Sexy Rituals for Self Confidence
with Amanda Testa
If you are looking for some fun ways to increase your sexy confidence, then you're going to love this episode because I'm going to be diving into some sexy rituals for self-confidence and how pleasure and tuning into yourself boosts your self esteem.
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Hello, and welcome to the podcast. It's Amanda here. And if you are looking for some fun ways to increase your sexy confidence, then you're going to love this episode because I'm going to be diving into some sexy rituals for self-confidence and why pleasure and tuning into yourself creates confidence. So welcome, and thank you so much for listening. I am just reflecting it's July and July is one of my favorite months because, it's my birthday, my mom's birthday, my anniversary, and my daughter's birthday. I have a lot of celebrating in July and also I just love this culmination energy of summer. And I really try to work with that cycle of being able to enjoy more time to play and to be with my family. And I just feel so much joy and pleasure when I can start my day being outside. I treated myself to a flower CSA, which has been so fun to go pick up the flowers at this gorgeous farm and just treat myself to beauty like surrounding myself with beauty does so much to make me feel good.
And when I feel good, I have more confidence, right? These little things add up. So when you can reconnect to what brings you pleasure, it also connects you to this internal power within that we all have access to, we have this internal blueprint of health. We all have it. And throughout life, you know, things that happen, leave these imprints, these traumatic imprints that can sometimes make it harder to live life from this blueprint, blueprint place I mean, maybe more often defaulting to the imprints, right? Maybe we were dimming. Maybe we were afraid to ask for what we need. Maybe we're afraid to show up fully. Maybe we are, are alternatively, like meeting all our needs ourselves. We're hypervigilant. We don't trust other people. Right? All these things are ways that we disconnect from what brings us pleasure and joy and, you know, and it can be, you know, and it's also having a lot of compassion and understanding for yourself if this is the case, because it's so common and it's so, you know, it's so normal for us to be, and the society that we live in, it's so focused on, you know, being productive and just extracting every single thing it can.
And, you know, it's, it's a, it's a challenging environment in which we live. Let's be honest. So it's no wonder that we struggle. It's definitely not, not our fault. And so what we can do though, is we can create these little rhythms, these little rituals throughout our day throughout our lives, that add up to a lot more stability and pleasure and joy. And from there, it's so much easier to feel confident because when you're doing things that you enjoy, when you're doing things that make you feel good, it shows on many levels, right? And so I'm going to share a few, a few small things that I love to do. And obviously I dive much deeper into this when I work with clients and in my programs. But for now, I just want to give you just some fun things you can play with.
Because again, I find curiosity and play to be a really beautiful way to try something new on, right. There's no right or wrong way to do it. You can see if it resonates, if it doesn't no big deal, try something else and just have fun with it. And I, and I know I've talked on the podcast before of why I do believe rituals are so powerful and important is because it creates like this deeper reverence around what you're doing. It can take the most ordinary tasks and add an intention, add some reverence to it, add a little bit of sacred intention and it transforms the experience, right? And so when we create these rituals, we're also working with a deeper part of our brain. So more of us comes online. There's like this little alert to our subconscious, like, huh, this must be something important I should pay attention.
And so I think that is one of the reasons I love ritual so much. And also, you know, like anything can be a ritual. It can be the most simple things, but it's just having that, that intention behind it, that sacred intention. And first of all, what I love to do and what I invite my clients to do is to create a ritual space for regular practice, right? And this ritual space can look like anything you want it to, right. It could be, you know, a small little tray on your bedside table. It could be a, a room that you have all to yourself. That's a pretty luxurious thing. So maybe not everyone has access to that, but, you know, maybe it's when I remember when my daughter was little and she would get into everything, I had this little box that I would put in a drawer.
And then when I would want to practice, I would pull it out and lovingly like pull everything out and set it up into an altar that was representative of the things that were important to me, that I was calling in. And so I think there's these little things that you can do to create a ritual space can be simple.Maybe it's just, you're casting an energetic ring around where you're sitting. Maybe you light a candle, maybe you play some music, whatever it is, right. Just something to add a little more reverence, to slow down a little to drop in. And I think slowing down so, so helpful. And I get it sometimes slowing down can be hard, especially if you default to anxiety and high energy. That's definitely my go-to sometimes that functional, slow can be challenging for me.
So this is why I love having this ritual. So then this ritual space. So then even, even if I'm nearby or if I'm walking by, it just reminds me of what my intentions are. And it reminds me too, that that's important to me and why I make the time for it, because I know that's something that comes up a lot. It's like, oh, this sounds great, but how do I make time? And it's really about being intentional with what you're doing. So that's what, that's why I love ritual so much.
The next thing would be something that I love to do, especially if you're working with your sexuality or your sensuality or coming more into your body is perhaps creating you know, some important pieces gathering some things that are important around that, right? Creating a sensuality alter, if you will honoring your intention.
So maybe there are certain things that you want to add that are representative of what you want to bring in, right? Maybe, maybe it's some specific crystals or maybe it is a picture that is symbolic to you, or maybe it's, you know, something from nature that elicits that from me and maybe some flowers, right? Maybe it's a candle tapping into that fire, right? So just whatever it is, you can easily create these altars from things that inspire you, right? And maybe there are certain things in your tradition that are, that are sacred and important that you want to add. But I think even just going outside and tuning in, if there are certain things that call to you, you know, just follow those whims, that's how we can learn to listen to our intuition. And, you know, I had a wonderful woman on the podcast, Raven Rose.
It was awhile ago, but she I did a beautiful class with her on working with plants and, you know, really being able to listen to the plants and listen to the vibration of the plants. And that might sound a little woo to you, but there is something to being able to tune in to what resonates with you and know that if you're drawn to something there's probably a reason. Right. And obviously don't take anything unless, you know, it's okay to take, right. Some places you can't pick flowers just make sure that you're being respectful. Of where you are. Uso yeah, just be, you know, maybe pulling some things from nature. And if that's something that turns you on,umaybe it's maybe a certain color that turns you on and you want to add that, right. So there's many ways to do it.
And then the beautiful thing about this sensuality altar or this ritual space that you've created is that, that is just the reminder that, okay, this is important to me. I'm going to spend time every day. Maybe it's two minutes, maybe it's an hour. It's just whatever time you have to devote. And even if it's just a few minutes every day, that's enough to just connect with that and tune in. Okay. So here are the things I want. These are the things that I'm desiring. These are the aspects of me I want to shine more light on what, what, what what's coming to me, that's inspiring in that area, right? It can be that simple, maybe doing some journaling and just, maybe it's standing here and doing a dance, right. Maybe, you know, just sitting here and maybe making a daily celebration of, okay, here's what I did today that was in service of these desires that I have.
I think we don't celebrate enough and our brains have this negativity bias wired in. So it can be really easy to go down the rabbit hole versus focusing on what you are doing, because really those small, consistent steps over time, add up. I mean, there's so many studies about this, but it's so true. And I know there's a great book that I've mentioned before called Tiny Habits by BJ Fogg. He's a behavioral scientist atStanford, but you know, just how we get the small, sometimes the small, easy things are the best. And one of the reasons is because it's more likely that we do it and we want to have goals that are doable so that we feel good when we achieve them. Right. So that's why I love a daily celebration. And when you celebrate, seek it like, oh man, today, I really let my hot tea moment sink in.
Right, right. Or when I drank my coffee this morning, I really let it sink in. I like enjoyed the smell, enjoyed the warmth. On my hand, I enjoyed the process of making it, the looking at my mug. I enjoyed it. , Just being in that moment. I'm so celebrating myself for that. Right. Or today when my daughter was losing it, I took three breaths and I was able to give myself a minute before I reacted. And then I remembered, okay, I'm willing to be a loving parent. I'm willing to try something different and was able to respond in a totally different way than I normally would have. This is amazing. Totally celebrating myself for that bragging on yourself as it's such a, it's such a turn on and it can be challenging to do I get that, but it can be such a turn on and letting it like sink in like that.
Right. Like I mentioned before, maybe doing some movement daily movement to invite in and celebrate things that you do appreciate about yourself, no matter how small, or if you can't actually do the movement, maybe just visualize your body moving in that way or visualize the energetic, the energetics of that space coming alive or feeling turned on or feeling whatever it is that you want. And so if you're able, one of the things that I love to do, one of my favorite things to do, if I'm like just wanting to feel a little more confident or feel a little more empowered is to do like some full body stomps invoking in , in like power and fire and a will and even destruction if needed, like calling in. Maybe if there's a, something that is reverent to you in that area that, that feels resonant. Right.
So, and then just like stomping.I take my right arm and my right leg up and I'm just like, Ooh. And just stop it down and do the other side left arm, left leg, raise it up. And then, huh. And just like stop and like grunt and scream. And it can feel so good because it's a good way to metabolize things that might be sitting that might be stressing you out. That might be holding you back. You get your blood pumping a little bit and you change that environment in which you're sitting , It makes such a difference. It feels so good. And then the final thing that I want to share, well, there's a couple more, I might be riffing a little bit. I'm going off my notes. That's okay. Like journaling, I know some people love journaling.
Some people hate journaling. Maybe you just want to draw, I I'm a hit or miss with journaling because I, I, my brain works so much faster than my hand goes. So often I like to type in my journal and like, I use a Google doc and I have my morning musings and I just type it away. Or, you know, some days I will have my journal and I'll write or draw, but you know, just some things to think about as you're building confidence as you're building. And I actually did a great Facebook live about this. I think it might still be my group on self-worth. But anyways, so when you think about some questions that can support you in confidence, number one would be, you know, what are some things that you appreciate about yourself? What are some things you enjoy about yourself? What are some qualities about yourself that you are proud of, right? What are your values? What can you appreciate about yourself?
Those are such good questions. And then, you know, what are you good at? When are you really in your element? What are some things that just light you up? And you love to do that. You could just lose a whole day just being immersed in this activity. When you really feel in your element, what were you doing? And perhaps, how can you recreate elements of that experience more often? Perhaps what are some challenges in your life that you've overcome or some bad-ass things you've done in your life? It can be really empowering to just make a list of all the things that you've done in your life that you're proud of. Because sometimes we do not give ourselves enough credit. And that's why I sometimes think it can be helpful to even when you make your list, like put it in a Google doc or somewhere you can refer to it.
And then when you're having a rough day, you go to that list and you just read all the things. Maybe asking a few people that you love, some things they, that they appreciate about you just plumping up that blueprint of health, of receptivity, of like connecting to what is good, right. Things that you have done, things that, you know, you can do. And maybe it's little things like maybe it was hard as you know, it was so hard this past week, but guess what I like got up every day and I put my clothes on, that's bad-ass right. It could be anything.
Even those like questions like that can be supportive to journal on and then re reference them. I, you know, some, a long, long time ago, one of my mentors when I first started working professionally, you know, like 30 years ago whenver it was, told me you should start saving all the client testimonials that you get all the things that you receive that make you feel good, thank you, notes or this, that, and the other. And so I started this folder of like all these positive things that people we're saying, and I've kept that for years. And it's so great because when you have that kind of external evidence, sometimes there's part of our brain. That's just not wanting to take it in because someone could tell us 25 great things about ourselves and maybe one negative thing. And then we will hone in on that one negative thing.
That's that negativity bias that we are wired towards. So it's so important to be like, no, I'm going to choose to focus on the things that I know that people have said, right? You cannot, you can't deny if someone has written a note calling out some of your strengths, right? You have evidence. And so, you know, creating that evidence can be important. One of my coaches, once Avery Ford called talked about having this evidence journal, and I appreciated that because it is, you know, when you have these evidence of things that you are doing well, it just plumps you up plumps up that, oh yeah, I can do this. Oh yeah. I am freaking pretty awesome. Oh yeah. I am a good person. Oh, wow. I've done all these cool things. Right. So then that pumps up your confidence. And the more often these things come together, the more that you're sitting in a new, a new empowered place inside yourself, so that you, you show up in this way more often than not.
You've kind of, there's this more whole approach to who you are and how you show up. And this is why I feel like sexuality is a big piece of this because this is historically, especially for women or people socialized as a women in our culture. This is, you know, something that we've been really disconnected from - our bodies, what our bodies are capable of, you know, even being in a female body or, having a pussy, there's oppression there. And so there's a lot that we hold and it often can be in our sexual center. And so these kinds of things over time, we don't realize it, but can be holding us back from our wholeness. So when we integrate all these different pieces of ourselves and just plump up, what's good plump up that blueprint that we all have within us, then there's more health overall.
There's more integration, there's more wholeness. And I think that is such a powerful thing, which leads to confidence. So hopefully some of these sexy rituals have peaked some inspiration in you. And maybe there's some that you'd like to try on, and I'd love to hear how that goes for you. And if you love this type of thing, then stay tuned because I'm going to be doing a super fun challenge coming up in a few weeks. That's going to be all around igniting this sensual superstar, this sexual superstar within you. So you can be on the lookout for that. If you're on my email list, make sure you're on there. Cause that's where I'm going to send out all the information www.amandatesta.com/sensuality/ And that will also share with you a beautiful ritual you can do in your beautiful ritual space that you have created next to your beautiful sensuality altar.
If you choose to do that as well. And thank you again for listening. I so appreciate you listening. And I really want to just let you know that this podcast is such a joy to create. I think I'm coming up on almost 200 episodes, which there's going to be something fun coming up for that too. I think that's going to be in the, you know, probably late fall, early winter when I hit 200 episodes, but it's close and I couldn't do it without all your support. So thank you again for always listening if this is something that lights you up, please share with a friend, or if you haven't yet written me a review on iTunes or apple podcasts, please give me a five star review. And you know, if there's any words that you'd like to share that you appreciated, please send that in too because it really does help the listenership. It helps the podcast grow and I am so very grateful. So wishing you so much love maybe if it feels good right now, perhaps taking three deep breaths into your low belly. Maybe even just noticing in this moment, what might, what might be one of these that I want to try on? Is there one of these rituals I want to play with? All right. See you next week.