes, you should be able to have sex with whoever you want to have sex with. Casual sex is fine, but it should be safe. And I think a lot of times people are afraid, are too afraid to share their sexual history or if they have an STI, to share about that and so they just don't, and there's a lot, I don't work as many as much with dating couples because I mean I don't work work, excuse me, as much with people dating because I really specialize kind of in more longterm relationships but I do have some great colleagues that are specifically dating coaches, but I will say it's a big issue of having,
Amanda Testa (26:05):
Okay. This is one of my other amazing mentors, Rachael Maddox talks about this and how one of our core needs is feeding our little soul seed, like our basic needs, right? And there's a big need for safety and oftentimes we don't feel comfortable A. Knowing what it is we want, 2. Having the courage to ask for it and three, receiving it. So safe sex being number one, that you are going to be respected and that your no is going to be respected and that there's consent and that it's safe and that there will be a condom if you're concerned about STIs, you know you need to be able to speak that, speak those needs, because the more you can relax, those brakes are going to shut down because if in the back of your head you're afraid you're going to get an STI because your partner is not using condom, then that's going to shut down the pleasure. Right. So anyways, I think it's just a not feeling comfortable talking about it.
Emily Gaudreau (26:51):
Yeah. So it's a safety issue, but it's also not being able to experience your full capacity
Amanda Testa (27:00):
As well. Right.
Emily Gaudreau (27:01):
I thought that was fascinating. Yeah, so we stopped the waiter and she goes, I'll never see you again. Do you use condoms? And he looked at her. He goes, yeah, of course. He was like, I dunno, like I'm not from here. Is that weird? Is that going to be weird if I bring out a condom? I'm like, no, you can do it. You can do it. Yes.
Amanda Testa (27:24):
But I'm a big fan of safe. I'm a big fan of safety because that's what makes great sexual experiences. Right? Yeah. And if you enjoy, you know, even all kinds of different ways like kink and all those things, there's such safety in that there's a lot of safety in those communities when you find the right ones. So
Emily Gaudreau (27:42):
Do you think that that is a result of the influence of porn?
Amanda Testa (27:47):
I don't know how common that is. Not using, not using condoms. Yeah. I don't know. I don't, I really couldn't tell you
Emily Gaudreau (27:53):
Because it seems like that's a theme in pornography is not using, I mean, there's never any condoms. And just from the research that I've done of the communitys there and different outbreaks that they've had talking about like unethical working standards, but all right. Very interesting. So tell me about your tantric course, your, you have a course. Tell me about that.
Amanda Testa (28:17):
Yes. So I have a few online courses and the one that I'm really excited about because it is Valentine's day coming up and it's February, I always feel like it's a good time. People are like, what are some unique things I could do? Like what can I get my partner? How can we make something like out of the, besides just going out to dinner, right?
Emily Gaudreau (28:31):
So I'm buying one right now. That's a great idea.
Amanda Testa (28:34):
So this course is, it's actually 10 modules where it's about teaching you the basics of sacred sexuality and really the holistic tools that enable you to have a better sex life. And it's meant for couples that are in healthy relationships that are wanting to take it to the next level. Or if they're curious to explore like maybe our sex life is kind of boring. How can we make it better? Right? Or maybe they're feeling a little disconnected and don't know how to bring that back. So this is a great way to do it. And it's very safe and easy step in the door. And you know, one of my, I just finished taking the beta testers all through and one of the, one of my clients is like, Oh, you know, my husband's not into this woowoo stuff at all. But he was really able to kind of get around some of that. We woo stuff to really focus on the practical, which there's a lot of, and you know, anatomy and all the kinds of things that just are important to learn, but just that they're just simple techniques that help you be able to be present and connect. And I love the sacred sexuality of bringing that divine into your relationship and how finding the divinity in everything, even sexuality, that's a huge thing. That is just like the consciousness in everything. And really how you are a part of that. And when you bring that into your relationship, it just brings a whole nother level of depth. If you're choosing to go there. And if you want to just learn a couple of new tools, you'll learn those too.
Emily Gaudreau (29:53):
Nice. You know, I love the, it's you and I have a very similar perspective in that I am like Baptist, Christian girl, right. And I believe that sex is a gift. Absolutely a gift from God. He even says so. It's like, it's like in the very beginning of the Bible and it's like one of the most basic things to enjoy. It's fundamental and it is absolutely God's gift to us.
Amanda Testa (30:23):
I agree. And I think it's moving sex from something that's shameful to something that's sacred.
Emily Gaudreau (30:29):
Amanda Testa (30:30):
And when you have that view, it just opens depths and worlds of expansion and energy and all kinds of goodness.
Emily Gaudreau (30:40):
Yeah. And I love it cause I tell people, I'm like, don't let this be taken away from you. Something is stealing from you. And from, you know, I speak in churches all the time and that really hits home with people, you know, just, I love that we're on the same page with that I just do it from a totally different perspective. Right.
Amanda Testa (30:59):
But still, it's true. Yeah. Yeah. Good. Isn't the song of Solomon all around like sex and how amazing it is.
Emily Gaudreau (31:07):
Oh yeah. Oh yeah. So anyways, yeah. So, so what else, what else is I want to know what, okay, this is my question for you. What do you have sitting around you right now? Like you, you were talking about little triggers that you have. What does, what are those? Cause I'm totally gonna copy you. Oh my gosh. If I want to be you. Okay. So this is my first stage.
Amanda Testa (31:33):
Well, I have an amazing space that my dear friend Tiffany Joseph's helped me curate it because she is a med magical human. So I have, you know, my desk even, you know, I like, I like this ring. It just reminds me to tap into my pleasure. It's my clitoris ring that I wear and I have, you know, some crystals, over here that I love. There's like orange calcite, it's all good for your sensuality, some citrine for success. And I have my my Sage here that I'd like to use to clear in between meetings. And then I have the happy laughing Buddah statue. That was my grandmothers that I love that just, it's just right every here to just bringing in the joy and yeah. And then I have my, this beautiful like space over here that's like my practice area where I do my practices and where I do when I am teaching. That's my backdrop for when I'm holding live classes. And then I have a beautiful image over there. Of this amazing sensyal naked woman on my wall, a picture, I mean it's everywhere is like a feast for the eyes in here. I'm a very much of a sensual person, so I've even got like my nice soft faux lambskin I'm sitting on and yeah, I'm all about the, I'm all about the sensual pleasures
Emily Gaudreau (32:38):
On a daily basis you're like, I love it. I love it. And as we're speaking about this, I just watched season two of sex education is out, you know,
Amanda Testa (32:50):
I actually have watched a few episodes. It's so funny and so good. I need to watch the whole thing. I,
Emily Gaudreau (32:54):
It's my guilty pleasure. It's like nobody's getting hurt. Nobody's getting shot. It's not violent. It's, yeah, it's hilarious considering what you and I both do. Yeah. I just, if you haven't seen sex education, please check it out. Yeah.
Amanda Testa (33:10):
Awesome. And I actually, it was funny because I realized I was going to do kind of a, a recap on the goop lab episode of the pleasure is ours, which I don't know if you've seen, but Gwyneth Paltrow has this documentary on Netflix around just different alternative healing modalities and, but what I do, I don't believe, I mean I don't agree with everything, but I do love the fact that she's bringing this into the mainstream and that, you know, people don't understand their anatomy. Even when Gwyneth Paltrow was calling your vulva, your vagina, I mean like the vagina is the internal canal. The vulva is the external genitalia. Like it's people, it's not your vagina. Teach your children. This like, as Emily will tell you, it's so important to understand your own anatomy and teach your children their anatomy. So a, that they're empowered around it. And B, that they, you know, they have pride, right? How many women out there call their vulva a flower or down there and how many boys call their penis a penis, right? It's like learning your anatomy is what the first step to like having pride and confidence and ownership of your body. So,
Emily Gaudreau (34:10):
Well, I want to expand on this because I had this discussion the other day is that even in the feminist world, when they have like the uterus, like flipping people off and stuff like that, they exclude the external female genitalia in their diagrams. It is not included anywhere and calling it the vagina is like calling, you're pointing to your lips and calling it your throat. It's not correct. It's not right. And they're like, Oh, I'm just going to do it. And I'm like, how about you not? How about you just give them the right information and it is eliminating all the pleasure organs yes. Yes. It's like just reproductive and the word vagina means sheath for a knife, right? Yeah. [inaudible] come on, I just, it, I get so much pushback on it and I'm like, yeah, you could do that or you could just be correct. And like you would never call your lips your throat, right to a child. No. That's weird and confusing. And why would you exactly. And we don't call penises urethras
Amanda Testa (35:12):
Emily Gaudreau (35:14):
Yes. We're so on the same page. Thank you Emily.
Amanda Testa (35:18):
So key and this is what I love. Like we, what I would love and what I love about Emily's work, it's like it's helping parents teach children because really that's where it starts and the only way we can make a different world is like starting with kids. And so really we, I work with a lot of the people at the end of the spectrum who are trying to reclaim it as an adult and I'm hope is that the more women that are empowered, the more they are going to be different examples for their kids. The more different relationships will show, like the possibility of what's possible for kids and that they see healthy relationships and they see healthy families. That's truly at the root of what I do is because I have this huge mission to see a million happy pleasure turned on women like really in their power and their relationships flourishing because they being in their full power enables their partner to be in their full power, which enables their family to be in their full power and their kids, to be in their full power. And that to me means that they're totally safe and comfortable in their bodies, that they feel safe and confident in stating their boundaries and upholding their boundaries, asking for what they need and fully receiving it. And you know, those are key things.
Emily Gaudreau (36:23):
It's quality of life. This is basic quality of life stuff. Yeah, it really is. You're amazing, man does amazing you guys. You know that because you listened to her podcast. But yeah.
Amanda Testa (36:35):
Emily, thank you so, so much. It's been such a fun conversation. Anytime, anytime I'll come up with some more questions too. Beautiful. Well, and also I want you to [inaudible] tell everyone where they can find you because you're up to amazing work.
Emily Gaudreau (36:47):
Yeah. So I have a podcast called how to raise a Maverick which is about raising kids with work ethic, grit and empathy. But also, you know, like we just recorded episode with Amanda on it about being a Maverick and all the things that we need to do for ourselves as parents to raise good kids too. And young wild and safe if you just Google youngwildandsafe, that is my online course where I use analogies in nature to teach kids how to be safe and also how to talk to kids about pornography in super simple ways. So if you were like, Ooh, about talking to your kids about sex and any of that stuff, this is so for you it's like hitting the easy button. Yes. Yeah. So that's me, Emily Gaudream, young wild and safe or how to raise Maverick, Google, either of those.
Amanda Testa (37:36):
Yay. Yay. So much. And thank you everyone for listening and we will look forward to seeing you next week.
Amanda Testa (37:44):
Bye. Thank you so much for listening to the find your feminine fire podcast. This is your host, Amanda Testa. And if you have felt a calling while listening to this podcast to take this work to a deeper level, this is your golden invitation to invite you to reach out. You can contact me at amandatesta.com/activate. You can have a heart to heart to discuss more about how this work can transform your life. You can also join us on Facebook in my group, Find your Feminine Fire Group. And if you've enjoyed this podcast, please share with your friends, go to iTunes and give me a five star rating and a raving review so I can connect with other amazing listeners like yourself. Thank you so much for being a part of the community.