Mastering Midlife Dating And Finding Your Second Soulmate
Are you finding yourself unexpectedly single, and not sure how in the world to navigate the dating scene in midlife?
Are you struggling to believe that finding the love you truly desire is possible after loss or heartbreak?
If so, today’s episode will offer some hope and inspiration.
Today on the podcast I’m pleased to introduce you to Michaela Lambert.
Michaela is a Transformational Love Coach and Dating Empowerment Mentor for single women in midlife who want to attract a quality partner for a lasting relationship. She’s on a mission to help other women navigate the (often confusing!) modern dating world, so that they can find their soulmate.
Listen in to discover...
Michaela's journey of finding love after loss.
The #1 thing holding women back from dating, and what to do about it.
SAVVY dating strategies to come into dating from a stronger position, including how to have FUN in the process.
How to step into your vibrant self in the dating process.
Dispelling common dating myths.
How to navigate modern dating culture with ease.
and much more!
Complete transcript below.
JOIN IN THE DISCUSSION ON THIS EPISODE AND MORE IN MY FREE FACEBOOK GROUP, FIND YOUR FEMININE FIRE HERE.
Michaela Lambert is a Transformational Love Coach and Dating Empowerment Mentor for smart women who are single in midlife and struggle with dating, but who long to attract an emotionally healthy partner for a lasting relationship.
She understands the pain that women feel when putting themselves back out there because she's been there herself! When tragedy struck in 2010, she found herself single and ready to date again a few years later - and it became the catalyst to her midlife journey of self-rediscovery. After a 4-year-long exploration of the modern dating world, she attracted her second soulmate, Steve, on POF in 2016. They are now blissfully married and live in a blended family home with their 4 children in the south-west of England.
Michaela is the founder of The Savvy Dating System™ which she uses to guide her clients to prepare for soul-aligned love by helping them to connect with the goddess inside them before they embark on an exciting, empowering and FUN dating journey that will lead them to their right-fit partner within a few months.
Grab her Guide, The Five Secrets to Midlife Dating HERE, and in it there are also some journal prompts to really help you get that clarity of what you're looking for, and there are just some really quite juicy tips in there!
Want more support from Amanda? Schedule a confidential 1-1 call with Amanda here.
In this 45 min call, we’re going to identify your #1 block to pleasure, why it’s showing up in the way it is, and what to do to turn it around.
After doing this work for almost a decade, I can quickly identify the patterns holding you back, and show you the steps to change it.
Permission to reach out even if it feels scary. Permission to reach out even if you aren’t even sure you want to do this work. Permission to reach out to explore if this is right for you, no strings or pushy sales tactics here.
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EPISODE 263: Michaela Lambert
[Fun, Empowering Music]
Amanda Testa: Hello, and welcome to the Find Your Feminine Fire podcast. I am your host, Amanda Testa. I am a sex, love, and relationship coach, and in this podcast, my guests and I talk sex, love, and relationships, and everything that lights you up from the inside out. Welcome!
Hey, what’s up? It’s Amanda! If you're enjoying this pod, and you know you are ready to say yes to more pleasure, and you are just wanting to know, “How the hell do I do it,” well, you’re in luck because as of now, we have spots available in The Pleasure Foundation, which is my pleasure membership where twice a month you get an amazing practice that teaches you how to drop into your body, to become more connected to yourself, and to learn the art of sacred self-care. So, if this is something you're interested in, go to www.amandatesta.com/tpf (as in The Pleasure Foundation) and we will see you there!
Amanda Testa: Hello, and welcome to the podcast!
If you are finding yourself unexpectedly single and not sure how in the world to navigate the dating scene in midlife, or maybe you're struggling to believe that finding the love you truly desire is even possible after a loss or heartbreak, then today you're going to be in luck because today’s episode is gonna offer some hope and some inspiration. I’m very excited to introduce you to my guest today Michaela Lambert!
Michaela is a transformational love coach and a dating empowerment mentor for single women in midlife who want to attract a quality partner for a lasting relationship. And so, she’s gonna share more of her story in a moment, which is just a beautiful story, and also because she’s been on her own journey and also a teacher and coach for over 20 years, she really wants to help women to navigate this modern dating world, especially in midlife, and how challenging it can be. So, we’re gonna dive into a lot of that today. So, welcome, Michaela. Thank you so much for being here today!
Michaela Lambert: Oh, it’s so great of you to invite me. Thank you so much, Amanda. I’m really happy to be here and to share this. I’m looking forward to this.
Amanda Testa: Yeah, well, I think it’s so important because I think there are so many people that can relate to being in a position of unexpectedly finding themselves single, and I would love, if it feels okay, for you to share a little bit more about your own story and why you’re so passionate about this.
Michaela Lambert: Yeah, for sure. So, I mean, my story really goes back to the beginning of 2010. So, I was happily in a long-term relationship with George, and we were living in Mauritius, which is a tiny little island in the Indian Ocean, a beautiful island. We had two young kids, and I just had my last son (my second son). Literally, he was a baby when one Christmastime (end of 2009) George got a cancer diagnosis of stage four lung cancer, and this just completely rocked my world. I mean, it was just devastating. So, I was 37 at the time, still on my maternity leave, and just thinking how are we gonna get through this.
So, we did what we could at the time, and unfortunately the medicine that was available on the island back in 2010 wasn't really as great as I believe it is now. So, just heartbreakingly, in the August of that year we lost George, and that was just as if I just went into the darkest of phases ever. I know that you can relate and understand this, but there I was, just a single mom, all of a sudden. It was just in such contrast to the idyllic life that we were living at the time out in Mauritius.
And so, you know, I hung on. We sort of stuck around in Mauritius for a couple of years because that felt right. It allowed us to feel really connected to George’s memory.
But then I really began to feel like I was kind of living in a fishbowl because it seemed like everybody on the island knew me as part of a couple that didn't exist anymore, and it’s such a small community, it’s such a small place, there was no space to kind of start again, have that fresh start that all of us (me and the kids) really needed.
So, I took the decision to just pack up everything, sell everything up and move back to the UK, which is where my roots were as well. I have roots in Mauritius but also in the UK. That’s when, about a year after we’d sort of settled in and got over the shock of living back in a cold country again, I felt like, “Yeah, actually I feel like it’s good for me. I think I want to start dating again.” And oh, my god, it was the biggest shock to my system because 2012, I’m now 40 by this stage, and I’m living in the middle of rural England, a small town.
I’m just like I have no idea where to begin, and I think, “How do we even meet guys now?” You know, I’m like, “I’m so out of my comfort zone!” [Laughs] You know, the last time I was dating -- if I ever really did date. I don't think I did, but you know, I was in my early twenties. I was living the life, living the dream, going out, meeting people easily, and now there was nothing -- I just couldn't see a way through it.
So, I was like, “Okay, I’m gonna bite the bullet. I’m gonna do this online dating thing,” and, wow, it was like a jungle. I really felt like it was a jungle. I put up a profile, didn't really have much idea what I was doing, but I thought, “Well, I guess I better put some pictures up,” and oh, my gosh, just the comments that you’d get from your photos and men thinking that they’ve got the right to do and say and send you photos of all sorts of things.
So, yeah, it really just was an eye-opener, and I just was like, “Whoa, this is unreal.” But I went with it, and I think I spent about two years really in the dark. I mean, totally in the dark, but I approached it with this learner mindset. So, I was following different coaches. I was getting their courses. I was reading their books. I was my own coach, really, pretty much, and I learned really quickly that why I was making these big mistakes, why I always ended up being ghosted, why I was making these mistakes of chasing men. And then one day my youngest son who, by that stage, was five years old (so he’d just started nursery/kindergarten, whatever), and he’d noticed that his little friends were being picked up by their moms and their dads sometimes, and he just turned to me, and he said, “Well, where’s my daddy? Why haven't I got a daddy?” Then his next question, which really just hit me right in the heart was like, “Can you get me a daddy?”
It was with that question, it was such an innocent question that I was like, “God.” I felt like, oh, I’ve just been dating for me, really, because I just felt that loneliness. I missed that companionship. I missed that connection with a man in my life. I really missed that.
Amanda Testa: Yeah.
Michaela Lambert: And I really wanted that, but I actually wasn't seeing the big picture, and I wasn't seeing how really having another male presence in all of our lives, how actually the boys had missed that, too, you know?
By that stage, my oldest son was 14 and the youngest, as I said, was 5/6. And so, that’s when I sort of went, “Okay, I’ve been going about this completely the wrong way. [Laughs] I’ve just been looking for the wrong thing in the wrong way, and this is what I’ve been ending up with. So I’ve got to do things differently. I’ve got to get myself really, really clear,” and this is how I really sort of went through the steps that I now teach, and it’s a system.
Literally within about a month the quality of the men who I was dating improved by 100%. They were quality men. They were men who were family minded. They really shared the same values as I did. I realized I’d been dating like a 20-year-old, like someone who was just in college still, and that was the mindset I still had because I hadn’t really dated. That was what I associated with dating. You know, he’s got to be cute, he’s got to be this.
Then actually I had to say when I first got back into dating I didn't find men my age or older attractive. I really only found men who still looked like as if I was in my twenties attractive, and so, I went out with men in their twenties. I thought that that was kind of the level I was on in that sense, dating-wise, so ugh, yeah.
So, boy, I grew so much, I just have to say, with the dating experience. I learned to really date in a way so that when I actually met Steve he sort of knew from literally our second date that he didn't want to let go of me, that he had found his person. He just said, you know, I sort of dated him to perfection. Every date that we went on as it progressed had him more and more and more hooked, and he just couldn't believe that I was single and that this was -- whereas from before I’d been coming from a place of, like, “Oh, nobody wants me and I’m just always gonna be on my own,” that then having done the work and the switch completely shifted things.
Yeah, so we met in 2016, and we’ve been together -- we were married in 2019, and we’re still going strong, and it’s lovely, and it’s a wonderful relationship. Yeah, and I call him my second soul mate, and he was the inspiration, really, behind my business, which is called Your Second Soulmate. Yeah, so, that’s a bit of my story, Amanda.
Amanda Testa: Well, first of all, thank you so much for sharing that. I love that name Second Soulmate, and I also am so sorry for your loss of George, and just in all of your journey that you went to heal and move on to find love again. It’s so inspiring, and I know it’s not easy, and so, it’s brave.
Michaela Lambert: Thank you.
Amanda Testa: I’m wondering, too -- because I think a lot of times it feels really hard to, and so often women won’t, or they’ll hold themselves back or they just never remarry or put themselves in that position. I’m curious, first of all, why do you think women hold themselves back, and what do you think helped you to move past that?
Michaela Lambert: Yeah, so, that’s such a great question, and it’s a question that’s got one very simple answer, but it’s got so many different shades to it.
So, the very simple answer is it comes down to fear, Amanda, you know? I can't remember who says it, but anyway, it’s well known. So, fear is the complete antithesis, the opposite of love, and when we are stuck in fear, which is really almost the darkest place to be in, it sets up a cycle. So, because women feel fear -- and you can feel fear for so many reasons. You know, maybe you’ve had a past relationship that’s scarred you, that’s wounded you, that’s left you with these wounds. Perhaps it’s maybe you’ve always held yourself back from love because some of your needs were never met in childhood, and you’ve got these patterns that you’ve set up so that you’re only ever attracting a certain type of man who, then, it just perpetuates a cycle.
So, once you're in fear, what tends to happen is women shut their hearts down and they protect themselves, and this is the natural reaction. It’s the fight, the flight, or the freeze. They either run away (they hide), or they freeze (they shut down), or they can also fawn and just turn into real people-pleasers, you know? It’s like they just abdicate their own needs, completely give themselves away or they can be really adamant and belligerent like, “I don't need anybody! I’m independent! Nobody’s gonna treat me that way again!” And so, there are so many levels to it. But, ultimately, it all just comes down to fear, and it’s pernicious, and it creates procrastination. It stops women, in particular, wanting to put themselves out there. So, there’s that fear of this being visible again, that fear of being hurt again or being rejected or being abandoned, so many different fears, but ultimately fear. So, yeah, that’s really the answer to that.
Amanda Testa: Yeah, that makes a lot of sense, and I’m wondering what you think helped you move through that. How do you help other women when they're in this spot? What kind of advice could you give or how can you support them?
Michaela Lambert: Yeah, so, I think there are a number of ways of working with this. So, fear is really the emotional stage that we move through, but we also have a lot of kind of blocks. We set a lot of limits on ourselves mentally in our minds. So, actually being able to really open the heart, I think you have to work on a number of levels. So yeah, I guess in my system, we work with really helping women to get clear on what is it that they really want in the same way that that was what moved it for me because I hadn’t even realized that I was holding myself back from actually something that could be an amazing relationship, and as a result, I was attracting all these duds and I was going on these dead-end dates, and once I got really clear, then actually this is what I needed -- I needed a family man.
I needed somebody who wanted to step up and be a father to my kids, and every woman will have completely different needs. A divorced woman may be thinking, “Well, my kid’s already got a father. That’s not what I’m looking for,” and that’s actually fine. So, this is a completely individual thing.
But yeah, so getting really clear, making sure that you are also, then, working on clearing your clutter. So, any patents that you might have that need to be overhauled, because you end up in the exact same situation, and this is the universe telling you that this has got to change. It’s just giving you information. So, working on those and all of that I would class under the mindset, and then another part of it is actually working on your self-worth and really understanding that you are the prize, and this is a big shift as well for a lot of women because maybe they’ve been in an abusive relationship, or they’ve had a narcissistic parent who’s really chipped away at their self-esteem and their self-worth throughout the whole of their life.
And so, they can't really see what they have to offer in a relationship to somebody. And so, there’s that piece to work on as well.
Then I think we can start working on the fears. I am a real fan of EFT tapping because I think it can break through a lot of different layers, so that’s the sort of work that I do that really helps to shift different layers of fear really quickly. This is all about, really, the inner work, but then the last part of it is about really raising your own vibration and really connecting, and this is why I love what you do as well. Finding that feminine goodness inside of you because that’s where your power center is.
So, once all of those pieces are together, then you’re coming into dating from a much, much stronger position, and then the rest is really just strategy and tactics. You know, once you’ve worked out what’s important to you, what your values are, and what you're looking for. I guess that’s maybe another piece as well. So, in the what are you looking for, it’s like you say that that’s important to you, but why have you been picking all of these guys -- [Laughs] all the cute guys or whatever, you know? And, yeah, of course you want to find somebody that you're attracted to, but if you’re only valuing chemistry and you're not looking at the deeper aspects of this person, and even finding out if you two are actually compatible with each other and if he meets your needs and if you meet his needs, then chemistry I think can only really get you so far.
Amanda Testa: Yeah, well, I love that, and one thing, too, that I think is just so important that you mentioned earlier is around how when you first went back to dating, you were dating you were dating like you were in your twenties, and it is something to realize what does it look like to be the mature woman who knows what they want a little more, and granted, that is hard.
Like you say, getting that clarity piece, that sometimes is the hardest thing for people because we, as women in a patriarchal society, don't often get that luxury of knowing what we want based on whatever it may be, but just getting that clarity. I’m curious, too, what helps people be able to step into that more mature version of themselves?
Michaela Lambert: Yeah, that’s a really great question. You know, I think, ultimately, life is a really good teacher.
Amanda Testa: [Laughs] Yes.
Michaela Lambert: And I think if you’re somebody who continually is just finding yourself dating the same kind of guy, the same guy with a different face, but it’s exactly the same situation, and you're stuck in this pattern, then really the common denominator is you.
So, there’s something within you that has to shift. There’s something in you that is attracting these men to you or even if you’re having the experience where you are feeling invisible online, you're being passed over, it’s like well, yeah, that’s really -- you’ve got to always be asking yourself, “Is this the kind of experience that I want to be having?”
Amanda Testa: Right.
Michaela Lambert: And if it is, great, keep doing what you're doing. If it’s not, change it.
Amanda Testa: Yeah.
Michaela Lambert: It’s as simple as that, really.
Amanda Testa: I love it, and I would love if you would speak to one thing because I think this is a common thing that people -- it’s not necessarily true, right, but people like to just make these generic statements and believe them like, “Oh, there are just no good single men out there for me,” or, “People on apps just are lying,” and all the things people think, right? I would love if you would speak to that for a moment.
Michaela Lambert: Oh, my gosh. I would love to. I would love to. Well, this is kind of -- modern dating culture, we can see it as being a very toxic culture.
We have this sort of illusion of just abundance. You know, you go, and you sort of scroll online. I mean, sometimes you can scroll online and think, “Oh, my god. It’s slim pickings. There’s no one here.” And sometimes you can go on and it’s like, “Oh, wow.” But anyway, either way, that toxic culture, you reflect it in how you’re thinking about it. So, it’s very disposable. You're sort of swiping left, swiping right, and you're not really stopping to -- it’s very superficial. So, I completely understand women who say, “I don't like online dating. I don't like how it feels. I feel like a commodity,” and I totally get that. I totally get that. However, there are smarter and savvier ways to use online dating as a tool. So, for me, it’s a tool. There are so many ways.
I remember eventually the way that I found success and I got my power back -- so I love sites like Bumble which give women a little bit more power in that they sort of make the decision, and they have to make the first move, but you can go incognito on a number of sites, and that means that nobody gets to see your profile unless you are making that first connection to somebody, in which case, your profile gets shown to them only, and then they can make the decision. So, there are so many ways. I mean, it’s a tool. That’s basically what I was saying, and you wouldn't say, ugh, I don't know, all spades are XYZ just because -- no! They're there to serve a purpose. Really and truly, just while I’m on my dating soapbox, the apps are there as a business. They're there to make money. They want to keep you on there as long as possible.
It’s really not in their interest, despite what their marketing says, for you to find somebody quickly. So, they are designed to be frustrating, confusing, overwhelming to navigate. So, that is why it’s so important to be clear on what you're looking for and to go about dating in a way that really is the most time and energy efficient for you. You know, you do not need to spend hours scrolling endlessly, mindlessly. This isn't really social media. But if you go in there and you're really smart about it, you can find it’s very easy and quick to connect with some great guys really quickly and set up some actual in-person dates really quickly, you know -- get meeting people, get out there.
Amanda Testa: I think that’s a big part, too, is the practice of it, right? Getting back in the practice, especially if it’s been a really long time. You know, maybe you haven't dated in 20 years, and you're like, “Well, this is definitely like wearing high heels after never wearing them or something,” right? Toppling, you might trip. There is the learning.
Michaela Lambert: It totally is, and I think that what we need to do as women, especially women in midlife, we need to give ourselves that grace that we’re learning. It’s a skill, but it’s like riding a bike. It comes back to you really quickly, but you have to sort of take it at your pace. You have to make sure that whatever you're doing you are showing up authentically. So, just taking the high heels example. If you have not worn high heels, like I haven't I think since before I got pregnant the second time. That was when I decided, okay, I’m just not comfortable in high heels anymore, and I’m really short. I’m under five foot, so I kind of need the extra height, but I just can't walk in them anymore, so it’s like, okay, I’m gonna own the fact that I am four-foot-ten, and I’m gonna be wearing some little boots maybe with a little block heel just to give me a little bit of height, but I don't need to make myself uncomfortable on this date. I don't need to -- you know, it’s really about just knowing yourself.
Amanda Testa: Yes.
Michaela Lambert: I think that’s the superpower of a woman in midlife.
Amanda Testa: Oh, yes.
Michaela Lambert: She really knows herself, and she’s coming into her power anyway, sexually and in all sorts of ways, and I think that it’s the ideal time to actually be dating because it’s like personal development, you know?
Amanda Testa: Right.
Michaela Lambert: Yeah, you're putting yourself out there!
Amanda Testa: Yes, it’s true!
Michaela Lambert: You're getting to know people, and you’ve got to know how to navigate this, you know, in a really clever way. Yeah.
Amanda Testa: I like how you say that. It’s a really powerful time because I think, too, especially after you experience loss or heartbreak, and you grow and you're in a new place and probably a lot more wise than you were in your twenties. Also, like you say, you know what your values are more, especially if you have a family.
You know what you're looking for when you can give yourself that gift of being true to yourself. I think that’s another thing about when you're younger that, oftentimes, you might still be just trying to please, or put on a costume, or, “This is how I think I need to look when I’m dating,” or, “These are the outfits I think I need to wear to be sexy,” but it’s like, “No, what is gonna make me feel good? What is gonna make me come alive,” versus trying to look a certain way, right?
Michaela Lambert: Definitely. Yeah, that’s absolutely it.
Amanda Testa: Yeah, well, I’m wondering too, as well -- I think because you have done so much work on this -- and you’ve created this kind of simple way to go about it, right, because it can feel very overwhelming like, “I don't even know what to do!” You're like, “Okay, here are some of the steps.” So, you've kind of gone over a few of those, and I’m wondering if maybe there’s one other piece of advice that you could offer that you think that these women need to hear?
Michaela Lambert: Yeah, okay, so, I think -- there really is so much I could say. I’m just trying to pick something out. I would really say that it’s like anything. There’s no cookie-cutter way of dating. What is gonna feel right for you is not necessarily gonna feel right to somebody else. However, with that said, if you're somebody who wants to, let’s say, find somebody -- let’s say you're in your early forties, and you’d still like to find somebody and have a family, let’s say you've never had kids before, and you've got your own time crunch because you want to find your right person really quickly, then you're probably gonna be dating in a slightly different way to a woman who’s in her fifties and she’s slightly more relaxed about it.
So, in all cases, the thing to remember is that you want to make sure that your values are really strong, your standards are really high, and your expectations are really low.
Now, I know that this is maybe a little bit contentious and controversial, but because women are like, “No, but I’ve got really high expectations. I need to --,” but it’s like, no, you want to be going into each date with a completely clear slate. You want to have zero expectations that this is gonna be going anywhere because when you’re coming from that place going into a date, you can only ever be pleasantly surprised at whatever happens and look for the good. You know, when you're looking for the good, you're aware of what your deal breakers are. You know what you're not willing to put up with, and you’ve kind of been honing your judgment and discerning skills, but I think having those clear sort of boundaries around yourself really elevates you in the eyes of men because men really -- I know this is a big, broad blanket statement, and I try not to make them, but it’s really hard when I’m talking to women who are dating predominantly men, and I do really only work -- I haven't yet worked with any homosexual women at all, but what I wanted to say is that a real currency of men that they really value is respect.
So, they want to feel respected, but in order to value you, they want to see that you respect yourself more than anybody else. So, when they see a woman who’s got really strong boundaries in the sense that they're not walls, because we don't want to see a woman who’s got walls and is just trying to protect herself all the time, but she knows exactly what is acceptable and what is unacceptable for her, and she’s not afraid to affirm those boundaries and do it in a way that maintains respect for him. And I think that is really like a key. That’s a really vital key, and I think when a man can see that a woman has that self-respect herself, but she could also respect him, he knows he’s got somebody who is a little bit out of the ordinary.
So, just to come back to the woman in her early forties who maybe wants to date efficiently because she’s on a time crunch, one way that I would really suggest that is to be multiple dating, and it’s something that, for our generation, perhaps, and older, when we were in our twenties or whatever, there were real double standards around that sort of thing. It was kind of understood that men were gonna be maybe seeing a couple of women at once or whatever, if there was nothing serious, but it was really frowned on if women did that too. I think now it’s definitely more accepted that that’s gonna be -- until you're exclusive with somebody, you sort of want to make the assumption that they're probably seeing two or three other people as well.
And I know that a lot of the women in their fifties and older have a really hard time with this because it’s so ingrained that, “No, no, no. I’m a one-guy woman, and I don't want to do that.” But the thing is, is what happens there is that they end up investing themselves really quickly in a man before he’s really shown himself and that he’s worthy. They’ve invested a year of their time, and then he’s shown his true colors, and it’s like, “Ahh…” So, they do inevitably see the sense in maybe seeing two or three and getting to know them all at the same time because then it keeps your -- attract your vibe much, much higher, and you become that prize. You really feel like the prize when there are three of them and you're juggling them. Yeah.
Amanda Testa: Yeah, I love so much that you mentioned it’s a personal growth journey because it really is, and like you were saying, you have to grow to be able to find a new pattern. And so, that’s why I think people like you (dating coaches) are so important because it’s like there’s a transformation involved there with you’ve got to learn how to do it! And also, have support when it’s hard because it is, right? Like you were saying earlier, a lot of women who are older, their friends may all be in relationship, so they don't have that support of someone who’s like, “I know what it’s like. I know what you're going through.” Because no one around them does.
Michaela Lambert: That’s so true. That is so true, and I think that it can feel really lonely being in that position, and I think having somebody else to talk to who gets it is a great way forward. Yeah, absolutely.
Amanda Testa: Well, thank you so much for all of this really helpful information and for sharing yourself and your story. I’d love to know, too, if maybe there’s a question that I didn't ask that you wished I would have asked or maybe any last things you wanted to share?
Michaela Lambert: I think I’ve kind of hit all the points that I was gonna hit, but I think if there was one sort of lasting thought to take away it’s all the times that I hear people say, “Ugh, dating sucks. Dating’s so hard. Why is it so sucky? It’s just awful,” but it’s like at the end of the day, it is meant to be fun, you know? So, there’s a gambling ad in the UK, and it says, “When the fun stops, stop.” So, if you’re not having fun and if you're not enjoying this process, then it’s really on you to ask yourself why and take yourself out and make sure that you're filling your cup. It’s so important to come with a full cup, and by that I mean that you’ve got everything else in your life really figured out and sorted and you have got that full life, you’ve got things that light you up.
It’s gonna make you a much more enjoyable person to be around, number one, but you're gonna, then, feel that you’ve got things that you can share of yourself, and you're not putting the emphasis on the dating as the thing that -- and I think that I fell into that trap a lot at the beginning because I was back in a new country, I didn't have many friends. So, a lot of my kind of life was sort of being invested into dating and into these pseudo situationships, I’ll say. But it was so empty. And so, yeah, I had to sort of take a break and then get myself on track, really, and then come back to it, and I had a much, much better time. But yeah.
Amanda Testa: I love that. Make sure you're having fun!
Michaela Lambert: Yeah! [Laughs]
Amanda Testa: I’d love to know as well, if you could share with the listeners where they can find you and learn more about you and connect with you.
Michaela Lambert: Yeah, for sure. For sure. So, my website is www.yoursecondsoulmate.com, and I’m also on Instagram @thesavvygoddess, and I’m on Facebook under my name Michaela Lambert. I’m more than happy to connect with you there in any of those places.
Amanda Testa: Beautiful, well, thank you so much, Michaela. I know you mentioned as well that you had a guide that you were gonna direct people to.
Michaela Lambert: Oh, yes! Yeah, for sure. For sure. Thanks for the reminder. Yeah, so I have this short guide (about ten pages long), and it’s called The Five Secrets to Midlife Dating, and in it there are also some journal prompts to really help you get that clarity of what you're looking for, and there are just some really quite juicy tips in there, and you can find that if you head to my website at www.yoursecondsoulmate.com!
Amanda Testa: Beautiful! Thank you so much, and I just so enjoyed talking with you. I’m so excited for all of this amazing work that you're doing, and thank you all, too, for everyone listening.
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