How To Feel Supported when the world seems scary
This week I'm talking with my friend, colleague, and client Lea Bett, founder of the Life Work Lab on how to feel supported when life feels scary, how to use our bodies as a tool to metabolize the emotions we are feeling, and what it is really like to work with a sex coach.
(Complete transcript below)
In this episode you'll discover
I was so grateful to connect with Lea and dive more deeply into some topics that are heaving on our hearts right now. Hope you enjoy this podcast, and if you know someone who would enjoy this episode, please share!
Find out more about Lea and connect with here HERE.
Connect with Amanda and schedule a confidential heart to heart HERE.
Join in the discussion on this episode and more in my free Facebook Group, Find Your Feminine Fire HERE.
Amanda Testa (00:01):
Hello, and welcome to the Find Your Feminine Fire podcast. I am your host, Amanda Testa. I am a sex love and relationship coach. And in this podcast, my guests and I talk Sex, Love and Relationships and everything that lights you up from the inside out. Welcome. Today I am thrilled to be talking with my dear friend, and founder of The Life Work Lab, Lea Bett. Welcome Lea!Thank you so much for being here.
Lea Bett (00:31):
Thank you for having me. This is exciting
Amanda Testa (00:34):
And we are just going to dive in and talk about whatever you know, is really alive around what it actually looks like to work with a sex and relationship coach or any questions people may have. And so, yeah, so we're just going to dive on in and again, Lea, thank you so much for being here. I always just value you so much. And I really think one of the things that I appreciate about you is just how you are so supportive of spirited leaders in helping them design, authentic life work and how you know, you've helped me so much too, and just my branding and clarity. So thank you for that.
Lea Bett (01:16):
Oh, thank you. That's nice to hear. I think we have this in common that we both all about empowering women and, and so yeah, at the bottom, the bottom line, that's what I am all about empowering women in the world people who identity empowering the feminine really, I should say.
Amanda Testa (01:36):
Yeah. And I know one thing too is also, you know, a big part of what you practice and teach is around movement and that as well, like your conscious dance and meditation. And so, you know, just having that similar understanding of, of the important parts of embodiment and doing the work as well.
Lea Bett (01:54):
Yeah. I, I feel like my body of work it's constantly, like, I think I know what it is, but it's actually something else. And so like the dramatics piece, I am obsessed with embodiment and somatics and it's not something I'm pursuing like in a linear way. I just can't get enough of it. I need it. I'm eating it up, diving in it. Yeah. That's becoming the biggest piece of my work right now. And maybe specifically too, I think we're all in an interesting year with so many challenges, so many massive, massive collective and personal challenges. So we all need so much more care. So I mean, like in my embodiment work like probably literally four times as much as I used to be, which was always a daily practice. So it's an important tool, important resource. And I love that. So that is like, I love the way you lead and teach embodiment work. Oh gosh, it's so delicious. And you have such an arsenal. I feel like you're, I don't know, maybe well-trained and just have this whole, this whole body of tools. And then I feel like you have a really unique way of bringing it all together. Like I, I, my impression is that you have studied and learned all these practices, but you've also been teaching enough to find your own way in it, which is a really wonderful experience on the other end.
Amanda Testa (03:31):
Well, thank you very much for that reflection. I do. You know, I do feel like that embodiment piece is a big part, the somatic piece, because that's one of the reasons why I was so attracted to this work in the first place, because I remember for myself part of the work that I did that kind of got me on this path as a sex and relationship coaches, many of you have heard my story before, but there's a specific time in working with my mentor, Layla Martin. And she had a course, it was around working with the Jade egg. And I thought, well, you know, it was all around spicing things up in the bedroom, this, that, and the other, I was like that can't hurt. And after doing that course, what I realized it was yes, partly about spicing things up in the bedroom, but really a lot about connecting to yourself deeply.
Amanda Testa (04:11):
And, you know, just the somatic work in doing the practices released so much residual shame and trauma. And it was amazing. I was just, my mind was blown. And so I thought there's something to this, you know? And then the more I've studied learned about it really, it makes so much sense, right? Because so much we hold onto is stored in our bodies and we're often so unaware of it, it's on such a subconscious level. And so really just giving your body gentle opportunities to release that, to, you know, let things move through, let the stress stress cycles complete that are frozen sometimes, over time , and kind of give those a gentle opportunity to release. So you can just free up so much energy and life force and open up to more of what you want to bring into those spots. Right?
Lea Bett (04:58):
Yeah. My, my general sense of the body in that, I think you've spoken about cellular consciousness before. I'm not quite sure I get my information so many directions, but my general sense is that our bodies are so beautifully designed and so innately intelligent and, and by nature, very healthy and just thriving, but then there's so many influences. Culturally, I think collectively, personally from our experience, our more intimate experiences, familiar experiences, community experiences. And it's my sense is that we, because of those viewpoints, we pinch off our own natural thriving and, and then the embodiment work is just, like, getting back into that healthy, natural way of being, and kind of just gently unfolding the, the layers of resistance or trauma that block that. Yeah. And it's, it's powerful. It's interesting that you said the way you, you talked about your journey that you said, you know, your teacher was offering a Jade Egg workshop and you were just like like spicing things up in the bedroom that can't hurt.
Lea Bett (06:22):
That's funny because I feel like that's how I ended up in, your work, and doing some work with you. Cause it's like, if you asked me if I want a sex love relationship coach, like this has changed a little bit, but in general, I've, I've kind of felt like, well, that's not really my priority. And, and that is generally goes pretty well for me. Although as I get more and more deeply into it, it's like, there's just tremendous depth to dive deeper into. But my draw to your work in the beginning had more to do with business, because it was like I was already really drawn to, and in the work of empowering the feminine and feminine presence. And I just, you know, we were already connected. We met as real life book club leaders and, and you know, you were, you were beginning this work and just really loving it and just really beginning to radiate.
Lea Bett (07:21):
And so in the beginning it was just like, I just, I want to be more, feel more embodied and to have kind of a more magnetic presence for my business is what I saw. And this is one of those things where it's like, I, I think I know what my work is about, or I think I know what I'm pursuing, but it's really something else. And yeah. And so this, this, this work that I have done with you has been so much more than I could have fathomed. And, and actually I think I'm somewhere in the middle of it or I don't, I don't know. There's probably not really a middle, I think it's bottomless, but you know, it's like, I'm getting the sense that there's just so much more than I could have ever fathomed, not knowing much about it.
Amanda Testa (08:05):
And I'm curious, in what ways have you noticed, you know, what, what things have you noticed perhaps, you know, you mentioned you started out, well, I wanted to become more embodied, or kind of feel that feminine presence, more in your business and be able to bring that, but I'm wondering how it showed up for you by chance in your business or maybe elsewhere
Lea Bett (08:23):
Yeah, well, I think sort of by nature and by culture, I have kind of a strong mental orientation, very intellectually oriented. And, and so I think I did like a six week course of you in the beginning. And what I remember is I remember doing like a five senses experience and, you know, just getting out of the head and into the five senses. And I remember eating, eating strawberries in a very present way and smelling them and feeling them and tasting them and everything. And it was just like a heightened consciousness. Yeah. And there's something about that quality of presence that's just different. And it's, it's like, I think the, the brain and the intellect are limited in a way in terms of intelligence, even, you know, so it's sort of like opened up this way of drawing on the whole being. And I also think it's a way of bypassing, if some of our limitations come from the way we think about our bodies, for example, ourselves getting out of the head and into the body, it's sort of like jumping over a fence or something, and then being right in the field, kind of on the other side, looking at it,
Amanda Testa (09:51):
That's so true. And I noticed that in myself too, cause even today I had a session with one of my coaches and it was amazing because I realized when I get in these spaces of being in my head often, it's like this hyper aroused state, like all the questions and all the things, and I'm worried about this and I have to do that and what's the right decision and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then taking that time to really like drop in notice, okay, what's coming up for you around this and digging in deeper beneath that. Like, what is that pain in your gut telling you what is there what's beneath that and like giving yourself the opportunity to kind of release and connect to these different parts of you who maybe you've not paid attention to, or maybe they just need to express something.
Amanda Testa (10:32):
And then, you know, having a way to allow that part of you to speak and be heard, but also at the same time dropping in feeling resourced, like really getting into your body. And afterwards it's like night and day. So all that mind, chatter shuts down, you're grounded. You feel centered, you feel connected to the resourceful, creative part of you that can make informed decisions from a place of, you know, responding versus reacting. I know I say that a lot, but it's so true because so often we are just running around like AHHH or just not taking that time to be present.
Lea Bett (11:11):
Yeah. It's a total reversal coming from your own connection with yourself and a grounded intention. And I also, I have a feeling like you, I think you call it resourcing. I'm like having this visual right now. It's literally like filling up with energy. If, if all of our activities, intellectual and physical activities require the use of our energy, I feel like the, the kinds of resourcing that you do fills us up. It's literally like gaining and gathering energy.
Amanda Testa (11:48):
And I will say too, you know, just to reflect back to you, appreciating the ability you have to tap into things that support you more often than usual, especially in times like these. So you mentioned, you know, something was a daily practice and now you've quadrupled the amount of times you do it, which is kind of what needs to happen when things are like they are now. And so it's finding those things that help you feel resourced. So that's things that help you feel stable, supported, connected to something that feels like it can hold you. So whether that's spiritual, whether that's an animal, whether that's an archetype, whether that's a scene from nature, something that you can connect to and feel supported. And oftentimes it does need to be bigger than us because I think we try to hold onto so much ourselves. And one of my other mentors, Rachael Maddox, who I adore talks about how, you know, we spend a lot of time trying to solve "we" problems with "me" solutions. So for example, a lot of the collective traumas that were in a lot of the things that are going on in our culture and our world are not going to be solved by one person. But yes, the more we do the work on ourselves and the more resourced we are, the more we can come together to solve the "we" problems.
Lea Bett (13:01):
Yeah. I just heard someone Jack Kornfield, I think is his name he runs spirit rock out here in California. And he was saying, we can't fix the whole garden. We can't tend to the whole garden, but we can tend to our own plot. And that really, that really resonated for me because to, to try to tend to the whole garden by ourselves is overwhelming. But yeah, I like this. I like the idea of tending to our own plot. And then I like your extension of that with if we are tending to our own plot and we're connected with other people who are, that we really can create a lot of health and beauty together.
Amanda Testa (13:42):
And if you think about that, like the web of everyone's connectivity, obviously there's going to be people that have more to give and people that need to be able to rest. And those that have more ability to give can step up and kind of support the ones who can have an opportunity to rest. So I feel like that too. It's like, when you think about the, we, it feels so much more supportive, right? To think that we're all in this together, which we are, and that we can all do our part, even if it's just taking care of yourself. Right. I think taking care of your own plot, like you said, I love it.
Lea Bett (14:18):
Yeah. And I think I have, I know for myself, my capacity to give, or my need to receive is not static. It's kind of ebbing and flowing. And so in that sense, if we're in community, when I am, you know, maybe more depleted, I can fill up within community and somebody else maybe could, could be doing some giving to the larger community, you know? And then at times I'm full I'm giving and that person is, is resting and resourcing. I was curious to ask you, because I, you know, this, this is such an intense time. And for me, I I'm experiencing like really kind of ups and downs and like the like a whole cycle. I know how to take care of myself and bring myself back, but I had kind of distinctive points. I do get overwhelmed. And then it's like, so I'm just curious, because, you know, with your practices and resources, I'm curious if you're holding yourself steady or what could you just kind of what your experience is in all of this and how you are staying centered regardless. It's like being in the eye of the storm, kind of like in the I'm like, okay, I've got it. And then I'm like, Whoa, flying. I'm like being blown back to the outside. Right.
Amanda Testa (15:49):
Well, I mean, I think part of it is that yes, with all the chaos in the world right now, it's bound to have those moments where you're going to be overwhelmed or that you need to sleep more, or that you need to just curl up in a ball and watch Netflix for a day or whatever it is, those things are bound to happen. And I think part of it is just allowing yourself to do what you need. Like as much as you can give yourself minutes of rest, even if you have two minutes, can you take that two minutes and just intend that it's going to feel like an eternity because sometimes two minutes can feel quite luxurious and depending too, on what you have going on. Sometimes it's easier than others to find time to rest and rejuvenate. I know it's quite a privilege to be able to do that.
Amanda Testa (16:33):
So honestly, like, I think just understanding that it's normal, especially in times like these, with all the, all the chaos in the world and the natural fires and all the things and the political climate and, you know, just everything it's going to be triggering. It's going to bring up all the things. And so that's to be expected. And I think that's why it's been really hard, especially for anyone that has a history of trauma or anything like that, because it's just kind of poking those wounds. So I think what for me has been helpful and what I recommend for my clients is we really spend a lot of time with the resourcing, which I know sometimes can seem like, Ugh, but it's so important because the more that you're meeting your base needs and really doing them, like you say, four times more than necessary, that's what you really need to do.
Amanda Testa (17:22):
You need to write a list of all the things and do them way more and realize like, you know what, sometimes it's just going to feel you have to be okay with just kind of feeling not okay. Sometimes knowing that you're going to move through it. And for me, the body-based practices are what bring me back to myself where I can find like a breath and find that connection. And even just for a moment, what also is helping me is limiting my exposure to social media, the news, cause I can find myself going like down the doom scrolling rabbit hole. So it's like really putting a timer on and being on there for 20 minutes and being done. And I did an experiment the other weekend where I was like, I'm not going to be on my phone all weekend. And I realized, because I have definitely found myself at the pandemic and everything going down that rabbit hole of becoming addicted to my phone.
Amanda Testa (18:13):
And so it was a really great thing for me to do. And you know, every time I went to pick up my phone, I had a journal and a pen and I would just write down what I was experiencing in that moment. Like, what do I see ? What am I noticing? What am I feeling? And I just realized how many beautiful moments in life that I was tuning into. And I think there's something about that presence and like feeling gratitude for the moment that we're in, can really help to as well, you know, kind of ease that sense of overwhelm, and also things like music, things like being in nature, things like connecting to something bigger than we are, can feel very comforting.
Lea Bett (18:50):
Yeah. Yeah. I think one of the reliefs I find in all of this is like, this is really much larger than any one of us can fathom. And so just kind of giving it to God or to the universe or whatever, you know, whatever beliefs work for you, just giving it to the bigger, the bigger picture, you know, and releasing the need for control. And that, that helps me because when I find myself trying to manage something that big, it is absolutely depleting. Yeah. I love your reminder about managing information intake and yeah. That's, I feel like that's the biggie right now. It's October this month. I just, it's always ugly in an election year. And I'd say it's like, everything's a hundred times worse this year, you know? So I think that's a great reminder right now, just really being intentional. And I just, somebody just posted some little reminder of this, but I was already thinking along these lines that we, we don't have a lot of control over what's happening. We, you know, we have control over some things in our world, but we don't have control over the big picture, but we have control over how we engage with it, how we respond to it and what we do with it.
Amanda Testa (20:13):
Yeah. And sometimes it can feel good to take action about the things that are important to you, like texting people to vote or, you know, even just offering help. It doesn't have to be like a big dramatic thing. Like if you were at the store and you see someone needs help, like help the person who needs help getting something off the top shelf, or, you know, if you see someone on the side of a road, like what can you offer them? I know everybody has their own opinions about that, but I think it's like when you see someone that needs help, how can you offer it? Or how can you ask people what they need and see how you can support others when you have the capacity, because that also helps you to feel good. And so maybe if there's friends that you can think about that, you're like, maybe I need to reach out to this person and just see how they're doing. Or maybe you, I want to write a thank you note to some people that I love, or maybe I want to, you know, call a loved one or a family member, or take a walk and call a friend or all those kind of things to bring in connection to when you're feeling that way can help.
Lea Bett (21:08):
Yeah. And I really do think that one settled person who has metabolized everything that's going on, everything that we've ingested makes a huge difference to every single thing that we touch. And my personal experience is, like I said, I'm, I'm kind of up and down. But what I notice is when I, when something new has been triggered a turn of events or some specific experience, I, my first response is like a freeze response I noticed. And that you've got a great page of resources on your website that you put together really when I think we were early in COVID and that's an amazing, amazing resource. I've shared that with a lot of people, because in that point, when we're we're stuck or overwhelmed, that's a great wealth of tools for, for getting through that, getting through that, I'm thinking of it as metabolizing. And so my experience over and over again is I get overwhelmed and I kind of, I feel myself freezing and then it takes a lot of, for me, there's a lot of movement where a lot of somatic processing to, to process and to metabolize the, what what's feeling overwhelmed.
Lea Bett (22:28):
And then I feel activated again. So let's say it's social justice and you know, I'm observing what's going on and it's totally overwhelming. And, and, and just horrifying. And then I go through a process, I'll listen to music for me. I listen to music that hits whatever the spot is. There's a lot of great music that touches on social justice. So getting right in there and like working, moving with the feelings and working through them and it takes a lot, it takes a lot. It's kind of crazy. Then I feel activated. Then after I metabolize it, it's like, I can take, I have kind of an insight. I can take this action and that action. And that's what I have capacity for. And that will make a difference. But my first response is I'm frozen and overwhelmed. And then it takes a lot of, a lot of processing to, to metabolize and become activated. Right.
Amanda Testa (23:23):
And that's how so many of our systems are like, will feel like totally frozen and hypo and unable to like move forward. And in those moments, then maybe there's something that clicks us in there. We're like, ah, but I got to do all the things and I don't know where to begin in lalalalala. And it's like, sometimes you can occilate between the two. So it's, again, really when you have like, you, you have connected to some things that help you, like taking that music and transmuting yourself through the experience, taking that, moving it through your body and then feeling like you're digesting it so that you can do something different with energy. It's a different quality of energy afterwards, perhaps is a big. And sometimes too, if you feel in that frozen state, like what is maybe the smallest doable thing that you can do to support yourself in that moment? Maybe what is one maybe part of you wants to stay frozen, but maybe there's like 10% of you that wants to move towards something, whatever that is a walk,a water, calling a friend, or just like taking a nap, whatever it could be.
Lea Bett (24:23):
I always love your reminders of keeping it simple, you know, the taking two minutes to, to resource or, you know, appreciating the, just really savoring your time in the shower or the bath or, or the examples you were just mentioning, because that makes it so much more accessible than thinking. I've got to find four hours every day. That's what I'm feeling like. I need like four hours everyday right now.
Amanda Testa (24:52):
I mean, and it is so connected to our sexuality because we can't often access those levels of pleasure if we're in a state of survival. And so whatever that looks like, you know, you have to be able to resource yourself and feel good to get into a state of pleasure often. And so it all builds on one another. Right? And so, like you mentioned earlier, we do have this natural blueprint of health and original essence within us. This part of us that is totally perfect as it is and our society or culture, whatever dampens that, or hurts that, but that's always still there. And that is so alive in people. And that's what I love to see too. And in clients is like having that blueprint come out to play more often and then become more empowered to come out. And then it's, it's so amazing to see how that blossoming happens.
Amanda Testa (25:43):
It's like going from feeling overwhelmed or not taking care of yourself or feeling run down by family and responsibilities or feeling uncomfortable saying no, and finding yourself too much on your plate to then starting to like, okay, what are these doable steps I can take? And then starting to take those, and then you build up a little more, you know, you're building up a little more resilience and a liveliness and that continues to build, and then you start to blossom more and more. So you are in a more expanded state more often. And that is where you can tap into more joy and more pleasure more often. And yes, you'll still have your moments, but you have better tools. So things that maybe would knock you down for weeks will maybe take a day or, you know, you, there's just such more capacity and resilience that you build in your system.
Lea Bett (26:30):
Yeah. I'm thinking I want to go in two different directions. So first I want to, I actually want to speak about grief for a minute and then I want, I want to ask you to talk about, about sensual and sexual energy because that's beyond my expertise, but I that's what I'm finding. I that's like a resource that I feel is bigger than I can fathom. I am just kind of breaking ground or something with the potential there. And and yeah, I want to talk about that and talk a little bit about the Jade Egg practice. Well, while I have you here, but for some reason I wanted to talk first about grief because I'm thinking about everyone is going through so much right now. Everyone's and I just, I don't know, like it takes, it's hard to show up for what's going on right now.
Lea Bett (27:24):
So my, like when I feel frozen, there's, you know, a whole variety of things that can be underneath that, but sometimes it's really hard to just show up for, my movement practice, because what I'm actually feeling is so painful. And yesterday, for example, like I, I have a little dance now in the backyard and I sat on my mat. I put my earphones in, I didn't even put the music on yet. And I just started crying and it was gut wrenching cry. It was like a brutal cry. And I mentioning this because I, I just, I really feel for, I just feel like it takes so much courage to show up and feel the things we're feeling. So I just, I just kind of wanted to acknowledge that it's not all about that. The, the pleasure sometimes is underneath the pain, I guess I want to say, because my experience over and over again is if I show up and I am so it's like for me, I, I feel that in my body and I'll move into it. I'll I, and in my day to day life, I want to move away from it. I want to avoid it, but in my practice, I'll move into it and, and just keep feeling it and moving through it. And it's, it's hard. But then underneath that, when I release that, it's like, it clears, it clears me out. And then the joy, the capacity for joy is underneath that. For some reason, I just wanted to mention that, but it's not all, you know, or yeah,
Amanda Testa (28:58):
No. And I think that is the thing too, is like, you start to feel more feeling fully all your emotions because when we're kind of numbing, where we don't want to go there, which is of course very common because you know, it is hard to feel the feels and we often don't want to, and there's not a place in our culture to do that and be celebrated. And so, you know, I think it's creating that time and space regularly to be with what's there and to wail, if you need to wail and to grieve and to let it fully just get to the root of you and let it out. Because once you do, usually there's so much underneath that, like you mentioned, so maybe there's layers that you're going to excavate through, but you can do it a way that feels gentle and doable. And then the more you do it, the more you're going to excavate more and more, so you can get down to like, Oh yes, this is what has beneath that. And all those things and feeling the feels is part of it. You've got to like sometimes just grieve. Yes. For sure. I'm totally with you there. And it makes everything you're experiencing more rich. So you can find like the beauty in all the parts of it, even the painful, horrific parts, there's beauty there, but there's more like there's just presence with it, allowing it to be.
Lea Bett (30:14):
Yeah. And I guess as a culture, I think we learn, well, I know I come from probably trying to numb. There's a million ways you can numb those feelings and sometimes that's okay and keeps us safe, but I guess the reward is in letting yourself feel everything. Cause you get that, that whole range of emotion. Yeah. So, yeah. So let's talk more about the the opposite end of that. Or, or I don't know, maybe there's a whole gamut with, with Jade egg, but I'd love to talk more about that. I have. I remember, so I remember I did like a program with you and then Jade egg was like the next level. And I felt pretty, I guess, maybe uncomfortable with, especially in group or something like that. Like I just had a lot of reluctance, like, so it took me awhile to like learn a little bit more, a little bit more than like, okay, I'm gonna, I, I do want this. I am going to step in. And, and so I'm curious, like, I don't even know what my questions are here. I feel like it's this giant realm of mystery. I don't know.
Amanda Testa (31:27):
So yeah. You know, I think specifically around the Jade egg, I know you mentioned around like sexual energy and working with that and how it all comes together. And I think the theory of the practice is based in the Taoist philosophy, where if you're familiar at all with Chinese medicine, you know, our life force energy is created in our sexual organs, in our kidneys. And that's kind of what that's, what's used to fuel our body. And so the more open our energy centers are, the more open our body is the more that is going to flow freely through our system. And the more health we'll enjoy. And so what I love about the Jade egg is its specific practice where I think I've talked about this before. So many of you may be familiar, but basically it's using an egg that's typically made of Jade.
Amanda Testa (32:13):
And you use it like, for example, if you think about yoga, what yoga is to stretching. I like to think about what the Jade Egg ii for pelvic floor floor work, because it's much deeper than that. There's a sacred reverence to it. And so baically you use it internally. So you use it inside the vagina and you would do certain exercises with it, similar to how you might use a pelvic floor weight, but yet there's a lot more depth to the practices, not just like squeeze and release, it's definitely tapping into different, different, deeper layers of your energetic self and your sexual self. And yes, there is such opportunity for all kinds of emotions to flow during a Jade egg practice. So as you mentioned, pleasure is a piece of it, but it can also be a practice where you can use it to tune into what you need and how to give that to yourself, right?
Amanda Testa (33:03):
So maybe you need just nourishment. Maybe you need, you know, some fun sexual pleasure. Maybe you need to release. Maybe you need to tap into your inner confidence and power. So that's what I love about the practice, because there's so many different ways you can do it to tap into different aspects of yourself. And yet you're using it in a way that's tapping into our sexual creative power, right? Our sexual energy is such a creative force. And so when you mix that with anything else, it's like quadrupling the effectiveness 10, X-ing the effectiveness, if you will. Right.
Lea Bett (33:36):
I like how you pair your day-to-day work with the other types of resourcing that you do. It's a really, really powerful mixture I'm experiencing.
Amanda Testa (33:48):
Yeah. I mean, cause it is true. I mean, you, you can't just like stick it in and hope for a miracle there's specific practices around it. So you can, but it's probably not going to get you very far.
Lea Bett (34:01):
Yeah. I remember in the beginning I was kind of like, okay, I've got the basics, like I'm just gonna do this and then I've done some more in-depth practices with you and I'm like, Oh, Oh, okay.
Amanda Testa (34:14):
I guess I would love to ask you, you know, for people maybe listening and they're like, that sounds weird. Or I don't know. What would you say to them about the practice?
Lea Bett (34:24):
That's a good question. Let's see. I mean, I, I wasn't opposed to the practice, but for me personally, it's I guess I feel somehow sensuality is a bit private for me. I don't know if that's a value or a condition. So, so there's something about learning those practices in a group that I was like, I didn't know what to expect. I was like, you know, are we all going to be doing this together? I just didn't know what to expect. And I guess it can be whatever you want it to be. I'm sure it could be anything and everything, but I feel, I guess what I would say is with you, at least you get to step in, in whatever way feels safe for you and you get to do it at whatever pace feels comfortable. And so like it's all in your charge, I guess is what I want to say.
Lea Bett (35:21):
And yeah, and for me, there's just so much more there than I could have possibly fathomed so much more empowerment. And I'm just, I don't know where I am in the process, but like, you know, sometimes when the practices are more advanced when your talking about dan tiens,, I don't even know if I'm saying it right. I don't really know. I don't really have the background. So I like just trying to figure out what's going on, you know, but I'm starting to experience some of that. And so it just, it feels really, really powerful and really, really healing. Yeah. So it's just, I guess it would just be releasing your sensual energy in whatever way feels safe and wanted, which is maybe a really big deal, you know, in that area.
Amanda Testa (36:13):
That is a big part of it is being able to be in charge of your experience. Like no one should ever be pushing you. You don't even need to use the egg. You don't even need to touch your body. You can just have an energetic experience if you need, but it's like tuning into what feels doable and honoring your own. Yes and no, because that's something is for many women that's hard to discern or maybe we've said no, when we, when we, or yes. When we really meant no are all the things. So it's kind of like relearning to build that trust with yourself and your body and opening up in a way that feels doable and building that trust with yourself and your body and how that expands, the more you do the practice and then just how you can tap into these deeper States of connection and pleasure and just be an all of what your body is capable of.
Lea Bett (36:59):
Yeah. Yeah. I want to say that there's like this real reservoir of self-love in this body of work as well. I've heard you say this before and I'm experiencing this where just having this gorgeous, intimate relationship that I felt it's like, I don't know, like I can take a handful of my, my meatier person and just like, I love it. You know? And that's, that's really different from what our culture teaches us about our body as women in particular. But I know there's a variety of that from men as well,
Amanda Testa (37:34):
But I appreciate how you said that. Cause I too, it's such a change in how I've I feel about my body. And I think I've mentioned this recently I've put on 10 pounds since COVID, but yet I am just doesn't bother me one bit. I mean, for health reasons, yes. It's probably not the best, but you know what? I honestly feel so good in my body and I don't judge it and I don't think badly of it. I mean, I don't even, I used to beat myself up so much in so many women. I know struggle with like looking in the mirror and seeing all the things they hate about themselves or noticing their double chin or their wrinkles or their stretch marks or their curves or whatever it may be. And really, I think part of this big part of this practice is reclaiming yourself for yourself. It's like you are bearing yourself to yourself. You're claiming yourself for yourself. This is only for you and how empowering that is. Like how really radically life-changing that is.
Lea Bett (38:22):
Yeah. I think the real potential in there is just like loving ourselves unconditionally. And I think I'm finding too, nobody can love you in a way you don't love yourself. I, to some degree, I mean, I, I love being like seeing myself through my partner's eyes, you know, and that sort of thing, but I feel like ultimately loving ourselves unconditionally is what really sets that dynamic in motion outside of ourselves as well. I mean, we all know women who just, you know, they, they inhabit their bodies completely and they're, they're just gorgeous, you know, but it's not not that pseudo, you know, contrived image that we see in the media. That's not the real deal,
Amanda Testa (39:12):
Right? Yes. I do believe that truth, that loving ourselves unconditionally. And that does spill out into other areas because once you have that wholeness within yourself, then it's so much easier to notice where else you can offer that to others or to have more appreciation empathy for other situations or whatever it may be.
Lea Bett (39:35):
Yeah. And I'm not sure if this is accurate, but I sort of feel like all self-development and maybe all of life experiences, it's all a process. So you don't, you don't arrive. And then, you know, if the mountain tops and sing songs or something, it's like, you just keep your, keep your own pace and you just keep going wherever you want to go.
Amanda Testa (40:01):
I always like to say that that sexuality is the missing piece and personal growth and development. It's kind of the final frontier. So many are afraid to go there. But I tell you, if you, if you go there, you're going to save many years off your journey because there's so much, we hold in our sexual center so much is there. And so kind of just giving yourself the opportunity to do the work. And it, I think a lot of people think, well, what is this? Is it like you're watching people have sex? Or what is it it's not like that at all. It's really, it's about connecting to yourself and like creating the things that support you in integrating all the pieces that, that aren't in alignment and really learning how to a weekend, the pleasure potential in yourself and you know, there's many layers to it. So it's, it's a simple process yet. It's a deep process, right?
Lea Bett (40:47):
Yeah. Yeah. I think it's awakened in me. Like when I do so much bodywork movement practices, one of my, you know, parts of my, my body of work. But but I, but it's the reason it is, is because my body's so sensitive. So like I sort of have to show up for it and move through things. And so bringing that back to Jade egg, I feel like this has awakened a sensitivity of like the energy in that realm and how it's, I don't know if, how it's feeling, but I can kind of like now I didn't, I don't think I was aware of this before, but I can feel it when it's like bunched up. And I don't think I had that sensitive. I don't think I was even aware of that before. Right? Yeah. Big ellipsis on the whole Jade egg experience and conversation. I I'm so thankful to have been introduced to that by you. And I think I've heard you have, I heard you say that's your favorite practice? And my, I feel like that's like kind of your number one resource. I'm not sure if I've got that right.
Amanda Testa (42:02):
It is my favorite. And even if I don't actually like, even touch my body or do anything, it's just like, I can still do the practice energetically and it feels so good. I really just, it's one of my favorite things because of the difference I found in my own body and in my clients, like just seeing the change that happens. I feel like it when used properly can be such a powerful tool. Yeah. So yeah. Iloved talkint with you about it.
Lea Bett (42:29):
Thank you. Yeah, my pleasure. This is super fun. Okay. I have one more question and it's kind of just funny sends on a funny note. I was, so you have such a, when you do do your podcasts, you have such a sultry, sexy voice. And so here's my funny question. Do they teach you that in your training?
Amanda Testa (42:54):
I actually, I think it's just my voice, but it is funny. Cause I noticed when I am dropped in or when I teach my voice is often a lot lower and that's just part of being like low in my body, I think. And I notice it too, because when I get more uptight or stressed out, then I can be like, my voice gets higher. But I remember when I was at camp and like third grade, one of my counselors was like, Oh, your voice, you need to be on the radio back in the day.
Lea Bett (43:24):
Yeah. That's so funny. Yeah. It's very, it's like soothing and sexy. It's like perfect for your whole body of work.
Amanda Testa (43:33):
Thank you. Yay. Well, this has been such a fun, fun conversation, Leah, thank you so much for coming back.
Lea Bett (43:41):
Yeah. Thank you for inviting me, it is always a treat to be with you.
Amanda Testa (43:48):
Yes. So I will make sure to post in the comments how you can connect with Lea. If you're curious more about the work lab and I'll also share how you can connect with me, if you're curious more of exploring sexuality work or working with the Jade egg or anything along those lines. So everyone have a beautiful week and we will talk to you soon. Thank you.
New Speaker (44:12):
Thank you so much for listening to the find your feminine fire podcast. This is your host, Amanda Testa. And if you have felt a calling while listening to this podcast to take this work to a deeper level, this is your golden invitation. I invite you to reach out. You can contact email@example.com slash activate, and we can have a heart to heart to discuss more about how this work can transform your life. You can also join us on Facebook and the group find your feminine fire group. And if you've enjoyed this podcast, please share with your friends, go to iTunes and give me a five star rating and a raving review. So I can connect with other amazing listeners like yourself. Thank you so much for being a part of the community.