Go From Shut Down
To Turned on
with Amanda Testa
Are you longing to reignite your passion, feel more desire, and enhance your intimate connections?
In this week's Find Your Feminine Fire podcast episode, I'm revisiting my very first episode, from six years ago!
In the premiere episode, I share vulnerably about my personal journey from feeling disconnected and overwhelmed to sensually alive and deeply connected to myself and my relationship.
Tune in to discover how to embrace your pleasure, heal your relationship with your sexuality, and step into your true, confident self.
This enlightening conversation, hosted by my dear friend Rachel Rose, is filled with practical tips and compassionate advice, guiding you to rekindle your inner flame.
Whether you're feeling overwhelmed by life's demands or seeking to deepen your relationships, tune in and you'll gain a lot of inspo from this episode!
Listen below, or tune in via: Apple Podcasts, Spotify or your fave pod player.
(Complete transcript below)
JOIN IN THE DISCUSSION ON THIS EPISODE AND MORE IN MY FREE FACEBOOK GROUP, FIND YOUR FEMININE FIRE HERE.
Would you please take a moment and give us some feedback on the podcast here? You'll get a special gift as a Thank you for your time.
Want to connect with Rachel Rose? Find her on Instagram @rachel.irene.rose.
Want more support from Amanda? Schedule a confidential 1-1 call with Amanda here.
In this 45 min call, we’re going to identify your #1 block to pleasure, why it’s showing up in the way it is, and what to do to turn it around.
After doing this work for almost a decade, I can quickly identify the patterns holding you back, and show you the steps to change it.
Permission to reach out even if it feels scary. Permission to reach out even if you aren’t even sure you want to do this work. Permission to reach out to explore if this is right for you, no strings or pushy sales tactics here.
Amanda Testa (00:01):
Happy Saturday. This morning I decided to listen to the very first episode of my podcast. I have something exciting in the works that's going to be happening late February, early March, which is super thrilling to stay tuned for that. But as I was preparing, I decided, you know what? I'm going to go back and listen to my very first podcast episode. That was six years ago, and I loved it. It cracked me up because first of all, not much has changed and everything has changed, right as we go through these evolutions, even in every so many years, things shift, and I was cracking up because my dear friend Rachel, interviewed me for this podcast when I first started it, kind of asking more about why did I start Find Your Feminine Fire? And it really made me remember, because sometimes after doing this for so long, I've been doing this work for a decade now, and so much has changed in my own life.
But just really going back to that moment when I was so shut down sexually and just so disconnected from myself, and it actually made me emotional because I think being so far away from that, sometimes I know how that is because so many of my clients are in that position where they are feeling disconnected from themselves, feeling shut down, feeling disconnected from their partner, feeling depressed and just stuck. And I had to just have a come to Jesus moment with myself. I remember this one morning and I talk about it in the podcast. I'll share the link below because I'm going to re-release this podcast. I thought it was so great to just hear this again. I was like, what? It really took for me and my journey to move from shutdown to sexually empowered and to really loving every inch of my body, and how even just as recently as September turning 50 brought on a whole new slew of things and really having to go back and use my tools to reconnect to myself and to fall in love with myself again.
Because our culture teaches us so much about what things are supposed to be like, and this is when you're in your prime or this is what makes you beautiful and all this bullshit, which none of it is true, but it's very easy to let it in, but can't do that, right? We have to remember what's true for us, but just kind of going back down this memory lane of remembering that and how every year I just get more inspired to help others because I know what things can look like on the other side. Right now I'm on the other side. And yes, when I hit setbacks, I have the tools to get myself through it, to move through when it's hard, and to have really good communication with my husband so that we can stay connected and in love and
We have so much fun together. We prioritize our relationship and really treat it like a special gift because it is. We both feel like this is a gift that we get to nourish the gift of us finding each other in this billions and billions of people in the world. And we have this amazing connection. And because we nourish it and because we nurture it, it continues to grow and our sex life continues to grow and it gets better and more deeply connected and more fun, and we still get so excited when we get to spend time together. We love each other. We just want to enjoy and soak up the goodness of one another and how that used to not be possible for me, even though I thought things were great. Now, on the other side, I realize, wow, they were not, I was putting on a good show.
I was great at acting. I was great at pretending everything was fine when it wasn't. I was Pollyanna. My husband jokes like, you're Pollyanna. And he used to be like, stop being like that. I'm sure now he regrets it in some ways because I am 100% authentic with what is true, and I do not force myself to do things I don't want to do or say yes when my body is a no. Even today, we were going to have some alone time and we had planned to connect, and I was just like, I'm not feeling great today. I woke up with a migraine. I'm about to start my period any minute. I'm just not wanting to be touched. And so we just laid in the bed and talked and laughed, and that was our connection for today. So doesn't always, it's not always toe curling orgasms.
Sometimes it is, right? Yesterday it was, today was not. But that's the thing. It's listening to our bodies and what it needs. This is a big thing I learned. Anyways, I'm blabbing now, but I also was laughing at the end of the episode. I was sharing all these, my friend Rachel, she was like, okay, this might be hard. We're really good friends, but I want you to share with me some things you don't know about me. And again, that took me back to, wow, how many times have I needed to make things shift in my life? And I've done it, and it's not always easy. It is not always easy, but trusting that inner voice in me, like that inner blueprint of health. It's like, this is the way forward. This is what you have to do. And sometimes that voice is just a peep, but I know it's in there.
And just trusting myself and listening to it has made all the difference in my life. And so I just want to share this with you in case you are looking to shift or you're feeling that little voice that's like, this isn't right. Things need to shift, or I need to make some changes. And realizing it doesn't have to be huge. You can take baby steps and baby steps make a huge shift. So needless to say, I'm going to put this podcast in below, and I want you to listen to it because it just really talks to you more about why I do what I do and what was my story around it, and how I really went from this on the outside Southern Bell
Debutante who had to unlearn a ton of things, that just right there in those three sentences can tell you how much I'm un learning. I had to do on so many different levels, holy moly. But how I was able to really connect with my authentic self and be able to express that and be happy in it and how it's shifted my life in so many good ways and some fun things you never knew about me, you're going to laugh. Okay? So enjoy this. I'm going to share this below. And yeah, I'd love to hear too your feedback. What are some of the things that you really appreciate about your own journey? We all have things that we've learned along the way, and I'd love to know if you want to share something below about something you're proud of in your own journey. I would love to hear a celebration. You can post it below. All right, have a beautiful Saturday.
Amanda Testa (00:01):
You are listening to Find Your Feminine Fire, the podcast where we talk sex, love, and relationships, and all things that light you up from the inside out. I'm your host, Amanda Testa. Thanks so much for being here today.
Welcome to the Find Your Feminine Fire podcast. This is your host, Amanda Testa, and today I really wanted to talk to you about why I'm here and what this podcast is about. And I was so thrilled that my dear friend and colleague, Rachel Rose, agreed to interview me today. And she's a confidence coach for entrepreneurs, female entrepreneurs and coaches, and she's just an amazing, amazing person and has been on my journey with me for many years. And she's also the host of the HIT podcast Ripen, and we always have really delicious juicy conversations. So I thought what better person to get this party start? So thank you Rachel so much.
Rachel Rose (00:58):
You're welcome. Thank you for that lovely introduction and this opportunity to have another juicy, yummy conversation. So I guess I'll be leading charge here, which is kind of fun. I get to be in charge on your podcast. Yum. And yeah, I'm just so thrilled to get to have this opportunity to interview you and get to share a little bit more about your awesome, yummy juiciness with your audience.
To kick us off, I'd just love to hear a little bit about how you got started doing this work and what your journey looked like to get here to where you're today.
Amanda Testa (01:39):
Yes, beautiful. So my journey began many years ago and I think what really hit me the hardest was when my daughter was around two years old. I just remember waking up feeling super resentful and annoyed before the day even began. And as soon as I would hear that first cry, I was just irritated and anything that would happen after that point, I just woke up in a bad mood. And even though I was trying to do all the right things, I was a personal trainer and trainer, had trainer a workout class that I led for moms and was doing all these things for myself that I thought were healthy and they were very healthy and they helped me a lot, but I realized something was really missing. And even though my husband and I have a great relationship, we've always connected and had a really beautiful partnership, I just was very unhappy and something was just not right, and I just never really wanted to connect.
I didn't really have libido, I was depressed and I needed something to change. And so I remember that morning just looking in the mirror and being like, this cannot be my life. This really cannot be all there is because this really why I decided to leave my cushy corporate job and be a stay-at-home mom. And I was like, I cannot live my life this way. So I realized that some things needed to change and I talked to my husband about it. I was like, I've just got to find some support. One of the things I did was I hired a coach and that helped me tremendously and just really getting clear on what I wanted. And secondly, I found this course that I thought I would take to spice things up in the bedroom. And little did I know it would change the course of my entire life.
I stumbled upon these ancient teachings that were pretty incredible. And through learning more about Tantra and Taoism and sexuality and doing all this work, I realized it was really healing things at the root. And for me, I'd done years and years of personal growth and development. You could call me one of those personal growth and development junkies. I did all the courses and went to all the Tony Robbins things and did a million seminars and read all the books. I mean, literally, I probably read about a hundred books at least on personal growth and development. And I found that these things are all great. But when I really started looking into my sexuality and kind of healing things at the root, it was so profound and so healing more than anything I'd ever done, which is why I decided, you know what? This is work that needs to be shared with every woman. And this is my calling. I want to introduce this to other women and have it be something that's not scary, have it something that's safe and realize, you know what? It's just like going to the dentist or brushing your teeth, your sexual self-care is just part of your holistic health.
Yes, and I agree with you now completely, but I do have to, there's a couple things that came up from what you shared, but I really want to take us back to that moment when you woke up. This cannot be my life because we actually met during that time.
Amanda Testa (04:54):
Oh, that's right.
Rachel Rose (04:56):
And I have an in it. So first of all, we're on audio now, but I'm actually looking at video of Amanda with her beautiful earrings and her lipstick and her glowing, and I just could bask in her beautiful face and not talk at all. But I have a very clear memory of the first day that we met and we were at this coffee shop in Denver for a little woman's group, and I can see you arms crossed, maybe no makeup on, just kind of in this sort of shell or just in this kind of heavy place. It wasn't the shell necessarily, but this heavy kind of disconnected place. And it's just remarkable. You seem like a different person, but in this way that you're so much more yourself. Does that feel true?
Amanda Testa (05:45):
That does feel true. And that's amazing that you reminded me of that because that is another thing that I did at that time was join that book club that we were in. And I do recall, I remember the first day I showed up there, I think I was just, I cried the whole time. I think
I wasn't going to say that, but yourself. That's okay.
Amanda Testa (06:07):
But just the change that I do agree, I do feel like a totally different person and so many good ways. But also knowing that's not an overnight journey and that you have to accept that to get to the next level. You're going to have to go through some dark times and they don't have to be forever. But knowing that there is light at the end of the tunnel and to get through that shadow is what takes you to get to the light at the other side. And then every time you go through a different, it's like peeling an onion. People say that, but it's true. You get through this level and then this other version of yourself, which is more true to who you really are, emerges. So yeah, that does feel true.
Rachel Rose (06:47):
And I feel so inspired by you. And so just excited to see, excited that excited that you really committed to yourself in that moment that things were going to change and you just really did whatever it took to get there and to experience this new truth of you. And I have a couple of questions about that, but the one that's coming up is what's the best part of all this juicy growth and change that you've experienced?
Amanda Testa (07:18):
Yes. I can tell you for me what the best part is is being at home in my body, really feeling at home in my body. And it's such a divine gift in that I think for me that is the hugest thing, just feeling so comfortable, so confident, so happy, so much joy and pleasure and so much more energy in general.
Rachel Rose (07:41):
So good. It's so true. Oh my God. Not being at war with your body and just being at home with her and in love with her is the best thing ever. So what's coming up for me is for sure, when I first started learning about sexuality, I think the idea that it was the root, that it was the thing, you're a personal growth junkie. I'm a personal growth junkie. I think a lot of women were searching and we're reading and we're listening to things. I think there was a way in which it was intimidating, I guess, because I was really pretty sexually shut down. I wasn't really experiencing any pleasure in my own sex life with my lovely husband, but my body was just shut down. And so I think I felt like I didn't have a sexuality, like, oh, that's nice that those women are doing that, but that's not really going to work for me. Or just it felt intimidating, scary, and intimidating. So just wondering for our listeners what you would have to say around that, because there might be some women feeling that way.
Amanda Testa (08:45):
And I think that's a good thing to point out too, because sexuality doesn't just mean sex. It's so much more than that. I think of it as an energy. It's an energy that we can cultivate and then use for anything that we want. It doesn't have to. I mean, yes, if you want it to be for sex, that's amazing, but it doesn't have to be. And that it's just the way that we feel about that part of ourselves. I mean, it's a primal part of who we are. Just like eating, drinking water, shelter, clothing, sexuality is a huge part of who we are as humans, and we can't just shut that part of ourselves down and think that everything else will be fine. And I think that many times we don't even realize that it's an issue. Things maybe just dandy or things are fine and you don't even give it much thought, and that's fine too. But if you are curious and want to learn more about it, it's so worth diving into because I find that you may not even realize the messages that you have or that society has given us how they show up in your body. And I think that is the big key, is really getting connected to your body, what the messages it has to say are, and listening and learning how to do that and through the sexuality is a big way of how you do that. At least in my experience.
Rachel Rose (10:05):
And I had this experience, and I think maybe this is what you're saying too, that really nothing helped me love and accept and embody my body sexuality work. It was like all of the, I love myself, affirmations in the mirror, heady stuff that I had tried. We read Renee Brown, we read, read all the books, and it was just like a theory, but actually laying down with yourself is that's the game changer.
Amanda Testa (10:42):
And really being able to look at all parts of your body and feel gratitude and beauty when you see it and not feel ashamed. I mean, that's who we are. It's part of our anatomy. It's a beautiful part of who we are and how we were created. And women, I feel so grateful to be a woman because we're such amazingly complex, glorious creatures. Totally. Yeah.
Rachel Sizemore (11:08):
And there's this way in which the way culture has kind of disconnected us or put us at war with our bodies, it's like dimm and our shine. It's taking our power to put us at war with our bodies. It's really kind of radical to say, I'm going to try and create a new relationship with my body,
Amanda Testa (11:27):
And I can see how the part that's intimidating, you mentioned that earlier, kind of addressing this work is intimidating. I knew for myself it was super intimidating and although I feel like I always felt like my husband and I had to find sex life, we do, and we did. But it's so much more amazing now. I mean, it's exponentially better and there's so much more depth to it and so much more connection, and we just keep growing deeper and deeper. Our relationship gets better every day, and we just really respect it for the gift that it's so that too has been huge. I think on this journey is that realizing this can be sexuality can just be a container for so much. It's not just for pleasure, obviously that's a great part of it, but it's for connection and it's for that vital part of us that as humans, we long for connection. And you have to find that first by connecting to what you desire, what you want in life, what do you even want? Secondly, connecting to your body and feeling really at home and connected to your body. And third, connecting to the people that surround you.
It may seem scary, but it's really not. It's very simple actually.
Rachel Rose (12:42):
And what would you say to the person who's like, I don't have any feeling or sensation. This sounds lovely, but this is not, I'm not a sexual person, or this isn't possible for me because that's kind of how I felt at first when I started.
Amanda Testa (12:57):
I would say you just have to start and be accepting of where you are in this moment and knowing that we all start somewhere. And the beauty is of the acceptance of where you are now and making little steps along the way to make change. I feel like anything, it's baby steps, whether it's your health, whatever it is, maybe start drinking more water and start taking walks that's going to help your health, your sexuality, the same thing. You can start with little baby steps that aren't too overwhelming. Maybe just listening to your body and maybe just literally putting your hands on your lower belly and just feeling what that feels like. What does it feel like to touch your own skin? What does it feel like to touch your face gently getting into your just sensations, your sensuality? That is such a baby step is your five senses. So I would say you can start small and know that every little bit of the way is going to take you to where you want to be. It's like the, what is that book that I read that was so good? The Slight Edge? I think basically a two degree shift and how that makes such a huge impact in the long run. It's like just two degrees.
Rachel Rose (14:09):
I love what you're sharing because you're just saying get into your body. Just start. It's all ego. It's all fear-based stories. Oh, I don't have this. It's not possible for me, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And you're just saying, yeah, that can all be there and just be with yourself. Just hold your lower belly and see how that feels. And I think, oh, it's so beautiful and exactly right. We can just have all the stories and be like, cool. I'm just going to take this first little baby step. Yeah, so good. So tell me a little bit more about this podcast, what the hopes and dreams are for it. What's the yumminess?
Amanda Testa (14:53):
Well, the reason I started this podcast, number one is that I really want to open up these conversations around sexuality. I feel like it's something that so many women are afraid to talk about or only talk about behind closed doors. And I just want to open it up and let people know this is a safe thing to talk about. This is a normal thing to talk about. This is an everyday conversation. It doesn't have to be something that there's shame around or that I want to make it easy and accessible. And I also just feel so grateful that I'm surrounded with so many amazing women who have done work in this area, and I want to really showcase what is possible. And I have so many amazing women that I've interviewed and their story of how they went from feeling disconnected and numb to having this thriving sexuality or thriving career or creativity and just how things can shift positively when you do this work. So that is the purpose of Find Your Feminine Fire podcast. And I really just want people to know that this conversation is so important and it's so needed now more than ever.
Oh, I completely agree. And it feels so lovely to have this safe space to be having this conversation. So then even if you are feeling a little intimidated or overwhelmed or whatever, you can just start with listening and getting curious. Well, what are these crazy women doing? And they're like, well, that's kind of intriguing. Oh, okay, well, here's this simple way to get started. And yeah, you're creating that beautiful safe space for this conversation. And that's so needed. Thank
Amanda Testa (16:28):
You. And I really have such amazing experts that have come on and just shared so many great easy implementable tips. And I really feel like having the opportunity to showcase the variety of ways this can show up in your life and the variety of ways you can work with it, so it's not just a one size fits all kind of approach. Everyone's different. And so maybe I'll resonate with you, maybe someone else will resonate with you, but just to let you know that there's plenty of resources out there should you decide to get more curious.
Rachel Rose (17:05):
And that is one of the things about sexuality work. I feel like it's just curiosity upon curiosity. Oh, what is, yes, totally. I'm just feeling like I want to know a little bit more about what you do with your clients. Can I ask you that?
Amanda Testa (17:29):
Of course. So my main client base I would say is moms. I work with a lot of moms to reconnect to their libido and their sexuality and who they are as a woman after having kids, because I know from my own experience, that was a huge thing. It just feeling disconnected. It's such a huge shift as a woman to turn into a mother and that comes along with so much and just every single trigger coming at you with a kid, all that stuff comes up. And so that is what I specialize with is just really helping moms. But then through that, obviously I work with a lot of other women and many times then couples as well, because women have had such awesome results and then they want their husbands to get on board. And so it really is amazing how this work just opens up relationships to yourself and just watching women blossom, it's incredible. Really is
Rachel Rose (18:25):
Yes, it's so good. And you're totally right. I think it's true. You get to start to create this growth for yourself. And it's kind of a common theme that I see where we as women have a lot of support. We're growing, we're expanding. We start to access some of that yumminess, and then we're like, oh, this guy, crap, I love him and all, but come on buddy. Have you seen that with your
Amanda Testa (18:55):
Clients? Oh yes, of course. And I think one of the things that's interesting is that the more they see you kind of stepping into your own and really making yourself a priority, they actually get more out of it as well in the end, because you're more vibrant to be around, you're more fun, you're kinder, there's more harmony in the home. You are better with your kids. The communication piece is so big too, with your kids so you can communicate better. You're are just more available for them too, because when your cup is full, this is such a common phrase, but it's so true. You have to take care of yourself first before you take care of others, and giving women permission that yes, you are important. Yes, taking care of yourself should come first. This is huge. So against what we've been taught in our society that as a woman, you should come first.
That is not what we're taught. And so taking that step for yourself and giving yourself that permission, I'm giving you permission, everyone listening, put yourself first. You have permission. And then when you do that, everyone else benefits. And then typically, I'll tell you, nine times out of 10, the husbands come along because they want to know more, and they see the change in you and the change in your energy, and then you have the opportunity to help them, to help awaken them at a deeper level. But it all starts with yourself, all the healing in the world, every change that happens has to start with you. You are the example for everyone in your family, and especially as a mom, that's important. You are teaching your kids, you are teaching your daughters how they should treat themselves. You're teaching your sons how they should treat women. It is really important.
Oh, so important. We learn as kids, we learn what our moms do more than anything. And so it's like, yeah, if you're struggling to find the permission to take care of yourself just because you're worth it, it's like, yeah. Also because you're teaching your kids, and I think you're right, it is a common phrase, but it needs to be said because we're still not doing it. What would you say to the piece that's like, I feel guilty for doing that. I feel like I don't even know where to start. I'm so busy. I'm so overwhelmed.
Amanda Testa (21:16):
And that's so common. And the number one thing is just to, like I said earlier, just accept where you are. I know that's okay. And it can start as simply as making a list. What do I want? I always tell, I know we love this practice is what do you want? And literally taking out a piece of paper and set a timer for 10 minutes on your phone and just answer that question for yourself. Maybe it's a cup of coffee, maybe it's a trip to Bora Bore or whatever it is, but giving yourself that opportunity to even dream and think that way, because many of us don't even take the time to do that. I mean, I know for a while there, I wouldn't even go to the bathroom. I had to pee mad, but there was a million thing else to do, so I wouldn't even pee.
I mean, come on. You got to take care of your own biological needs. And I'm sure that now I actually will be a couple minutes late if I need to run into the bathroom before I'd go somewhere. I'm going to do that where I wouldn't before. So I mean those kinds of simple things like taking care of your basic needs. You need a cup of water, get a cup of water, don't leave the house. You can be a couple minutes late if you need that water for your trip. That's what I would say to start with is connecting to what you want. And it's not easy and learning it's okay to receive. And feeling that part of you that feels guilty, just holding that peace and just accepting it and allowing it to be there, knowing that it's probably just trying to keep you safe in a way. All the parts of us that show up in resistance to what we want, it's typically because they're trying to keep us safe and in what we know and the status quo. And so change whenever we change parts of ourselves that really don't want that to happen because it's not what scared, but just again, I said before the baby steps and just reassuring that guilty part of you along the way that this is better for everyone. This is better for everyone.
Rachel Rose (22:57):
Yeah, I love that. It's like self-soothing. Just being able to kind of hear that voice that's like guilty. You shouldn't be taking this time for yourself and just reminding yourself, no, actually this works. Actually, I deserve this. Actually when I'm feeling good, the whole family feels better. And to just keep reminding yourself. Yeah, because it's so true.
Amanda Testa (23:20):
Rachel Rose (23:22):
Preach. Preach. It's just so true. So I have this kind of fun idea that I thought I would kind of pepper you with some quick fiery questions that I thought would be kind of fun. So let's see. Tell me three things that you love about yourself.
Amanda Testa (23:47):
Ooh, that's a good one. I love my smile. I feel like I have a really jovial persona that helps people feel really loved and comfortable, and I really love that about myself. I also love this curve of my armpit where it hits the top of my breast. I just love that curve so very much. And I love all my parts. I really do love my whole entire body. I feel like now I can say that and actually mean it deep in my bones. It feels so good. That to me is a huge blessing right there.
Rachel Rose (24:24):
So good. Yeah, I'm like, I could tell all the things I love about you, but those are some good ones. Okay. Tell me three things about what you do that you wish people understood, that you wish people understood better.
Amanda Testa (24:44):
That's a great question.
I think just letting them know that it's not that hard and it's simple things. It's simple ways to really embody the things you want, not just mentally, but in your body as well, through breath, through using your body, through getting all parts of your brain on board. And I feel like a lot of people are intimidated by this work and think it's weird, but it's really simple. It's not that, I mean, it's deep and it requires commitment, but it's not scary. It doesn't have to be scary. It can be fun, and I'm pretty fun. No matter how deep and dark it may get, we always will make it fun.
Super fun. So yeah, I think it doesn't have to be hard. It can be simple. And the second thing that it actually can be fun. Anything else that you wish people understood about what you do and just
How transformational? It's just the difference I see in the women, how much more confident they are, how they drop weight without even trying how their relationships together, how they maybe switch jobs or get new careers or things start taking off in their lives. I mean, it is incredible the difference that I see before and after. And it's just, to me, I feel like such a powerful key and I'm grateful for the women who have chosen to go down that path with me and to be able to find their own keys. I like how we heard this once in one of our classes, that a great teacher will help you find your own keys. It's like they're not giving you the key. They don't own the key. You have the key just helping you find your keys again, so that you have all the tools you need, everything is within you. You already have everything you need. You're already perfect. You're already whole. You're just perfect as you are. It's just reminding yourself of that and finding your own keys to unlock that fire back within you.
Yes, and it feels so good to have a teacher who's like, bring me home to yourself. And I think it's really cool to actually sign up to have a coach and a teacher, because I think we get stuck in the theory, let me just read this next book. Let me just listen to this next thing. And really having a teacher and a coach is about, and doing the sexuality work too. It's about moving from theory into practice. It's like all the ideas and getting into the body with it. Yeah,
Amanda Testa (27:17):
I'm sure people can relate. How many times have you read a book and it got to the part where you had to do the work and you're like, oh, yeah, I'll get back to that. Yeah,
I'll do that next week.
Amanda Testa (27:25):
You never touch it again. And it's also just great to have someone reflect back to you and really guide you to go deeper and hold you in a way that is going to get you to go a little bit further than you would do on your own.
Yeah. Yes, definitely. Much further. Sometimes understatement a little further. Okay. Okay. Next one. This one's a good one. Tell me three areas of your own personal growth or that you're working on right now.
Amanda Testa (28:05):
Oh yeah, that's great. I love this because I think to be a teacher, I always have to practice what I preach and that is what I do. And so I've realized now the more self-aware I, I laugh to my husband. I have a queenly amount of time I need for myself. And so I have to schedule that in. And if I don't, I can tell a huge difference. So I have to schedule in at least four jeg practices a week. And that's one of the practices that I teach my woman. It's working with a yoni egg. So basically it's an egg made out of jade, and it's kind of like a yoga for your vagina basically. But it's so much more than that. Oh my god, so much more than that. And so that, another thing that's really important for me is scheduling in time to just be, because I am always so focused and driven and I have a million projects I work on at the same time, and so it's taking that time every day to focus. So that is the area for me. Where I'm really working on right now is just focusing on one thing at a time. Because as many years have, I thought I was a great multitasker, no, I'm really not.
Nothing gets done that way. So just really focusing on one thing at a time and asking myself that question every day, what is my focus? And coming back to that, when I start going down the a million squirrel pathways, I like to go down. So for me, that would be it, but it's making that time for myself. I'm really good about that. But the part that I'm not as good about is staying focused. So yeah,
Thank you for sharing that. It is kind of nice. See, we're human and it's a growth process and you experience lots of yumminess on the way, and also we're still growing.
Amanda Testa (29:50):
And also another thing too is constantly re-rooting in my own worthiness because I think as anyone out there, we always, there's a part of us that thinks we're not good enough or that thinks, oh wait, I need to be doing this. Or, oh, this person's got all this going on, and then maybe you'll compare yourself or whatever it may be. I know for myself, the way I combat that is by rerouting in my own worth, through just taking time to maybe breathe through that and find trust in the ground beneath me or whatever it is that I create for myself to reroute into that is key as well, because it's easy, especially as an entrepreneur to get caught up in the, oh, I need to be here, or, oh, this person's there and I need to be there. And that's what really helps me to kind of come back to my own worth. I'm perfect as I, I'm enough. What I'm doing is enough. So that to me is huge, and knowing when I need to reach out for help with that.
Rachel Rose (30:44):
So taking time to re-root, you mean taking time to reassure yourself and say, I am worthy. I am doing enough,
Amanda Testa (30:53):
And getting into some embodiment about that. Yeah. I love breathwork and you're an amazing breathwork teacher, a guide as well, and I really find that it's such a healing tool for me, and that is a way that, the thing about I love about breath work is that it basically kind of shuts off that cortical control so you can get into your body and you don't have all that noise going on, so your brain can actually hear what you're saying. The root part of you can hear what you're saying. And that's what I love about. So that's what I will do is literally breathe into my worthiness and if things come up, which they typically do, let it out through my moving, my body, shaking, screaming. I mean, I always joke the neighbors think I'm crazy, but that's just how we roll over here at Testa household.
Yeah. We're primal beings. Sometimes you need to sound and move and Yeah, so true. And I love what you're saying too, recognizing that sometimes you need to reach out and you need a little more support to reroute and to get back to that place of feeling yummy. And yeah, that's just how it goes sometimes.
Amanda Testa (32:01):
That to me is a big part of my healing journey as well, is being able to ask for and receive help. I remember even, I think I've told this story before, but when my daughter was born, you're not supposed to drive right after you have the baby. And I was bleeding like crazy, and I needed pads, and I didn't want to go out to the store, and then I didn't call anyone for help. I mean, I probably could have, but I didn't. So I just shoved some toilet paper in my pants and went along my day and I think back now, wow. I really needed some help and I didn't ask for it. There were many times where I really could have used some help and I didn't ask for it for whatever reason, and now I can easily ask for help when I need it, and then more importantly, let people help me. And realizing that we're not meant to do it alone. That's the other thing that our society has grown so away from is having that community of support and it's so important. And so you have to create that for yourself in some way and know that you have people that have your back.
Yeah, it's like the abundance we're seeking of love, of support of community. It's like we're seeking abundance, not realizing that asking and receiving or actually, if we were just willing to slow down and do that, the abundance would be there.
Amanda Testa (33:21):
Yeah. So good. So true. Okay, last one I have, and this one could be kind of tricky. We were very dear friends. Tell me three things that I do not know about you.
Amanda Testa (33:36):
Oh my goodness. That is fantastic. You know me so well. We've been through some deep transformation together. I think you know me better than most
Can just be some fun little things. It doesn't need to be like,
Amanda Testa (33:51):
Yeah. Let me just think here. Oh, well, I used to play the banjo when I was in fourth grade. I've always loved music, and one of the things my parents are really awesome about is whenever I showed interest in a musical instrument, they would really encourage it and get me the instrument and get me lessons and really support that, which I'm really grateful about because I love music. It's one of my favorite things. So that would be one of the things I would say. On that note, I've seen probably about 500 concerts, if not more, and I used to follow the Grateful Dead, and that is something that everyone knows about me.
I love it. I actually did know that you followed the Grateful Dead. I'll let you have that one because it's one of my favorite things about you that I'm so glad you shared. I know 500 concerts I did not know, but I completely believe,
Amanda Testa (34:43):
Yes, that's always one of the things I wished for in my partner is that they would be just as comfortable in at a concert at Red Rocks as in a tuxedo at a fancy event. And I'm grateful that I found that in my husband because that to me, I love that versatility and that is a fun thing that I have all these different parts of myself, and I like that he goes along for the ride and is into that too.
But I can
All and it's so good to give yourself permission to express all those parts of you.
Amanda Testa (35:17):
Yes. What would the third thing be? Yeah, let's see. Well, when I was 18, I went to Europe with some of my high school friends and we traveled for six, eight weeks, something like that. And it's pretty hysterical when I think back now, because I was only 18 and as an 18-year-old, the most important thing that we enjoyed about Europe was that you could drink when you were 18,
Rachel Rose (35:45):
Amanda Testa (35:48):
So we actually, it's funny, this past weekend had a reunion trip with 11 of my girlfriends, many of whom were on that trip with me, and gosh, did we laugh so hard at our antics. It's kind of amazing that we made it to this point today. But we laugh, we're like, Hey, at least we really did get to know some locals and hang out and learn about the cultures where we were versus going to all the touristy things. We did some of that, but we also really rooted into the people, which is kind of fun.
Rachel Sizemore (36:19):
So good. Yes. I love hearing a little bit more about you and the other things. I know you grew up in the south, and then did you move to Colorado after the Europe trip? Did you move to Colorado?
Amanda Testa (36:31):
When I graduated from college, I moved out to Colorado
Rachel Rose (36:35):
And lived in the mountains. I
Amanda Testa (36:36):
Did. I actually lived in a tent in the middle of nowhere for about two months. That was awesome. It was such a great, that was a good transition for me. Literally letting go of all my material possessions and moving across the country by myself and living in a tent and starting this whole new life for myself was revolutionary for someone who grew up the way I did. So it was pretty awesome, and I'm really grateful for that experience. It taught me so much about resilience and creating something from nothing. And although now looking back, I was like, maybe I should have taken advantage of family and community more, which I do still love so much, but for me, my path was to move here and to start this new life, and I'm so grateful that I did. So, yeah,
I just really admire and see you, Amanda, as a person who is just really willing to go for it, follow your heart and follow your path. And I know it's looked windy and different over the years, but it was a cutting edge sort of huge to yourself to go live in that tent. And it's the same, it was a cutting edge, huge to yourself, to be a depressed, stuck in the mud mom and to say, I'm striking out. I'm doing something a bit radical. I'm going to do whatever it takes to feel better to follow my heart. And I just love that about you, and I'm absolutely obsessed with the fact that you now are helping other women do the same because we need you and this beautiful podcast, and I'm so grateful for you and for your gifts.
Amanda Testa (38:12):
Thank you. Thank you. I'm so grateful for you, and thank you so much for taking the time to interview me, and it's been so enlightening for me as well. It's always so fun to talk to you, and I really do feel so grateful that I have been able to find such amazing people to support me on my journey, so thank you.
I think that is one of the things, right? You step up to yes to yourself and the other women who are doing the same flow into your life more and more, and then you're just like, ah, this is the best feeling ever.
Amanda Testa (38:42):
It's definitely not easy. I mean, hello. Standing up for sexual empowerment is not easy and people don't like it a lot of the time, and so you will get knocked down and beat up, and it's really important to have that support and know when you need to reach out for refueling. I've taken all the lashes I can take for one day. Lemme connect with someone who knows and can reassure me that just keep stumbling down the path and you'll get to going.
Rachel Rose (39:10):
I love it. I love it. Aw, love you so much.
Amanda Testa (39:14):
Thank you. Yeah, and hopefully if you guys like this, you'll please share it with other women who could benefit and give it some positive reviews and really help this be something that can help other women and everyone out there listening. So thank you.
Rachel Rose (39:30):
Amanda Testa (39:32):
Thank you so much for listening to the Find Your Feminine Fire podcast. This is your host, Amanda Testa, and it would mean the world to me. If you enjoyed this episode to please share it, go to iTunes and give me a five star rating and array review so I can meet other wonderful listeners like you to continue these opened and honest conversations. You can always find me on Facebook in my group, find Your Feminine Fire Group, and also on my website, amanda testa.com. Thanks so much again.